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Discussion in 'Dementia-related news and campaigns' started by noelphobic, May 24, 2014.
Well, how's that for a judgemental comment!
Unfortunately I do think this article hasn't painted Botham in a good light. There is a definite undertone to it. Like he just washed his hands of his father completely for the last six months of his life because there "was no point in visiting". Also the mention of him advising his mother and children not to visit either. It smacks of simply abandoning his father in his final months.
I do hold my judgement of him because I'd like to actually hear his views rather an article which mentions his expensive watches, private jets and his affair. It does appear to put him in an uncaring light and I'd like to know if he had sight of the article before it went out!
I have read posts here from people at the end of their tethers who simply need to step back and take a breath from visiting. I've never yet read about someone who cares about a parent simply not visiting them for several months at the end of their lives because "there's no point".
Of course there are people who do not have a good relationship with their parent and that's a whole different matter.
I'm not off to polish my halo, I'm off to polish my MEDAL, the one I gave to myself for being a caring, loving, unselfish, compassionate, mentally strong, resilient, capable, good organiser, cleaner, cook, washer upper, poop cleaner upper, pee cleaner upper, good at ironing, feeder of helpless mum, hairdresser to helpless mum, fighting for my mum, living with a mum who had a personality I know longer recognised but I still loved her, and when sadly she had to go to care home visited her everyday until the very end and would have done all this again for her, its called love.
Thank you Kassy and Saffie, it's a gold one naturally.
I'm so appalled by some attitudes of such a judgemental nature. I wonder why this mere sportsman who may or may not have said these things in the way that the article is written is judged. I don't know him and do not believe everything I read, it is so easy to be misquoted and the journalist may have been very selective in this article. I don't walk in anyone else's shoes and dislike intensely the attitude because I did this or that it is the right thing to do. Much like those who care at a distance ! really ? can you wipe a nose from another country. Please do not be so hasty to pass judgement on a man who is after all very hard working in his charity efforts. He may not be perfect but does not deserve villification based on just a page in a newspaper.
My mum died last week, my sister turned up after 20 years, did she really care? obviously she cared enough at the end but does that take away the hurt of her being invisible for 20 years ? well no. Botham was not there perhaps at the end but if he was there up to then his experience of the awful disease may have
coloured his judgement. I don't think it right to say he was selfish or uncaring he perhaps was just human.
'coloured his judgement'...some of us have no choice as to whether our 'judgement' is 'coloured' or not.
We just get on with things and treat the person who is suffering, whatever the ailment is, as we would want to be treated, by the love that we feel.
We even put them before ourselves...
Now there's a concept.
It seems that he didn't believe that 'charity begins at home'.
I do know that garnuft I looked after my mum through mental illness that started when I was 15 and am now 60. So you do not judge me from any point of superiority in caring, as my point was we all walk a different path.
We do have a choice, and his was his, yours is yours, and mine was mine. I've nursed my mum through episodes of misery that only Dementia, took away so really don't like your assumption that you care more than me. Do you care more than me to "get on with things" probably yes, I modest don't seek to judge or be judged but I did so whilst doing A levels, working, having my own family and the pressure increased when dad died years ago to the point it made me ill. Care is relative but I'd not want a carer who did it because their was no choice, how grudging is that.
PS My husband can tell you in great detail how many times we've got up middle of the night, come home from, sorted out, moved her, how I missed my sons 21st, daughter's graduation and so I furious that you are so high handed and rude.
I'm sorry you think I was high handed and rude...that wasn't my intention.
Nor was my intention to state that I have a harder time caring than anyone else.
What I AM saying (in capitals for emphasis) is that the person who is being cared for did NOT choose the path, if you LOVE someone, I cannot see HOW you can turn your back on them and STILL profess to LOVE them.
In truth Ian Botham was always a bit of a loose cannon and often in trouble when he was playing cricket.
His image improved when he did his charity walks but I suppose he is what he is. Which is a fallible human being.
Sent from my iPod touch using Talking Point mobile app
garnuft. Love is not conditional. And it is sometimes harder to walk away than stay.
We do what we think is best, and I think you are implying that caring is about love and I disagree. Dementia destroys love when you've cared as long as some of us have. Love is lovely but it does not pay the mortgage or make up for the loss of our own lives as we are cheap labour.
My caring began before the term was invented. Care is clearing up poo, cooking, cleaning, shopping, feeding, taking to dr's appt's, getting up, putting to bed, listening to weird conversations, heartbreaking pleas to find my mum, the list goes on and on. Do that for 40 years and you might understand why I'm not angry with Bootham he may like me have just got tired.
I'd also add that I have no idea why the honours system is bought into this either. Are you up for a gong ?.lol night night.
I don't think he did any of the above.
But I know what you mean, I too am weary of caring and sometimes long for the thread of love to be cut that would enable me to take a step back.
I am not able to, that is my weakness/strength.
Best wishes Fedup...I didn't mean to upset you.
P.S he is Sir Ian Botham
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