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Is it Friday. Is it Sunday. What day is it?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by BeckyJan, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    That has been the whole theme of today. What day is it? I should think the question has been asked at least 50 times. Normally I can handle it but today seems different. I just wonder at what stage is this lovely husband of mine. He struggles to walk around - looking for 'what' room, this morning he asked if we were married!!!!! I said yes for 35 years and he said he could not remember so I am now hunting for wedding photos. He looks dreadful - I wish I could find those lovely bits of him which I so admired and adored. Those lovely parts of him which I related to only a few weeks ago - now seem to have vanished. Oh dear what a dreadful disease; I know I have to cope but the long haul seems so hard to handle.

    Sorry to let rip -- up until now I have been the strong partner who has said we will handle this whatever (on the outside at least)!

    We are off to a workshop tomorrow - - 'Exploring Dementia' - perhaps that will make me feel better. Best wishes to all Beckyjan.
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #2 Margarita, Aug 18, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2006

    You can close your eyes go back in time in your memory to the good time.

    Lucky for us we can do it, but sadly, they cannot.

    I ask my mum what she thinking about ,because I am fishing in what she remember from the past someone time she tell me there her thoughts not mind sometime she tell me what she is thinking remembering .

    Sometime I get fed up with it all like you .... I hide in my room tell mum I am sleeping .she happy if she knows I am sleep and she sleep not walk around . as I hide in my room I just put the music on
  3. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    "What day is it today?"
    "Oh, do we still have Mondays?"
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya BeckyJan,
    Can your husband still read at all. If so what about using blue tack to stick the day up on various walls, it might work.
    The wedding photos may help, but it maybe that your husband will not be able to recognise himself in the photograph.
    I am sorry BeckyJan that you feel that you have lost a little more of your husband - I know how desperately hard dad found it at times - all I can say is that he did come through it, finding something that reminded him that it was still the woman he loved. To see him now, when mum eventually gives him a smile - he just lights up. A bittersweet moment.
    It is OK not to feel strong BeckyJan - you have friends here that will help you through those times.
    Take care. Love
  5. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    North West England
    What day is it?

    Every day we have been going through the same routine...

    What day is it today? What day was it yesterday?
    So, that makes it X tomorrow....?

    What did we do today? Did we see anyone today?
    Who are we seeing tomorrow?
    Where are we going tomorrow?

    What day did you say it was? Are you sure?

    We have several calendars all over the place... with a small sticky post-it highlighting
    "TODAY IS"..........

    Does not help one bit... Forgets we have the calendars (even though
    they are staring you in the face)...

    Does not 'believe' calendars when he remembers and finds them.....

    Then we start on the same repeat cycle again.

    For some reson... we get a lot of asking the day / date etc just as we are going to bed...

    Take care

  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Thank you Amy. Yes I was feeling very weak yesterday. I think sadness of the whole thing just came over me (as it does I think for most of us). I love him dearly and whilst Marguerita says at least we have memory - at present if I think too much of how wonderful he was then I go into the process of sadness again.
    Perhaps I just shouldn't think.

    As Daisy G has just said - I make notes we have diaries in nearly every room I buy the R Times and keep it on the appropriate page - all these things but he forgets to look (or does he find it easier to keep asking, or is the asking a means of 'conversation??????). All this from someone who ran companies and was so wonderfully organised - that is what makes it all so sad.

    ON A BRIGHTER NOTE we have just returned from a 'Exploring Dementia' day run by local Primary Care Trust. Mental Health Team and local Alz Society.
    It was excellent but unfortunately not well attended. Anyway I have ideas of 'occupational therapy' to work on - just hope that David is not too far down the track to appreciate and contribute to our efforts.

    I do feel a lot better today - I think it started first thing when I was helping David to get dressed. He said 'my beloved Jan what am I doing to you, all this moaning and groaning - I do love you'. That was superb. It is hard to know how to reply but I just said 'if it were me you would be doing the same'.

    Best wishes to all - there are good days and bad days. Beckyjan
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya BeckyJan,
    Pleased you are feeling a little better today.
    Your wish was answered wasn't it?
    . And BeckyJan, if the day comes when David is not able to voice those words, that is when you have to remember those are the thoughts in his heart and soul.
    You are loved, valued and appreciated.
    Take care.
    Love Helen
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    #8 Lynne, Aug 19, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2006
    Hi Jan

    I just caught up with this thread, and I'm pleased you had a better day to follow the low one.

