1. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Yes emailed across to all concerned stating facts !
    Lovely advice from all & great advice from Dementia Hotline
    Seems that no one is going to do anything until they see we aren’t .
    Duty of care letters of complaint to medical board next
    Hoping for miracle & emergency care at home package but it’s not looking hopeful

    It’s very quiet here at the Alamo!
     
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    How lovely of you
    Hugs back
    Hair very curly & thick but greying fast !
    Natural highlights!
    ‍♀️
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Thank you
    Have done emails to all relevant parties - as phone calls not making any difference
    Advice much appreciated
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Thank you have followed all advice now waiting for replies from relevant authorities
    This forum has been a life saver
    It’s only when you are so desperate that you reach out
    So many going through the same thing
    How sad
    Thank you for your time & advice it can feel lonely doing this year in year out & I have it easy compared to some
    X
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Thank you I am grateful for the advice but am so sorry that you have this experience as well
    Hopefully I will have positive news before Thursday- at least we have got the extension until a days holiday can be booked!
    Can’t imagine Thomas Cook offering this sort of days holiday but who knows could be a market out there .....
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Thank you for your advice
    I have tried contacting the Carers which SW has organised but no reply since leaving messages since Saturday!
    Doesn’t bode well !
    I keep all information & details now have 4 years worth - one day someone will take note !
    Until then ...
    thank you
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Another day & another round of phone calls chasing answers from Carers organised by social services for meal time care package

    Will they do all the washing generated by Mums incontinence is that part of their remit.

    Can’t get hold of Social worker as she won’t return my phone calls even after her office manager has contacted her to call us

    As Mums been deemed competent by social services we have been told we can’t use her bank account to access funds to provide extra care for her. As she keeps changing her mind about what she wants !

    Mum has historically sent away Carers for herself & my father - please God let it be different this time.
    Like a NASA launch the time is ticking down & still we haven’t got any answers !
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,271
    Female
    South coast
    They are still assuming that you will be doing everything.

    Tell the carers that you are not allowed to make any decisions for your mum as she has been declared competent and direct them back to the SW.
    Dont try contacting the SW yourself. Im assuming that they are not getting back to you as they consider your mum to be competent
     
  10. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,510
    Female
    As Canary says, they are ignoring you because they deem your mother has capacity. As your mother supposedly has capacity you don't need to do anything - then let them see what happens without your input. You have to totally leave them to it and allow it to fail, difficult though that will be.
     
  11. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    348
    I'm at work at the moment and don't use my log in here, but wow what a thread. It's like a bad soap opera scene.

    I just logged on to say I so agree with Sirena's post. Good luck to you @DesperateofDevon. You are a star!
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Can anybody hear you scream in cyber space ???
    Rang Carers who haven’t had any information not even an address for Mum from social services

    Thank god we did not let hospital discharge Mum yesterday as no care package in place until lunchtime Wednesday

    Yet sw email states Tuesday!


    Care package in place not for incontinence or for delusions

    What are these people playing at?

    So now sent them confirmation from hospital email on what’s what !

    Why is this happening to people all the time

    If I could I’d release equity from Mums property & move her near me / pay for care / build a granny flat - but we are not allowed to!

    So have chased up Doctors now as it will be their problem when they discharge Mum on Thursday
    I think there could be more posts soon....
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    I have just posted the phone call to Carers
    It’s unbelievable
    Care package wasn’t in place for original discharge date!
    Emailed my mums info over to them as they had no contact details for her or me- not even mums address!!
    No medical info
    Been told it was a very basic check she’s eating drinking & taking meds!
    Carers not happy!

    I think I might actually be loosing my sanity as this can’t be real - surely

    Not contacting SW anymore

    Doctors surgery informed of the latest **** up!

    Hopefully as the ball or poor Mum will be bounced back into their court/ duty of care they might have something to say about all this!!
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,271
    Female
    South coast
    Stop doing things and stop chasing people up.

    The SW thinks that you are the problem. If you remove yourself from the situation completely then they will see the true extent of your mums problems. Let it fail.
     
  15. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    It’s my Mum..
    I’m backing away now but it’s breaking my heart
     
  16. silversea2020

    silversea2020 Registered User

    May 12, 2019
    81

    It’s quite unbelievable what you’re going through.....disgraceful show of affairs isn’t it! I think definitely take a firm step backwards away from it all (and that’s hard)... only when things fail will SS take action - good luck & keep posting
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    I will if I can see the keypad through tears!
    Thank you all for the support
    X
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Ok I am goi g to really try to sit back
    Thank you
    I am listening to the advice
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,271
    Female
    South coast
    Of course it is. I would hate to have been in this position too. Unfortunately, if you have been seen as being the problem you have to let them see that it isnt you. Stepping back will show them the true picture quicker. If you are plugging the gaps your mum s problems are not seen and you are still being blamed, so the situation goes on for longer. You have to shine a cruel spotlight on your mums problems so that they are seen. Its a question of having to be cruel to be kind.

    Let everyone know that you would like to help, but as your mum is considered to have capacity, you are not allowed to. Be prepared to pick up the pieces quickly when it all goes pear shaped.
     
  20. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    719
    Fallen star!
    Xx
     

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