Is it Friday. Is it Sunday. What day is it?
- Thread starter BeckyJan
- Start date
- Status
So sorry to hear that news Sue. The way Alz. affects people is so different in each individual. My wife gave up driving in spring 2005 - she does not see a psychiatrist and is only on aricept though we restarted propranolol which the consultant started to control her shakes (hands) and because of her depression our gp started fluoxetine (prozac) . Will Steve like the day hospital ? Would he notice if the others around him were not so young ? Will he go willing ? My wife will not go out with anyone other than myself or our daughters, although she did for the first time go out with a lady frommour local AS. My wife does not sleep much. If she gets up early I will stop her from fall asleep at 8pm etc.
Is there any reason why you have to make the non-driving official ? You said that you have to keep dangerous liquids out of the way, my wife "wishes she was dead" but she would not have a clue what to do.
cris
Is there any reason why you have to make the non-driving official ? You said that you have to keep dangerous liquids out of the way, my wife "wishes she was dead" but she would not have a clue what to do.
cris
Hi Beckyjan, Margarita and Cris.
There must be a way I can read our posts whilst replying??? I don't post too much so never really got the hang of it.
I have no idea if Steve will go to the day hospital. I hope he goes without being upset cos it certainly would do me good and hopefully him too. My friend is a psychiatric nurse and she worked at the hospital he will go to until recently so she knows everyone there and the patients too so I will ask her all about it. He doesn't like being away from me now unless HE decides to set off and go walkabout. I never saw him for over 20 years what with his job and his hobbies and now he is like my shadow most of the day. I'm hoping that if I say he has to go, he will. He always says 'I know you only do what's best for me'. the doctor said they would do 'tests' so I've no idea what that means.
The doctor said that about the bleach apparently because he will just go to any cupboard and get any bottle to drink from. I hadn't thought about that. Because of his rheumatoid arthritis he usually asks me to get him a drink - and also because he just can't manage to open a bottle of orange or whatever, get a glass and pour the orange in and then the water. He gets confused with that.
He took a driving 'test' or assessment last August and although he had just been diagnosed with alzheimer's and he made such a mess of the cognitive tests they said they nearly didn't take him out but they did and said he was a different person behind the wheel. Because he takes so many drugs now and a lot of them are painkillers and anti-depressants, I explained to him that he mustn't drive whilst taking them and he asked how long would he be on them so I said I didn't know, then we took the car for an MOT last week and it failed so he knows he can't drive it at the moment but now I have to pick the right moment (is there one?) to tell him that he must never drive again and of course inform the DVLA and insurance company.
The doctor also said to get a bracelet - one of those medic alert ones - with his name and phone number on and his condition. I must admit though, if anyone had come up to me in the street and was confused, it wouldn't have occurred to me to check if they had a bracelet.
Sue
There must be a way I can read our posts whilst replying??? I don't post too much so never really got the hang of it.
I have no idea if Steve will go to the day hospital. I hope he goes without being upset cos it certainly would do me good and hopefully him too. My friend is a psychiatric nurse and she worked at the hospital he will go to until recently so she knows everyone there and the patients too so I will ask her all about it. He doesn't like being away from me now unless HE decides to set off and go walkabout. I never saw him for over 20 years what with his job and his hobbies and now he is like my shadow most of the day. I'm hoping that if I say he has to go, he will. He always says 'I know you only do what's best for me'. the doctor said they would do 'tests' so I've no idea what that means.
The doctor said that about the bleach apparently because he will just go to any cupboard and get any bottle to drink from. I hadn't thought about that. Because of his rheumatoid arthritis he usually asks me to get him a drink - and also because he just can't manage to open a bottle of orange or whatever, get a glass and pour the orange in and then the water. He gets confused with that.
He took a driving 'test' or assessment last August and although he had just been diagnosed with alzheimer's and he made such a mess of the cognitive tests they said they nearly didn't take him out but they did and said he was a different person behind the wheel. Because he takes so many drugs now and a lot of them are painkillers and anti-depressants, I explained to him that he mustn't drive whilst taking them and he asked how long would he be on them so I said I didn't know, then we took the car for an MOT last week and it failed so he knows he can't drive it at the moment but now I have to pick the right moment (is there one?) to tell him that he must never drive again and of course inform the DVLA and insurance company.