    My Mum also does the "what day is it?" routine (with variations in wording) for about the 1st two hours each day, then the frequency of the question reduces to about once an hour! Combined with that are anxious questions about has she got to go anywhere today, is anyone coming to the house, are there any family birthdays this month etc.
    As with you & DaisyG, there are TV guides, daily papers, address/birthday books, large print calendars all over the place, but these do not seem to help. Mum is still able to read, although not for long as her attention span is very short, but she can still manage headlines & most of the daily crossword, even thought it takes her most of the day!

    So far, it seems to be helpful if I stick up an A4 sheet on the kitchen door (most frequently used route) divided into 3 days at a time, with each day showing things (printed clearly) like
    "No visitors or appointments today", or
    "Bob's birthday - have SENT card already" or
    "Optician's appointment 10:30 a.m." and so on.

    If I'm going to be out for a few hours (she's still OK to leave on her own at home - :confused: I Hope!) I put that on the day-sheet too, with the approx. time (+ half an hour in case of delay) that I shall be back.

    Best wishes
  9. linda a

    linda a Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    To day is ?

    Hi my husband tells me its on a need to know basis and he doesnt need to know !!!!
    when i ask him if he knows the day of the week,he very rarely knows which day it is
    all the best Linda a
  10. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Becky jan
    I have given up on the diaries,calenders etc etc.
    The only thing that works now (11+ ) years on is the one that I did first.
    Four A4 sheets of paper,marked MON,TUES,WED,THURS,FRI,SAT,SUN.
    They are on a clip board,hung on the wall opposite the the bed end.
    I change the days each night,and Peg will awake in the morning
    look down the bed and say "is today ???.
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    What day is it?

    Oh Dear! How I do identify with everyone.

    What day is it? When are we going? Where are we going? When is he coming? etc. etc.

    I wrote everything out in a Diary.
    When we go, where we go, who`s coming, who`s going.
    When we get our pension, how we pay our bills, when we shop, where we shop.

    Still he asks, the same questions, over and over again.

    I say `Where is your Diary?` He brings the Diary to me. I look at the Diary.

    The Diary says 2003!!!!!!

    Grannie G
  12. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    North West England
    Today is.....

    We've been doing the 'multi-calendar' thing for a year or so no, even though it rarely works.

    Sometimes my husband remembers 'how to check' the date on the CEFAX pages of the TV....
    But sometimes I get accused of MOVING AND CHANGING THE BUTTONS around on the remote while he was asleep !! Should he not be able to do it on a certain day.
    He does this with his mobile phone too. He thinks I move the buttons/key pad.
    Sometimes he locks his phone... and forgets how to unlock it.

    If you ask him to 'say the days of the week' , he WILL ALWAYS stop on Saturday....
    I'll say.. "One more day... you've missed out ...."... But he will never get it.
    He does this with the alphabet too... Misses off Z.

    I try and 'promt' him by getting him to look at his diary...
    (It is really obvious what day it is...)...

    He will pause for ages..... eeehhmmmm lets see..
    he will then check the TV if he can .... Then will look again at the calendar...

    "Oh yes, it is x after all"... !!

    If he knows we are due to go 'somewhere' in a few days.... we will have days and days and hours of questions.... about days , dates, times / hours..... etc.

    He is better off knowing ON THE DAY ... Then he will not be worried for days on end.

    I use lots of A4 paper... BIG BLACK MARKERS ... lots of notes/reminders... etc....
    Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not.

    It's been this way for months on end....

    Take Care,

  13. Bets

    Bets Registered User

    Aug 11, 2005
    South-East London, UK
    I think you have a point, BeckyJan, re the constant repetition of questions being an attempt at conversation/communication. As soon as we sit down for our evening meal, my husband will ask "What happens tomorrow?", often several times in the space of as many minutes. He also frequently asks "Can I do anything?", sometimes every few seconds. It seems to me there is an element of obsession/compulsion to these questions (which have been going on for years) in that I sometimes feel that he knows he is repeating himself but just can't help it.

    If I try to make conversation, I might get one relevant remark in reply, but usually the best I can hope for is "Really?", or maybe just a grunt!

  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Yes Bets - exactly. When tomorrow comes it is 'what is happening today'. Then what did we do yesterday? I get 'can I help you' and then when I suggest something (simple) he seems to find an excuse for not doing it. I checked tyre pressures this morning and he said I could do that for you and yet he can fall over just getting up from a chair! He said he was going to clean the hedge bottom at front of house (full of leaves and muck) - how could he holding onto a frame? No logic but all seems to be an attempt to be 'normal' as these are things he would normally have done as routine.

