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I'm just desperate

Trekker

Registered User
Jun 18, 2019
206
London
Exhausted & now moved on but not forgotten!
It’s mums GP that is the issue but at least the care team are hitting the same brick wall!
I live with my glass half full, & believe in karma

As long as they deem mum capable I can only stand back & watch the house of cards created fall, & be ready to step back in

Thank you for replying
This forum is excellent as all the support makes a big difference
I’m so sorry that you are being put in this impossible position DesperateofDevon. Apologies if this something you’ve already tried, but have you contacted social services requesting an urgent safeguarding assessment, pointing about their duty of care to your mother, that hospital have said she lacks capacity, stressing her extreme vulnerability, explicitly saying that GP is ignoring what hospital said, failing to respond to your desperate pleas, that you are disabled and at breaking point? They are obliged to assess her and the facts will then speak for themselves. Even if you have already been down the route it bears trying again, as clearly things have got worse.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Ok folks
So my Aged mother’s GP has replied to my concerns & the carers by basically saying she visited my Mum on Friday & there was nothing wrong with her.

This is the same woman who the carers felt they couldn’t leave & rang the office to report that Mum wasn’t responding to the antibiotics that finished the next day.

The same woman who’ was off her legs’

The same woman who was seen by an out of hours GP & has another course of antibiotics as her dip stick tests flagged everything on Saturday!

The same woman found in a sopping wet bed!!!

To say I’m angry with my Mums GP is an understatement- but most of all I’m sad that my poor old mum who triggered the national dementia criteria in hospital has such an incompetent GP;
who informs me I need to sort out the TEC form with the carers!

Um I’m not my mums GP so nothing I send them from hospital discharge is current - that’s been with the GP for over a month!

Anyone ever experienced this?
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
You couldn't make it up @DesperateofDevon !!

I really don't know what to say.

Hope someone sees sense soon!
It’s just got more ludicrous but at least I now have evidence to back me up

GP emailed & she contradicts carers, out of hours GP, medical evidence & is sticking to there is nothing wrong with your Mum routine!

I am shaking with disgust!!!
 

Littlebear

Registered User
Jan 6, 2017
95
I don't know if there's another surgery near your mother's but if there is can't she change GPs? Her GP sounds appalling.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,602
cornwall
You can also put in a complaint whilst looking at other surgeries.You can request another doctor from the same practice,it doesn’t have to be this one.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
You can also put in a complaint whilst looking at other surgeries.You can request another doctor from the same practice,it doesn’t have to be this one.
I have done this but can’t change Mums surgery as she is deemed competent by her GP
Thanks for being here on this forum it’s my sanity saver.
Otherwise I begin to doubt myself at times if this can really be happening
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Id be inclined to phone 111

But thats just me.
My husband did that on Saturday, all documented it sadly it all goes back to mums GP to act on.

Hopefully the old saying if you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves has an element of truth in it in this situation.

I will continue posting as I hope that this situation will change & in some way it might help someone else
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
I’m so sorry that you are being put in this impossible position DesperateofDevon. Apologies if this something you’ve already tried, but have you contacted social services requesting an urgent safeguarding assessment, pointing about their duty of care to your mother, that hospital have said she lacks capacity, stressing her extreme vulnerability, explicitly saying that GP is ignoring what hospital said, failing to respond to your desperate pleas, that you are disabled and at breaking point? They are obliged to assess her and the facts will then speak for themselves. Even if you have already been down the route it bears trying again, as clearly things have got worse.
You can also put in a complaint whilst looking at other surgeries.You can request another doctor from the same practice,it doesn’t have to be this one.
I have done everything suggested, so now I guess I just sit back & let whatever is going to happen happen.
The exhaustion from all of the stress & worry means I sleep a lot, so think it’s got to be me time first now

Thanks for your support
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
I have made a formal complaint to the CQC as the surgery it turns out is under special measures.

I really feel as if I can’t do anymore, is it awful to also say I no longer want to

My husband has a week off next week & we need an Aged Mother free week!

The carers are going in 4 times a day at the moment, if the GP won’t take there concerns seriously what chance do we have.

Consolation is my Dad is in a wonderful care home, local to me.

I walked away from Aged mother on Saturday night after she asked me to stay with her - after Mum repeatedly told clinicians she didn’t need help when it had been offered.

I can’t express how numb & confused I am, but sleep helps.