The doctor also said to get a bracelet - one of those medic alert ones - with his name and phone number on and his condition. I must admit though, if anyone had come up to me in the street and was confused, it wouldn't have occurred to me to check if they had a bracelet.
Sue
Like you, Sue I wish I could refer to posts whilst replying (my memory must be failing).
David had tests at the day hospital. The only one I know about positively is 'blood' as they found he has high blood sugar and I now have to take him for another at the local surgery. They are also supposed to be looking at his mobility. The main thing is they do a variety of activities which must help a little, even though it is not remembered on return home. Model railways and painting have been mentioned. The staff fill in a book for me so that I now what has been happening and I can write any comments to them.
With the driving I told David that with his diagnosis he had to tell the DVLA and that they would refer to the GP. So he got ahead of this and 'asked' our GP what he should do - that was like a gift as the GP obviously recommended that he did not drive. Hence he wrote himself to the DVLA to give up his licence!! (I had worried about it for 2 yrs and the problem was resolved quite easily).
So maybe you would get support from your GP on the driving issue.
Take care Beckyjan
David had tests at the day hospital. The only one I know about positively is 'blood' as they found he has high blood sugar and I now have to take him for another at the local surgery. They are also supposed to be looking at his mobility. The main thing is they do a variety of activities which must help a little, even though it is not remembered on return home. Model railways and painting have been mentioned. The staff fill in a book for me so that I now what has been happening and I can write any comments to them.
With the driving I told David that with his diagnosis he had to tell the DVLA and that they would refer to the GP. So he got ahead of this and 'asked' our GP what he should do - that was like a gift as the GP obviously recommended that he did not drive. Hence he wrote himself to the DVLA to give up his licence!! (I had worried about it for 2 yrs and the problem was resolved quite easily).
So maybe you would get support from your GP on the driving issue.
Take care Beckyjan
Sue. open up 2 windows. You can read the posts while typing your thoughts / reply. From the e-mail - assuming you get e-mail notification - pick the link and then also open another browser and go via your "favourites" i guess.
If a problem lease ask again.
cris
If a problem lease ask again.
cris
I wish I could get my Dad to go to the day centre. He mostly just sits about watching TV or dozing in his chair (when he's not outside hoping that someone will stop and talk to him, or obsessing about how the neighbour is plotting against him!), and I think the mental health team are worried about that. As has been said it does not help if the brain is not kept stimulated - you used to see a lot of that in bad care homes, people plonked in chairs in front of a TV. The brain is like a muscle - you use it or lose it.
But he flatly refuses to go to a day centre. What annoys me is that they won't let Mum accompany him (he would go if she went too), as she is not a patient.
But these days are as much about giving we carers a day off and a day to do things that must be done...
It's a good point about bottles of bleach etc, which I shall have to keep in mind. Dad isn't that bad yet, but one of these days...
But mostly he has become very lazy and uses excuses to get me and mum do as much for him as possible.
It annoys me as a lot of his helplessness is self inflicted, I see people much worse struggling to keep independent.
But he flatly refuses to go to a day centre. What annoys me is that they won't let Mum accompany him (he would go if she went too), as she is not a patient.
But these days are as much about giving we carers a day off and a day to do things that must be done...
It's a good point about bottles of bleach etc, which I shall have to keep in mind. Dad isn't that bad yet, but one of these days...
But mostly he has become very lazy and uses excuses to get me and mum do as much for him as possible.
It annoys me as a lot of his helplessness is self inflicted, I see people much worse struggling to keep independent.
I do not think he is lazy. They have good and bad days. They can be very confussed, and it's these days he has you doing things. Please try to be understanding, as I very much doubt that it is self-inflicted. Can you not find a group of people with their carers which your mum and dad can both go with and maybe when your father is more at ease he may join on his own. It is about giving carers a break as well, as my wife is with me virtually 24/7. But I blew today at my daughters. They each come once a week for 3 hours. My wife looks forward to them all week. When they are here she is happy, when they have gone she will gaze at the floor mostly. I know they have work and family but an occassion whole day once a month would be any improvement.
