It’s really happening now

[Joandmum]

Hi 👋 my name is Jo and I’m glad to be here.

Mum was diagnosed yesterday after quite a quick progression from ‘mild cognitive impairment. She’s 83 and living alone.
For me it’s a big thing actually getting the diagnosis.

I’ve been struggling for sometime with mum still driving and have made failed attempts at stopping her going out. But knowing that it is now my responsibility to keep her and others safe.

I’ve found being the baddy really hard, so hoping that touching base here with others experiencing similar things will help me with that.

Thanks for reading. Jo.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Joandmum. I’m glad you’ve found us.

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I know it’s hard when someone who had a diagnosis doesn’t want to stop driving. You’ll find a few tips here. I hope they’re helpful.

When DVLA/DVA decides that a person with dementia must stop driving

If DVLA/DVA decides that the person with dementia is not safe to drive, the person must return their licence and stop driving. Find out how to appeal this decision and what to do if the person refuses to stop driving.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Kevinl]

The first 10 years are the hardest as a carer I found, this place is a lifeline. That and hello and welcome from me. K

 

[Joandmum]

Welcome to the forum @Joandmum. I’m glad you’ve found us.

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I know it’s hard when someone who had a diagnosis doesn’t want to stop driving. You’ll find a few tips here. I hope they’re helpful.

Fabulous, thanks for that. Just had a quick read through and wishing I’d found that earlier. But also congratulating myself for doing all these things already.

 

[Joandmum]

Fabulous, thanks for that. Just had a quick read through and wishing I’d found that earlier. But also congratulating myself for doing all these things already.

 

[Joandmum]

The first 10 years are the hardest as a carer I found, this place is a lifeline. That and hello and welcome from me. K

Thanks Kevin - I guess that’s a great way of saying - Yep, it’s always hard. Getting some support here will also be my lifeline I’m sure.
Have a great day. 😊

 

[GeorgieW]

@Joandmum your not the baddy trust me!

With my mother, I not only had to take away her driving licence. her car, her dogs, but also the family home. By selling her home I have also taken away the last of her (and mine) independence as now she lives in my home where she has 24/7 supervision and she gets to keep "her" dogs.

On the flip side, as a vulnerable person, I know that she is safe and isn't going to kill anyone with the car.

I know what you mean about the diagnosis. A GP asked what I was hoping to get out of the diagnosis. I replied "Clarity" he didn't understand, but knowing that now had a formal diagnosis meant I had been handed a toolbox. This forum, the Alzheimer's society and other groups meant that I started to have tools to fill the toolbox. Knowing that I wasn't going bonkers over her behaviour was a huge thing, that people who don't have a foot in 2 realities don't realise. Knowing that there are 2 realities is HUGE.

 

[Kristo]

Welcome - I agree that being the baddy is really hard, you have to make decisions for the best even though your relative is resisting all offers of support. It often feels like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. I try to tell myself how much harder it would be to sleep at night if I had just let Dad have his own way…. He would have caused a serious accident if he had carried in driving. As others say on here, you have to do what your relative NEEDS, not what they WANT, but my god it’s tough! We are here for you, keep posting and good luck x

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi Jo @Joandmum and welcome.

My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, first diagnosed in 2019. I’ve been supporting her since her diagnosis. I’ve found lots of really useful practical advice here, as well as stories from others that have helped me through some difficult times.

I know what you mean about “being the baddy”. It’s hard sometimes, but people here understand and will do their best to support you.

Take care.

 

[SkyeD]

Welcome from me too @Joandmum
I was also 'the baddy' but I did the best I could given the circumstances relating to my mum. The support received on this community forum and ideas from members were invaluable.
Please keep posting.
S x

 

[Joandmum]

@Joandmum your not the baddy trust me!

With my mother, I not only had to take away her driving licence. her car, her dogs, but also the family home. By selling her home I have also taken away the last of her (and mine) independence as now she lives in my home where she has 24/7 supervision and she gets to keep "her" dogs.

On the flip side, as a vulnerable person, I know that she is safe and isn't going to kill anyone with the car.

I know what you mean about the diagnosis. A GP asked what I was hoping to get out of the diagnosis. I replied "Clarity" he didn't understand, but knowing that now had a formal diagnosis meant I had been handed a toolbox. This forum, the Alzheimer's society and other groups meant that I started to have tools to fill the toolbox. Knowing that I wasn't going bonkers over her behaviour was a huge thing, that people who don't have a foot in 2 realities don't realise. Knowing that there are 2 realities is HUGE.

🙏