'If I get like that, put me in a home'

[Sarasa]

I had an interesting phone call yesterday. I thought it would be the nurse practitioner to discuss mum's recent hospital visit and what we do next, instead it was a social worker who is visiting mum to see if a DOLs is appropriate. The woman seemed very competent and very relieved that I knew what she was talking about. She didn't know much about mum, certainly not that this is her second care home, and I think she'll have a bit of a shock when she sees how advanced her dementia is. I did say to her that I wanted her opinion about the care mum is receiving. I think the management of the home is competent and the carers on the whole fine, I just wonder if mum now needs more nursing care than they can provide. She'll be phoning me back next week to discuss next steps.
I haven't visited mum since I last posted as they still have Covid in the home and dressing up in a plastic pinny just to be told to go away seems a bit pointless.

 

[Grannie G]

It sounds like case notes need updating @Sarasa. My understanding of DOLs is it`s addressed in the earlier stages.

 

[Sarasa]

I had a call back from the social worker doing mum's DoLS yesterday. She'd been to see mum and agreed a DoLS was appropriate, I'd have been extremely surprised if she'd thought otherwise. I will be mum's representative which is good too. What was interesting was that she flagged up the same areas of concern that I've had with the home, mum staying in her room too much and her nails being filthy. She's going to put that in her report. I've already spoken to the manager about both issues and certainly since then mum has been up in the lounge more often. There is very little interaction there as must residents seem to be in at least as advanced stage of dementia as mum, but I guess having her up and about is a good thing. I've already emailed the manager and suggest we have a chat when the report comes in.
I popped in to see mum today for the first time in ages as the home has had a lot of cases of Covid. She was up and about and didn't seem any more frail than she had done over New Year when she was in hospital.
My brother and family are due to visit this weekend and I hope to take him to see mum. Although he says he is prepared I know it will be a big shock to him to see her how she is now.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

It's great to hear the SW is going to speak to the manager about your mum staying in her room and also about the fingernails. Whatever you say, let's be honest - they will listen more to the SW!

I had the same issues with my mum - another brown fingernail lady! Mum lived mainly on giant chocolate buttons so it could have been chocolate but like you, I didn't fancy checking!

Hope the visit with your brother goes OK...

 

[nitram]

Mum lived mainly on giant chocolate buttons so it could have been chocolate but like you, I didn't fancy checking!

I used

much less visible mess generally.

 

[jennifer1967]

I used

much less visible mess generally.

we always had white chocolate with the kids rather than having all smeared around their hands and faces, clothes and any other contact point

 

[nitram]

we always had white chocolate with the kids rather than having all smeared around their hands and faces, clothes and any other contact point

It still gets smeared - just doesn't show as much!

 

[jennifer1967]

It still gets smeared - just doesn't show as much!

exactly!! and easier to wash out

 

[jugglingmum]

I hope the visit with your brother goes OK. It might be something he needs to do having been unable to visit for so long.

I hope you can sort out the dirty nails. Mum's personal hygiene wasn't great before I moved her into care, and I should have been more proactive about it, although that probably would have meant me sorting out moving her into care earlier and I was just juggling too many balls at times (I've had long covid since April 20 not helping).

Mum resisted personal care when she moved (after her initial Hostess honeymoon period) and they worked with the memory clinic to medicate - also concerned about her low mood - I seem to have luckily found a very proactive care home and GP that visits weekly. I suspect at your mum's stage this might not work.

 

[Sarasa]

My brother and I went to see mum yesterday. Due to his being so ill for so long this is the first time in nearly four years that he's seen her. Mum was in her room, but was cheerful and seemed happy to see us. She didn't really make sense though she said 'hello darling' when we arrived and I think she knew she knew us. The fact that my brother is a dead ringer for my dad probably helped. My brother was OK about it all and it was much easier with two of us than just me. I took him for a tour of mum's floor, something I haven't really done myself. I've always avoided visiting at weekends, but the place was really buzzing with quite a few other residents having visitors too.
Despite mum being poorly over the New Year she is now looking pretty good. She's very much in the later stages of dementia, but I think she'll be with us a while yet.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I'm glad it went well - I know you've been anxious about your brother visiting. I imagine it was a shock for him to see your mum after so long but he's probably glad he went even if it was traumatic.

 

[Sarasa]

Today is my mother's 95th birthday and I popped in to see her this morning with a card and a large box of chocolates for the floor to share. She was pretty much as usual, quite happy, but not really making sense. I was pleased that she'd also had birthday cards from my two cousins, even if my brother hadn't quite managed to send anything.

