I suspect my father may be struggling with dementia...

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by AztecCamera87, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    The home was broken into at some point today, things stolen, window smashed at the back of the house, mess made everywhere. Things can be replaced, but just the idea that people broke in. Not sure how we will tell dad.
     
  2. charlie10

    charlie10 Registered User

    Dec 20, 2018
    300
    Really sorry AztecCamera.....that's horrifying! Do you need to tell your dad if he's still in hospital? Can you put it to rights and explain missing things by saying they've been borrowed/stored/sent for repair etc? You must be so upset to have to deal with this on top of worrying about dad....I do hope life gets a little easier for you...it shouldn't be this hard :(
     
  3. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    Today the hospital discharged dad without telling anyone, he was just left in the discharge lounge without a phone or without keys. While we have sorted LPA and etc, it seems rather terrible form to leave a vulnerable diabetic man with poor short term memory problems in the discharge lounge alone without notifying next of kin. We only found out as the District Nurse contacted my sister to find out if he could be visited later on this evening. Occupational health had said he would need a hospital bed, which wouldn't be delivered until Monday.
     
  4. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    64
    Oh god this is horrible. This kind of uncertainty was the very worst for me with Dad. It's only gone away since I moved him into a CH. I don't know who you can complain to but if you have the energy you must as it's outrageous.
     
  5. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    The hospital bed arrived on Monday, and he was discharged and went home in hospital transport. My sister had the day off in order for the bed to arrive and to get the window replaced from the burglary. All was fine, the carers came in the evening to sort his dinner out then to get him changed in the evening. District Nurse turned up in the evening to help with his insulin, dad told her he was doing it himself in the hospital (he wasn't). His blood sugars were high when checked by the DN, I checked them after I got home from work in the night time, they were still high but going down in the right direction.

    This morning me and my sister both went to work as normal as the care was all in place. District Nurse contacted my sister to say that dad was going to have to go back to hospital as his blood sugars were far too high and had ketones in his urine again. I don't understand as he seemed find when I went off to work this morning. I spoke to the paramedics on the phone briefly, my dad had given some incorrect information with regards to things going on.

    I hope the hospital may attempt to get to the bottom of things with regards to whats going on, I ponder if he has a underlying problem which hasn't been looked into. But I doubt they will, he will likely be stabled and sent home.
     
  6. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    426
    Female
    High Peak
    I can't help thinking that your poor dad should not have been discharged at all. He's clearly too ill and needs to be in hospital till he can be stabilised.

    But the manner in which this has happened - no communication, etc is just appalling. Hospitals get in big trouble over 'unsafe' discharges so when they want to send him home again, I suggest you remind them he's had one unsafe discharge already.
     
  7. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    Hi everyone, the latest is my dad has been back to a&e twice more since I last posted. I'm currently sitting in A&E with him trying not to lose my cool with staff as they never seem to be able to have a look at his history of recent trips to A&E and ask the same questions over. Sigh.
     
  8. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,927
    Yorkshire
    sending you and your dad best wishes @AztecCamera87
    I hope the staff take the time to realise your dad's been in hospital so often and needs a thorough check up - is there a dementia matron in the hospital, maybe ask to speak with them?
     
  9. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    My dad has no diagnosis of dementia, he is still awaiting a memory clinic appointment. Sometimes it feels like only me and my sister see it. But he does have all the signs and growing, but it's generally frustrating as in the short times medical professionals see him, he's hunky dory.

    I suspect he will home again today, as the doctor has already given us one, your blood tests look good Mr AztecCamera.
     
  10. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    My big mistake was going off for a few hours to see my GF, but I needed to help her with something today, and I have barely seen her in two weeks. I gave my dad a few instructions if they were to discharge him:

    - get them to call me or my sister predischarge.
    - make sure they inform the district nurses, so they can come and visit him
    - find out why his blood sugars are still so erratic.

    My dad called me as he was put into transport, as he wasn't sure where his keys were (same place as always). So yeah, he's going to be home alone for the next few hours...
     
  11. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    The district nurse made me feel like a liar today. I've been keeping a food log for my dad, the only thing she would say was "the hospital said it must be due to what he eats at home, maybe you're not logging everything". The hospital had also told the district nurses a couple of other untruths about things that happened yesterday. So I'm rather annoyed. My dad gets confused and cries. I had to take my GF to an appointment today, apparently I "need to think more about dad".
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,237
    Female
    South coast
    Well that DN wasnt very helpful!

    Is it possible that your dad is sneaking food behind your back while you are at work? Its something that does happen with dementia (assuming thats what he has got). Could he, for example, go out and buy sweets or cakes? There would be no point in asking him BTW as he probably would have no recollection of eating anything, even if he did. People with dementia will often say that they have had nothing to eat even when the person they are talking to has seen them eating dinner 5 mins beforehand!
     
  13. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    Been a couple of weeks without me commenting. Just wanted to touch base with the latest.

    We have a memory clinic appointment scheduled for mid June. But he still managed to pass a screening with his GP. Which isn't a surprise, but she still felt he should attend.

