1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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I suspect my father may be struggling with dementia...

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by AztecCamera87, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    26
    I don't think my dad will ever be able to cope with his ITV3. Also we have this very odd bond over murder she wrote. Hahaha.
     
  2. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    26
    I would like feedback. Am I just being over protective, am I just seeing things that aren't there. In my mind my dad has pretty advanced dementia. But it just seems nobody else can see it. I'm told it's just bad diet and bad blood sugar control. When my mum had cancer the first time, she was told it was just a bad case of hemaroids by her GP initially. So it's not like doctors don't mistakes.
     
  3. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    26
    How do I persuade the hospital or GP to get my dad an MRI scan on his brain? I'm sure they will find something. Should I just get the money together and pay for one privately somehow?
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,459
    Yorkshire
    hi @AztecCamera87
    I wish I had some 'answer' for you ... as his child, you clearly know your dad well and are very concerned about him ... after hospital visits and all the intervention, I wonder why medics won't consider looking into potential dementia

    you did say that when you backed off a little they began to support more, maybe that is one way, ie tell them that you have done all you can and have to concentrate on your own health and welfare issues, so they have to deal with your dad on their own, and the crisis it looks as though he's heading for

    maybe also consider how you approach visits in hospital so rather than trying to keep your dad settled, press a few of his buttons so they see how he is when not in 'host' mode ... sorry, not a pleasant suggestion

    would your dad go through with a scan if you paid for one, I can see a scenario where you end up with a bill for a failed appointment

    do you keep a log of your dad's behaviours so you have detailed evidence for anyone who will consider what you are saying

    sorry again, not really helpful
     
  5. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    53
    Can you make a telephone appointment with his GP to discuss a memory clinic referral? We are trying to get one for my dad but they had to rule out any other underlying issues which may cause symptoms e.g. high blood sugar, infections etc first. Having said that, until the blood sugar is stabilised they won't assess him so if (when) this continues you will be able to say 'Blood sugars have been stable for some time and his behaviour is still XXX so we need to look at memory clinic'. it doesn't solve your day to day issues, but let his (and your) GP know you aren't coping as this is important information.
     
  6. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    26
    My dad has a memory clinic appointment in July. His GP is his long term GP and was also my mum's. She felt incredibly guilty over failing to initially diagnosing my mum's cancer. And she really does seem to care.

    But my dad whizzed through the pre-assessment. Due to his ability to flip a switch around medical professionals. It's blood astonishing seeing him draw perfect pictures and write perfectly, considering he had struggled to write shopping list items 3 hours before hand!! But she still reffered him on the basis of the letter me and my sister sent her.

    The doctor I spoke to in hospital still feels the high blood sugars are to blame for the delirium. But agreed that he is confused, as my dad thought she was getting him coffee 5 minutes after she saw him.
     
  7. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    53
    Very strong host mode there! I imagine memory clinic have ways of getting around this? I'm glad you at least have an appointment. My dad did pretty well in the Dr's memory test too (no drawing though) although you could clearly see he was making a huge effort. Afterwards in the waiting room while waiting for my brother to get the car he was hugely confused (and aware he was confused). Like his brain had to have a break and had dropped everything. Sorry this isn't much help in the meantime. Someone who has had a memory clinic assessment would be much more useful here!
     
  8. Nikko

    Nikko New member

    Jun 15, 2019
    1
    Hello,
    Hopefully my experience may help AztecCamera87 and others.
    I finally got my Dad (& Mum) to go to have an initial assessment with the GP in October '18. My dad had been stopped by the police for not having any insurance (he forgot to renew, also discovered that the GP had written to the DVLA saying he shouldn't drive in 04/2017). I crook-locked the car and told him he had to convince the GP to get his licence back. The GP was good (he had been trying to get my Dad to take a memory assessment for a while). Dad still 'passed' 25/30. He was referred with a high-functioning notation. Dad still won't admit he has a problem (and was very angry as well). Memory clinic appointment in Jan '19 (he scored 68/100 ~ passmark is 82). Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The memory clinic will ask for your input on various issues, ie what he is capable of etc.

    For their safety we (my hubby) have set cameras in the house as M & D were forgetting to shut / lock the external doors. This has expanded to front room, back room, kitchen, hallway, landing. Cameras have baby cry so this helps with identifying any distress. We also fitted 'Ring' cameras in front & back, as well as the doorbell. We 'share' the monitoring with adult children & brother. This may sound like big brother house, however it protects them from all sorts. We only keep certain clip to support certain issues.

    I found being persistent (read bloody minded) and making written notes in front of health professionals / recording on your phone etc will provide supporting evidence. This helps build up a pattern that you can substantiate, and they should see you are serious in tracking everything.

    You may find cameras will help identify if there is additional eating of the wrong food, and if not you have the evidence to refute, their claim.

    Mum's been diagnosed in May. Personally I think there are aspects of vascular dementia with her. That's another mountain to climb. The LPAs have just come through. You may think about starting the process sooner rather than later as it is time consuming if you haven't already.

    I hope that this may be useful
     
  9. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    26
    Thank you everyone for your great input, it's really much appreciated and I'm taking it all board. The LPAs needed to be sorted asap and will be.

    Dads still in hospital, his blood sugars are still out of control. I had to attend an odd meeting with a doctor (who has only seen him once) head diabetes nurse at the hospital and one of his lovely district nurses. It lasted an hour, the diabetes nurse was just berating us. Telling the district nurse that they are just doing his insulin wrong (they're not), telling me that his food is all wrong (it really isn't). That I need to be ensuring he is looked after as in the hospital his blood sugars are fine (they were on sunday only). I told her his last reading at 12 was 26.2 (she didn't care). The district nurse explained he is only seen by certain nurses with complete training administering insulin. Basically, we were told that there was nothing more the hospital can do, dad will be sent home on Monday. And if he's back he will have to go into a care home. I asked about my dads obvious confusion, it was dismissed. I took dad back to his bed. I asked what the meeting was about, he just said, "they want my blood sugars to get better." And then asked "when is your mother getting here, it's been a couple of days".

    It was very odd.
     

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