Hi Connie
So sorry to hear things are still bad.
I remember those periods well when I was caring for Jan at home. Nowadays, things are still often bad, but differently so. Perhaps we get less sensitive over time, perhaps they get worse, to a point where we convince ourselves it seems better for them.
Most probably, the confinement of 24/7 caring where no matter what you do, you can't make things better, only stem the flow a little, or maybe not at all. ... perhaps that is what makes things especially bad.
These days when people ask how i am, I say "Fair to middling - that's about as good as it gets"; previously, it was "bl**dy awful - that's about as good as it gets". In reality, things are often much better than "Fair to middling" these days... as long as I can try to distance myself from Jan's condition. Which does not mean distancing myself from her, just sort of accepting it more than before, rolling up my mental sleeves, and just getting on with it. Frankly, there's no winning, no matter how much you fight it.
Recently I was unable to make visits for nearly two weeks, while recovering from an operation. That was when the dreams started. Each night, Jan was normal at the start, then deteriorated rapidly during the dream and - as happened in real life - I could do nothing about it. Never found a way to stop being haunted by the dreams. Now I'm back visiting, they have ceased.