    I was in hospital myself for a few days at the end of last week. After having either an allergic reaction to medication or a stress reaction. My feet and hands are still a tad raw as they got very inflamed.

    Dad decides he didn't need carers anymore and stopped them, but the district nurse persuaded him to get them again as he is having personal hygiene problems. And me being in hospital probably helped things be a bit more obvious.

    He is now walking again with his walking stick, so has obviously decided to start smoking again (argh).

    He struggles to put things together in his head. He gets told by the district nurses not to eat breakfast until after they arrive, he agrees and apologises, the next morning he will be eating breakfast before they arrive (I can monitor him 24/7!).

    As for the reply from Canary above:
    At that time he wasn't able to walk to the shops and back with a frame or stick. So wasn't buying sugary snacks and his food was monitored..... Now though, I'm sure he is buying chocolate biscuits.
     
  14. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    Hi everyone,

    So, we have had one more stay in hospital of a week, dad was discharged last Wednesday. We had decided to pretty much refused any re-visit to A&E since he was home, his walking declined further while in hospital as he had a fall. His blood sugars have remained relatively high since being home, but his walking did improve. But even as his blood sugars got better, he has started to become more and more delirious over the past couple of days. Yesterday, my dad kept asking rather odd questions, couldn't tell us anything he had done during the day, we went for a hospital appointment, where of course he was polite and able to answer everything correctly ;). Dad believed though we had been to the park and on a boat. He was also asking us when mum was coming home from work and telling us about fixing the car. Every now and then he would ask me where 'AztecCamera87' was, when I was right in front of him helping to clean or change him, or referring to my sister as a child. I was wondering if he had an UTI or if his blood sugars were playing up. Surprisingly the District Nurses didn't think it was either.

    So, we had to call an ambulance, something we had attempted the best we can over the last week to avoid. The Ambulance didn't see it as a priority, which is understandable, but they didn't come until the early hours of the morning. My dad had decided he didn't want to go to bed, so ended up getting out of his bed and wetting the sofa. The paramedics arrived, and of course the flip switches, polite and friendly, until we started explaining alll the things that had been going on. This led him to becoming aggressive, telling paramedics we were trying to put him in a care home and were liars. He then focused insults on my sister. He refused to answer questions to the paramedics, as "he has a right to remain silent". :/

    But as I said.... he still has no diagnosis. I'm sure the hospital will send him home later today....
     
  15. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    oh and another thing.

    Is it normal for people who may be struggling with dementia, to bring up things that happened on the television as things happening in the house? We were watching Endeavor or Midsummer murders, one of those detective shows anyway, and my dad was asking me if I was going to go help (insert character name) with the locks, and whether I could "go up the road and give him the keys".
     
  16. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,454
    Female
    England
    It’s very common @AztecCamera87 , as is breaking news old news because it was heard last week. Live programmes have been seen before and my husband had even seen a car in the forecourt at a garage in a part of the country we had never been before that he said had been there for months and the garage would never sell it as it was overpriced and the mileage too high. We were at traffic lights waiting to go, we didn’t even know the name of the road we were in and were over 70mikes away from home.

    It’s really strange how this illness affects our cared for.
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,237
    Female
    South coast
    Definitely. Mums TV watching habits had to be severely censored. She also thought that TV characters were actually talking to her.
     
  18. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    426
    Female
    High Peak
    Mum hasn't watched TV for years - if I put it on she just says, 'Who is that horrible man/woman? Why are they on?' etc.

    Instead she reads, so many of her delusions/confabulations come from books. I am often told, 'There was another wedding here this morning - the bride looked awful!' (Romance)
    Or 'They were burying bodies in the garden last night - I watched them!' (Murder/mystery)

    Currently she is obsessed with her 2 sons who live in America. Not sure where that comes from but although they don't exist, they have apparently 'bought up this place,' - the Care Home - and have plans to 'demolish the lot!' :rolleyes:
     
  19. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    The hospital confirmed he has no UTI or any infection, but still seem to think his delurium is down to high blood sugars. Personally I do not. He's been put on a ward for the elderly. This evening he got very very angry when his money in his wallet was counted up. He then shouted at the HCA "nobody can touch that. Only me" and refused to have it put under lock and key. I managed to persuade him that he should have it put in his rucksack.

    He of course then went back to being completely considerate and placid. He told the nurse he didn't have any incontinence, and told me to stop telling lies when I said he's been having problems recently.

    He would go in and out of lucidity with me, asking when mum was going to get home as she has another parcel. Asking me randomly where 'azteccamera87' is, I told him in here, but he giggled and said 'he's only 12 or 14'. And then looking sad and saying, 'I know who you are'.

    I'm convinced it's not just his diabetes being out of control. But what can I do? He can be rather Charming with the hospital staff, but the mask does slip. It's especially when being asked memory related questions.

    The problem is, they will stable him and send him home. I've been having relationship problems with my partner recently, and work problems. I don't really know what to do anymore.
     
  20. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    72
    On some level I know my dad is screaming for help. But he is just too much of a proud old sod to communicate it. I feel defeated. But I know it's not about me.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.