Be tolerant with your dad please.
cris
Be tolerant with your dad please.
cris
I must admit that I use to think like that few years ago about my mum but sadly as I learn more about it all it really is not like that also I read in a dementia book that the Brain is NOT like a muscle .
Can write more about it 2morow as its geting late now .
I'm afraid that in Dad's case it really is - he is not that confused. For example he did many of the things he gets Mum to do when she was away for a couple of days. He magically found the ability to do them, and didn't need help from me (for example taking off his socks).
A good example is yesterday - it rained whilst I was out shopping and he managed to work out that my washing needed to be taken in and put away. All done without being asked. If Mum had done the washing, he'd have just sat and watched it get wet, or claimed that he was physically unable to do anything.
Which is really annoying as Mum is only a few years younger than him and has problems of her own!
Sorry to sound off but it's one of the things that really makes my blood boil!
As I understood it, it is important to use your brain to do things like puzzle-solving activities because it helps you to retain skills and also is much better than just sitting there. It also helps keep you occupied which can help with depression and also distracts from obsessional thoughts.
A good example is yesterday - it rained whilst I was out shopping and he managed to work out that my washing needed to be taken in and put away. All done without being asked. If Mum had done the washing, he'd have just sat and watched it get wet, or claimed that he was physically unable to do anything.
Which is really annoying as Mum is only a few years younger than him and has problems of her own!
Sorry to sound off but it's one of the things that really makes my blood boil!
As I understood it, it is important to use your brain to do things like puzzle-solving activities because it helps you to retain skills and also is much better than just sitting there. It also helps keep you occupied which can help with depression and also distracts from obsessional thoughts.
Hi Nebiroth:
I am not so sure that it is self inflicted and I can truly understand your feelings. My husband does depend on me tremendously having been a very very independent person. Yes he can sometimes put his socks on and other times seems completely helpless. He does go to the day hospital but only under protest and I just tell him it will help me if he goes as I am so confident he will be looked after. He always asks if I am going as he really wants me to be with him.
Their brains are still working (at David's stage anyway) - but I do think there is a tremendous fear of 'failure'. If he tries to wash up - he is wondering where is the soap where does this cup go where does this go etc etc. The times he has tried to do a relatively simple task and has failed.
The experts say let them keep doing things so that they feel useful - that is great as long as they can complete the task reasonably happily.
I am in the process of doing a 'memory box' - just something filled with items with memories of earlier days. Hopefully he will 'help' me to do this and at least it will be a good talking point both as we do it and when visitors arrive. It will not matter if the 'talks' are repetitive. I am just hoping it will be successful.
So please understand that it is very doubtful that your Dad intends to be as he is - some of it will be lack of confidence and confusion (tangles in the brain!).
Take care Beckyjan
I am not so sure that it is self inflicted and I can truly understand your feelings. My husband does depend on me tremendously having been a very very independent person. Yes he can sometimes put his socks on and other times seems completely helpless. He does go to the day hospital but only under protest and I just tell him it will help me if he goes as I am so confident he will be looked after. He always asks if I am going as he really wants me to be with him.
Their brains are still working (at David's stage anyway) - but I do think there is a tremendous fear of 'failure'. If he tries to wash up - he is wondering where is the soap where does this cup go where does this go etc etc. The times he has tried to do a relatively simple task and has failed.
The experts say let them keep doing things so that they feel useful - that is great as long as they can complete the task reasonably happily.
I am in the process of doing a 'memory box' - just something filled with items with memories of earlier days. Hopefully he will 'help' me to do this and at least it will be a good talking point both as we do it and when visitors arrive. It will not matter if the 'talks' are repetitive. I am just hoping it will be successful.
So please understand that it is very doubtful that your Dad intends to be as he is - some of it will be lack of confidence and confusion (tangles in the brain!).
Take care Beckyjan
I agree BeckyJan
Having watched Mum early on as the disease progressed, changing from a very organised efficient person to someone who could not manage to make two coffees one with and one without sugar, it must have been horrible for her.