    With all this I do still wonder at WHAT STAGE we are in -- the MMSE does not make sense - I try to follow the 7 stages and still cannot really fathom out where we are in it - I know he is not in very late stage or in the very early stage, so I guess it must be somewhere between 4 - 6 - probably towards the latter.

    Just felt like posting all these thoughts - thanks for all your comments. :confused: Beckyjan
  15. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Just saw your post DaisyG - David can no longer use the telephone, mobile or portable. Could not switch tv off. Has not a clue about remotes. How long has your husband been suffering/diagnosed. Keep plodding on best wishes Beckyjan
  16. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya BeckyJan,
    I am sure that he needs to believe that he can still do these things, that he is still useful.
    Love Helen
  17. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    North West England
    What day is it? What time is it?

    Hi BeckyJan and others,

    I wish I knew what stage we were at too.
    My days are ALL difficult... and can be sooo varied. Some really good... Others ... I could cry.

    BeckyJan, my husband has been having multiple strokes for several years now.. so his AD is MID/ Vascular.... He is getting much worse.

    He regualrly ask me "Shall I do 'this / that' for you".. such as
    change a light bulb... go up in the loft..... move furniture....



    The first time he said anything like that ... I was shocked and said...
    "What on earth are you on about.... don't be daft... of course you can't do something like that...!!!"

    Now, I just say.... "It's OK... I'll do it..." no problem....

    BeckyJan.... He has trouble using the phone too.... It's a GOOD / lucky day that he manages it ...... as well as the remotes !!
    I can't really trust him with ANYTHING with a 'DIAL' ... (central heating etc)...

    We now have a 'speaking clock' (got it from the RNIB web site)...
    Button on top is pressed ... and time is spoken...
    He has no 'concept' of time and it's meaning .......

    He 'says' he cannot understand what I mean when I say it's (for example)
    "twenty past eight" ....
    He needs to SEE it written down ... or spoken in a different way than I speak.

    He has become VERY critical of my 'speech' in recent weeks.
    Has this happened to anyone else ?

    He asks ALL the time... "what day is it... what day was it .....when is.... where is... how is...
    It can go on for an hour or so in the night.
    If I 'pretend' to be asleep... he will just shout louder !!

    Also, as soon as we are sitting down eating...
    "Is there any left .." "What are we having for tea" (when we are eating lunch)...

    Sometimes (IT USED TO BE A LOT MORE) he forgets that he has eaten....

    Are we not having lunch today? .... What time are we having lunch today? + + +
    Why are we not eating today?.... when we have...

    He will say..... "I 'know' I've asked you already BUT......".... then he goes into repeat mode...

    Take Care.

  18. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Daisy: I think I am going to laugh at your last post (if I dont I will cry) - its just that last night at 2.00 am when I was in a deep sleep I was woken up by'Jan have we had tea yet??' - I said yes but are you hungry and he said 'no' he just could not remember having tea!! This morning he asked where was his father (who died some 40 yrs ago).

    I think you may be getting it worse than me but I think we are no far behind you. Strangely our daughter and husband and his parents returned this afternoon from a holiday - came to collect their dog from us! He conversed with them like normal so they just cannot see how bad he really is. Thats what happens with the MMSE tests he just rises to the occasion and then I am left with the aftermath. I am sure that happens to many of us.

    Keep plodding on. Best wishes Beckyjan
  19. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    "He has become VERY critical of my 'speech' in recent weeks.
    Has this happened to anyone else ?'

    In a way, yes. Recently Mum is starting to lose the ability to speak and understand what is said to her.

    For example I will say "sit in this chair so we can have a chat" she looks at me and stands next to the chair.

    I try "Sit there Mum, it's a comfortable chair", she walks round to the other side, at the third or fourth attempt, she understands and says "shall I sit here?"
    When I say yes, she can't understand why I didn't just say that in the first place!

    I can only assume that somewhere from her ear to the brain, the spoken words get jumbled or lost and she only takes in part of what was said to her, it must be very confusing for's bad enough for me.

  20. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    I haven't worked out yet whether they really think they can do these things.
    My wife has not done any domestic chores of any sort now for years,not even a cup of tea.
    She still says tell me what you want for tea/dinner andI will get it for you.
    Still says I will help you with the washing up.(we have a dishwasher )
    Still says i have to make the bed.
    All these things and more.
    Another strange one Shall we go for a wallk?
    She walks badly now shuffles and holds on to something all the time,me mostly.
    I think it is like pulling out old programmed memories,but forgetting the answers.
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