Oh my goodness, you really are having such a difficult time and you and your mum need help.
If she wants to care for him at home then you need extra help
I don't know if you have done any of the following but here goes see if any helps
You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk, tell them it is urgent and explain your situation and ask for an assessment for your Dad - if you ask for day care that should be an option - a day centre where your Dad can go for lunch and activities. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days and it is also worth googling Dementia activities + your area to see what is going on. There is probably a fair bit but you need to search for it. Some care homes also do 'day care' which can be useful but I would try the day centres first. Day centres are a life saver - they give you time out and your Dad time away
You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly
It will be helpful for you to apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day for mum and write down the help that she needs (not the help that she gets but what she NEEDS). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it at the higher rate for both night and day, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask
Age UK are really good at practical help like filling in these forms
Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year. It is a freephone number and you can talk to them anytime - even now!!! To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.
In the longer term I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off work to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee.
The Dementia helpline is a useful number to have
lzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.
The Helpline is usually open from:
9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday
Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year and takes in excess of 250,000 calls annually. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.
If you look on the search on here you will find a link to compassionate communication which is really helpful. I understand your frustration but getting cross with your Dad won't help you or him.
Honestly if you get more help into the home you will all feel much better very quickly
i hope some of this helps
Thinking of you, keep posting
xx