She once looked at me when she was trying to put some washing on the line with me and getting it all wrong, and said with tears in her eyes "why can't I do anything, I'm not an idiot!"
No-one ever suggested she was, but trying so hard to do everyday things and failing must be soul-destroying and switching off and giving up has got to be the only way to manage sometimes.
Kathleen
Having watched Mum early on as the disease progressed, changing from a very organised efficient person to someone who could not manage to make two coffees one with and one without sugar, it must have been horrible for her.
She once looked at me when she was trying to put some washing on the line with me and getting it all wrong, and said with tears in her eyes "why can't I do anything, I'm not an idiot!"
No-one ever suggested she was, but trying so hard to do everyday things and failing must be soul-destroying and switching off and giving up has got to be the only way to manage sometimes.
Kathleen
The brain as a muscle
I am not sure about the brain being a muscle but I am of the view that being actively engaged in life is helpful.
For example my Dad and I used to get some of the shopping. This involved a two mile walk and I actively involved him in the process of shopping eg asking him where things were, getting him to pick up items, unloading the basket etc. I praised him for helping Mum and he always liked that
He used to go to the day centre and very much enjoyed meeting people and doing activities. They were his friends and he was their friend. We never passed up a trip to the pub or cafe.
We used to take him to bowls where, with support he was still able to participate. Meeting his friends there has been helpful. Last month he and I even won a game (with the help of an indefatigable lady who was our skip. We would go to the pub for a lemonade now and then and always go to cafes for a cup of tea.
In the evenings we talked, although I did not always understand his words. I would ask him to spell words, point out things on the TV and discuss them and just listen to him talk.
I am not sure this helped to exercise his brain, or has helped to delay the AD but I do know he has benefited from being involved in life as much as possible. The human need to interact with others has been recognised and pursued.
Today he is undergoing an assessment. All these activities have stopped and he is worse for it. Whatever happens next (Care home/Full time care by me) I will try to help him engage with life as far as his illness allows.
Good luck
I am not sure about the brain being a muscle but I am of the view that being actively engaged in life is helpful.
For example my Dad and I used to get some of the shopping. This involved a two mile walk and I actively involved him in the process of shopping eg asking him where things were, getting him to pick up items, unloading the basket etc. I praised him for helping Mum and he always liked that
He used to go to the day centre and very much enjoyed meeting people and doing activities. They were his friends and he was their friend. We never passed up a trip to the pub or cafe.
We used to take him to bowls where, with support he was still able to participate. Meeting his friends there has been helpful. Last month he and I even won a game (with the help of an indefatigable lady who was our skip. We would go to the pub for a lemonade now and then and always go to cafes for a cup of tea.
In the evenings we talked, although I did not always understand his words. I would ask him to spell words, point out things on the TV and discuss them and just listen to him talk.
I am not sure this helped to exercise his brain, or has helped to delay the AD but I do know he has benefited from being involved in life as much as possible. The human need to interact with others has been recognised and pursued.
Today he is undergoing an assessment. All these activities have stopped and he is worse for it. Whatever happens next (Care home/Full time care by me) I will try to help him engage with life as far as his illness allows.
Good luck
It's a familiar story. My mother could magically cook a meal for my brother, and dress and undress alone unaided on the rare occasions when he was the only one in the house with her.
I did encourage her to do things for herself when others were expecting her just to lie in bed and be spoonfed. I kept saying "you can" when she said "I can't".
Of course in the end it didn't make any difference, but it was worth it while it lasted.
Lila
I did encourage her to do things for herself when others were expecting her just to lie in bed and be spoonfed. I kept saying "you can" when she said "I can't".
Of course in the end it didn't make any difference, but it was worth it while it lasted.
Lila
Nebiroth said:
Thanks Helen. How simple is that!? I can be very dim sometimes lol.
I am reading the posts with much more interest now since Steve deteriorated. I have always been interested of course but I can now relate to what a lot of people say.