 

[jennifer1967]

Today is my mother's 95th birthday and I popped in to see her this morning with a card and a large box of chocolates for the floor to share. She was pretty much as usual, quite happy, but not really making sense. I was pleased that she'd also had birthday cards from my two cousins, even if my brother hadn't quite managed to send anything.

happy birthday to your mum. chocolates always welcome

 

[Sarasa]

Popped in to see mum today. She was fast asleep so I didn't wake her. I spoke to a carer who told me they finally seem to have got something for mum to eat that she likes, cornflakes. She had two bowls this morning.
Various of the other residents were having a coffee morning so I sat down and chatted to one about her wartime memories of Worthing. It was fun and good to see the home doing stuff with the residents.
I was slightly annoyed to read on Facebook that the manager has moved to another care home, they haven't sent an email out about it so I wouldn't have known otherwise. However I met the new manager who was doing the rounds and seems pretty together. I mentioned that I've had the report back from the DoLS process and we agreed we'd meet up and chat through it sometime soon.
Chatting to the other resident really brought home how much mum has declined. Four years ago that's the sort on conversation I could have had with her.

 

[jugglingmum]

I don't like to wake mum if she is asleep, she was asleep a lot when I visited her at her flat, but if more often than not awake in the care home if I time it right.

It's annoying the manger keeps changing. The manager has stayed the same where mum is - but this covers a care home and a nursing home, but the deputy manager has changed about 4 times in the year mum has been there. Carers are consistently the same though.

 

[Louise7]

I was slightly annoyed to read on Facebook that the manager has moved to another care home, they haven't sent an email out about it so I wouldn't have known otherwise.

A similar thing has happened in mum's care home. The manager, who has been there for about 5 years, left in January and was replaced by a temporary manager but no message came out to the relatives. I just happened to recently see mention of the temporary manager on their website and speaking to other relatives they had no idea either! I do think that they could at least have sent an email out to let people know.

 

[Sarasa]

Mum has been in care for four years now, the time seems to have gone extremely quickly.
I went to see her today, not having visited for a few weeks as I had Covid and then was on holiday. She seemed very cheerful and was very chatty, though not making any sense. At least we had a laugh.
The saddest thing is that I've just been elected onto the Town Council. Mum who was a political activist right up to her late eighties would not only have been very pleased, she'd have been giving me excellent advice about how to go about my new role. I told her anyway.
Although she isn't eating a lot, her stomach seems very big. I don't know if that is related to the possible cancer the hospital thought she might have in January. She doesn't seem in any pain, so I don't think further investigation is worth while.

 

[jennifer1967]

Mum has been in care for four years now, the time seems to have gone extremely quickly.
I went to see her today, not having visited for a few weeks as I had Covid and then was on holiday. She seemed very cheerful and was very chatty, though not making any sense. At least we had a laugh.
The saddest thing is that I've just been elected onto the Town Council. Mum who was a political activist right up to her late eighties would not only have been very pleased, she'd have been giving me excellent advice about how to go about my new role. I told her anyway.
Although she isn't eating a lot, her stomach seems very big. I don't know if that is related to the possible cancer the hospital thought she might have in January. She doesn't seem in any pain, so I don't think further investigation is worth while.

wow! town councillor, it could be her stomach is bloated because of that. probably feels full. at least your mum sounds cheerful so looks like not in pain.

 

[Grannie G]

I know how you feel @Sarasa

My husband set such a store on higher education and has missed all the joy of the educational achievements of his grandchildren

 

[Sarasa]

Mum was very chatty for her today. As she often does she complemented me on what I was wearing. I think that is a reflex thing she does when she meets people, but I was wearing one of my favourite dresses, so maybe she was appreciating it. I understood some of what she said, obviously some of it was about the other residents and maybe the staff, 'I like her', for instance. She also asked me if I had a boyfriend and looked surprised that I was married. She looks fatter than she did before. I guess those fortified drinks have a lot of calories, as I don't think she eats a great deal.
This afternoon I got a phone call about mum being out of pull ups. I knew she'd been wearing them, but assumed the home had a supply. Apparently they've been using other residents supplies. They've referred her to the continence clinic, but until she starts getting them for free they'd like me to supply them. I ordered some to be delivered tomorrow and asked them to let me know if they are any good or not. Not something I know anything about.
I don't think I'm that enthusiastic about the home, but moving mum at this stage seems to be too much of a faff, for probably very little gain.