Please don’t judge me, I’m my own worst critic - but I’m broken by all this; from the age of 6 I have been helping to look after my Grandparents- making sure they had a proper tea at tea time. I’m 51 now & this week & weekend I declined to do what I have always done.

My emotions are all over the place but I have a huge sense of relief

I know that this is just a short quiet period & worse is yet to come

But it’s the quiet before the storm
& breathe
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,602
cornwall
Hi again.I don’t judge I totally understand.Luckily for me dads GP is good and will phone and speak to me .I have LPOA.I have also been a Carer so I can understand from that aspect..I can understand why you need to step back.I care for Dad 4days a week.He also has carers in.But I will do no more than 4as he is mentally draining.Mum is not well either.If she is deemed competent by the GP then it will have to come to a head.She has a duty of care so if it results in a crisis she will have to deal with it.It is easier said than done I know to deal with your parent but I have found I have to set myself boundaries,otherwise I would be running around like a headless chicken.Take a break and relax for a while.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Hi again.I don’t judge I totally understand.Luckily for me dads GP is good and will phone and speak to me .I have LPOA.I have also been a Carer so I can understand from that aspect..I can understand why you need to step back.I care for Dad 4days a week.He also has carers in.But I will do no more than 4as he is mentally draining.Mum is not well either.If she is deemed competent by the GP then it will have to come to a head.She has a duty of care so if it results in a crisis she will have to deal with it.It is easier said than done I know to deal with your parent but I have found I have to set myself boundaries,otherwise I would be running around like a headless chicken.Take a break and relax for a while.
The support from this forum has been immeasurable. I would be lost without all you lovely people.
Thank you
 

Annakey

Registered User
Oct 26, 2018
33
Stick to your guns as Canary has said, they can't discharge her unless there are appropriate provisions in place for her to return home. You take care now of yourself too
I agree. Refuse to cooperate. They rely on guilt tripping you into taking on most of the care. It is inappropriate for her to be sent home when she needs so much care.

I am angry on your behalf.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
I agree. Refuse to cooperate. They rely on guilt tripping you into taking on most of the care. It is inappropriate for her to be sent home when she needs so much care.

I am angry on your behalf.
Thank you
Let’s hope that the CQC report actually makes a difference.
Thank goodness the GP actually emailed her reply & I now have proof of the total incompetence & disregard for patient welfare.
At least Mums GP can’t label the carers / paramedics/ out of hours GP as hysterical & manipulative.
Surely enough evidence soon to stop this from continuing.

Meanwhile in my Mums eyes the sun shines out of her GPs ...... ......& as this GP deems mum competent I can’t stop Mum from cancelling care package again.
 

AztecCamera87

Registered User
Mar 12, 2019
156
Ok folks
So my Aged mother’s GP has replied to my concerns & the carers by basically saying she visited my Mum on Friday & there was nothing wrong with her.

This is the same woman who the carers felt they couldn’t leave & rang the office to report that Mum wasn’t responding to the antibiotics that finished the next day.

The same woman who’ was off her legs’

The same woman who was seen by an out of hours GP & has another course of antibiotics as her dip stick tests flagged everything on Saturday!

The same woman found in a sopping wet bed!!!

To say I’m angry with my Mums GP is an understatement- but most of all I’m sad that my poor old mum who triggered the national dementia criteria in hospital has such an incompetent GP;
who informs me I need to sort out the TEC form with the carers!

Um I’m not my mums GP so nothing I send them from hospital discharge is current - that’s been with the GP for over a month!

Anyone ever experienced this?
I'm really sorry to read this :(.
We had been trying to get my dad reffered to the memory clinic for sometime, but initialy his doctor deemed he had no problem with his memory. They basicaly would ask the same questions I think they had asked your mum...

My dad still gets asked the same questions every time we are in hospital, and is obviously struggling. But he just can basicaly recite the answers (the only one he seems to struggle on is to do with the year). This is the same person who gets confused with who exactly I am from time to time and has major problems with incontinence, forgets he has had meals and has no idea his wife of many years died last year.

He was only really refered in the end due to the mounting evidence from others involved, and even then the GP sugested it was only as a precaution. His appointment is in under two weeks now, and I fear he will pass with flying colours.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,487
Mum's practice were aware that she had problems, but didn't really believe it till she went in and had a melt-down, throwing her medication around and threatening them. A consultant went to visit her at home very rapidly after that.
@DesperateofDevon and @AztecCamera87 , I hope you start getting the help and support you both need very soon.