Beckyjan. I SO agree with you. Steve can't do the simple things now although having said that, some days, just very occasionally, he seems to do something he's not been able to do for a while, like tie the laces on his trainers. I also feel sure he will not be happy when he realizes that I'm not going to the day hospital with him as I'm his security blanket and he goes everywhere with me. He will occasionally empty the dishwasher and then it's a game of hunt the plates etc. They could be anywhere. His brain works too in that he knows he is ill and gets very very upset and frustrated about it. For instance, he's just disappeared and walked to Tesco which is a 10 mins walk and bought me flowers. He does that two of three times a week and I have to tell him very nicely not to because we really can't afford it. I make sure he has £10 in his wallet but I think I might have to leave him penniless now though having said that, he'll still go up there to buy them and what will he do when he hasn't any money to pay for them? what do you do?
Kathleen. He was also a very efficient man, he could do any job asked of him, he was a kitchen and bathroom fitter and could plaster, tile walls and floor, anything. Now he can't put a nail in the wall and can't do the simplest things in life. He says I'm an idiot and gets upset and I say you are not, you are a very clever man. As you say, it must be absolutely soul destroying.
Sue
I am reading the posts with much more interest now since Steve deteriorated. I have always been interested of course but I can now relate to what a lot of people say.
Beckyjan. I SO agree with you. Steve can't do the simple things now although having said that, some days, just very occasionally, he seems to do something he's not been able to do for a while, like tie the laces on his trainers. I also feel sure he will not be happy when he realizes that I'm not going to the day hospital with him as I'm his security blanket and he goes everywhere with me. He will occasionally empty the dishwasher and then it's a game of hunt the plates etc. They could be anywhere. His brain works too in that he knows he is ill and gets very very upset and frustrated about it. For instance, he's just disappeared and walked to Tesco which is a 10 mins walk and bought me flowers. He does that two of three times a week and I have to tell him very nicely not to because we really can't afford it. I make sure he has £10 in his wallet but I think I might have to leave him penniless now though having said that, he'll still go up there to buy them and what will he do when he hasn't any money to pay for them? what do you do?
Kathleen. He was also a very efficient man, he could do any job asked of him, he was a kitchen and bathroom fitter and could plaster, tile walls and floor, anything. Now he can't put a nail in the wall and can't do the simplest things in life. He says I'm an idiot and gets upset and I say you are not, you are a very clever man. As you say, it must be absolutely soul destroying.
Sue
Very similar here
Dear Nebiroth,
I've been following your thread and must admit, it's a very similar situation here. There are many things in my case that I see, she is unable to do due to her short-term memory loss... such as cook a full meal and pay bills. However, her capability is not all taken away. She's entirely capable of taking a shower on her own, getting a plate from the kitchen, a drink from the fridge, etc, etc, etc. However, it is when she knows there are people around to do it for her, then the picture changes. She's quite happy to get the attention by having people do things for her. I believe it's one way of her to get others involved in her life.
Hence, like a young child, help and assist when needed. It's a fine line drawn between assistant someone who needs it, and spoiling that person. Take it slow, one day at a time. I understand that the person may be demanding and want things his/her own way, immediately. However, do know when to give in and when not to.
Alzheimers doesn't take a away a person's character in a single night. It takes time. Be patient for him and for yourself. I wish you all the best.
Regards
J
Dear Nebiroth,
I've been following your thread and must admit, it's a very similar situation here. There are many things in my case that I see, she is unable to do due to her short-term memory loss... such as cook a full meal and pay bills. However, her capability is not all taken away. She's entirely capable of taking a shower on her own, getting a plate from the kitchen, a drink from the fridge, etc, etc, etc. However, it is when she knows there are people around to do it for her, then the picture changes. She's quite happy to get the attention by having people do things for her. I believe it's one way of her to get others involved in her life.
Hence, like a young child, help and assist when needed. It's a fine line drawn between assistant someone who needs it, and spoiling that person. Take it slow, one day at a time. I understand that the person may be demanding and want things his/her own way, immediately. However, do know when to give in and when not to.
Alzheimers doesn't take a away a person's character in a single night. It takes time. Be patient for him and for yourself. I wish you all the best.
Regards
J
I remember in the early stages with mum some days she would make a cup of tea someday could not, I new that mum was finding it hard to make a cup of tea, but my son could not understand no matter how much so when my mum keep asking me to make a cup of tea, he would get upset and say let her do it she just being lazy I even thought she was. it was not that mum was lazy. Just that she was forgetting how to do it getting confused I found it easy to stand by mum just prompt her show her. If I was tried when mum wanted to cook dinner I could see the mess she was getting in to if I criticise her like saying mum get out of the kitchen let me do oh god she get angry scream blue murder and come in to my face like she was going to hit me.
Then I found it all so easy not criticising mums just prompting her as time went on mum just left me to get on with the cooking, getting dress washing she could do it all herself but needed prompting because she was just forgetting how to do it ,but with me standing near her she do it . If I left her alone to wash she her half do it then came the stage she forget to wash so I would have to remind her she did not like that .then again if I left her this time she would not wash at all say she had again if I said she had not she get mad . So then, I did not ask her in the morning I just said come on your having a bath. I had to be there at all times.
Now mum can still dress herself , I organise her clothes , sometime she tell me what she wants to wear . I have a carer now & she give mum her clothes with a lot of prompting mum dresses herself I tell mum to put her own shoes on and she does it. Sometime mum will take her clothes of at night and put her nightdress on herself. with no prompting from me Mum wakes me the morning for breakfast then back to sleep & would only wake up for food .
So with the surport of one carer to wash mum lots of prompting from me mum gets up and about .
My mum is in middle late stages, but is on the medication Ebixa
Then I found it all so easy not criticising mums just prompting her as time went on mum just left me to get on with the cooking, getting dress washing she could do it all herself but needed prompting because she was just forgetting how to do it ,but with me standing near her she do it . If I left her alone to wash she her half do it then came the stage she forget to wash so I would have to remind her she did not like that .then again if I left her this time she would not wash at all say she had again if I said she had not she get mad . So then, I did not ask her in the morning I just said come on your having a bath. I had to be there at all times.
Now mum can still dress herself , I organise her clothes , sometime she tell me what she wants to wear . I have a carer now & she give mum her clothes with a lot of prompting mum dresses herself I tell mum to put her own shoes on and she does it. Sometime mum will take her clothes of at night and put her nightdress on herself. with no prompting from me Mum wakes me the morning for breakfast then back to sleep & would only wake up for food .
So with the surport of one carer to wash mum lots of prompting from me mum gets up and about .
My mum is in middle late stages, but is on the medication Ebixa
Hi Magerita
You say your Mum is taking Ebixa? I thought that Ebixa wasn't prescribed on NHS. I would like my Dad to try Ebixa (he is taking Aricept at the moment, but as I understand, Ebixa is for moderate to severe and Aricept is for mild to moderate AD)
Do you know how I could get Ebixa prescibed for Dad?
Alfjess
You say your Mum is taking Ebixa? I thought that Ebixa wasn't prescribed on NHS. I would like my Dad to try Ebixa (he is taking Aricept at the moment, but as I understand, Ebixa is for moderate to severe and Aricept is for mild to moderate AD)
Do you know how I could get Ebixa prescibed for Dad?
Alfjess
Ebixa!!!!!! I did a post about this ages ago. There are mixed views about the benefits. Ebixa is not generally prescribed but it seems to depend on postcode. In Derbyshire it is not supposed to be prescribed - I was told we could only get it privately. But having posted here I had doubts about its value anyway. Beckyjan
ebixa
Hi Beckyjan
How do I find your previous posts on Ebixa? I didn't know it was a postcode thing. I thought that if the NHS or NICE were not recommending it for NHS use, it would be nationwide. Do you know what the situation is at the moment regarding prescribing of Ebixa and I would be interested to know why you decided against it?
Alfjess
Hi Beckyjan
How do I find your previous posts on Ebixa? I didn't know it was a postcode thing. I thought that if the NHS or NICE were not recommending it for NHS use, it would be nationwide. Do you know what the situation is at the moment regarding prescribing of Ebixa and I would be interested to know why you decided against it?
Alfjess
- Status
