1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    It has been a very bad week or so. Four visits from the paramedics as Lionel's mobility is sooo bad (how long have I been saying that), and various other problems that have surfaced.

    However someone asked me today "how are you?", I replied "I feel fine"

    FINE : Fed up, Insecure, Neurotic,Exhausted. How about you?
  2. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    sorry you have had another rough spell,hope it is passing now.
    I too answer fine when I am asked how are you,most of them don't really want to know anyway.
    We know the ones that do care don't we?
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi Connie

    So sorry to hear things are still bad.

    I remember those periods well when I was caring for Jan at home. Nowadays, things are still often bad, but differently so. Perhaps we get less sensitive over time, perhaps they get worse, to a point where we convince ourselves it seems better for them.

    Most probably, the confinement of 24/7 caring where no matter what you do, you can't make things better, only stem the flow a little, or maybe not at all. ... perhaps that is what makes things especially bad.

    These days when people ask how i am, I say "Fair to middling - that's about as good as it gets"; previously, it was "bl**dy awful - that's about as good as it gets". In reality, things are often much better than "Fair to middling" these days... as long as I can try to distance myself from Jan's condition. Which does not mean distancing myself from her, just sort of accepting it more than before, rolling up my mental sleeves, and just getting on with it. Frankly, there's no winning, no matter how much you fight it.

    Recently I was unable to make visits for nearly two weeks, while recovering from an operation. That was when the dreams started. Each night, Jan was normal at the start, then deteriorated rapidly during the dream and - as happened in real life - I could do nothing about it. Never found a way to stop being haunted by the dreams. Now I'm back visiting, they have ceased.
  4. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    I feel fine

    Dear Connie,
    I know how you must be feeling right now, because I went through a bad time with my Mum last year, when she had several falls within a short space of time. She didn't even know how they happened, but once she was on the floor she couldn't get up because of her severe rheumatoid arthritis. She used to sway from side to side as I was looking at her sometimes, and I had to tell her to sit down before she fell down. It is frightening when it is necessary to call the Ambulance Service, but they were always very helpful.
    Mum decided that she would prefer to be looked after in a Care Home and she was very happy there and able to do everything she did at home, because it was in the same village. However, after only three months there, she fell several times and broke her hip. She is in a Nursiing Home now, where they seem to be taking very good care of her and I don't need to worry about her. Unfortunately she isn't walking or even standing now, but I guess that was inevitable with her joint problems and osteoporosis.
    I feel sad when I see her in the NH, but I couldn't have looked after her myself. The nurses work in two's and use a hoist so that they don't hurt her arms. I don't know what the future holds, but Mum is in safe hands and I can easily visit her as it is just 10 minutes drive away.
    Take care of yourself and I hope Lionel will become more settled.
  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    :D thanks for the laugh ............ i hope at least that you don't feel you have to say you're Ok around here when you're not

    big hug

  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hello connie

    sorry to hear your having a rough week, :(
    thinking of you and lionel,
    i like "fine" by the way i normally say "oh you know "plodding" im going to have to find out what "plod "means now!! i can think of a few words but i cant print them here.
    take care xx
  7. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    Hi Connie

    Sounds like rough time......but you've still got your sense of humour.;)

    Maybe I can join in....

    I feel "great" ( Grizzly; Rebellious; Ever-worried; Anxious & Tired)

  8. JT13

    JT13 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2006
    Hang in there Connie.

    Dear Connie,

    Hang in there. There will always be good days and bad days. More so that you're feeling taxed and worn out from accumulated stress. Thank goodness there's TP here, with so many people who understand and lend a shoulder to lean on.

    We constantly have to keep reminding ourselves, it's OK. Then take a couple of hours just for ourselves to recoup. Most of us try to give so much care to meet the needs of our loved ones that we feel worn out. Don't worry, whenever you feel down and out, just drop by and write. We'll all be here for you. Very therapeautic and gives you space to release the stresses.

    Cheers and smile, because you're someone very special.:)

  9. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Connie

    Yes, we all say we are fine when we are not fine at all, but if we always said exactly how we are feeling we would walk down the street and see people we know scuttling down alleyways or dodging into doorways just to avoid us............could be fun though.

    What gets to me every time is when someone asks how Mum is , I tell them and they either say "remember me to her", which I find quite amusing or worse "I would go to see her but she won't remember me".

    That is the sting in the tail, she doesn't remember me, but I still go to see her because I love her.

    Still, they were not lucky enough to have her as their Mum, so I suppose I can understand their point of view, it still feels like an insult to her though, she and Dad were so kind to so many people in the village and not one of them has ever visited her.

    Oh well, that's life in the AD world.

    Take care Connie I hope Lionel settles again soon. By the way, How are you really? We do care!

  10. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello Connie: I am so sorry you are having another difficult time. I hope things are easing a little now. I have just read your post after Carelink have been to pick up David yet again after a fall. Everything is ok but I do worry about the next stage - especially immobility on top of the memory problems. I know we should not think ahead - one day at a time and all that, but .... Do you find that you just cannot help but think of what is to come?

    I always say 'fine just plodding on' and there are those wonderful people who give me a knowing look and then a pat or special smile. Thank God for caring people.

    Hope you are feeling a little better now. Best wishes Beckyjan
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    You have been so great to me when things were rotten and I hate that you are having such a rough time with Lionell. I suppose "fine" becomes relative after awhile doesn't it? What is fine to us is totally different to those that don't have AD in their lives. What a weird journey this is !
    Do take care of yourself. We waited too long to find alternate answers and it took a traumatic event to force to issue. I am still struggling with my hurt back since I ran all over the countryside looking for Mom when she wandered off. (picture 54 yr old running in jeans, 95 degrees at a full trot, screaming my head off....no stress here, ha!)
    We on TP know what " I'm fine" really means. Be good to yourself !
    Love, Debbie
  12. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Kathleen, I think you are absolutely spot on! The last thing we need when we are starting to feel isolated is to alienate anyone remotely friendly...!!! The instinct is to cover up, even to consider THEIR feelings .... we are blessed if we have even one or two REAL friends to whom we can answer with all honesty : "Absolute ****' and they don't walk away!!!! (Including our virtual friends here!)

    Connie, so sorry you are having such a bad time - thanks for letting your humour shine through for the rest of us!

    Hugs, Karen, x
  13. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    I feel fine

    I'm the only person who visits Mum, apart from the Church secretary who takes his dog to see her a couple of times a month. Her "friends" haven't bothered to even write a note, since the Christmas cards. Mum's neighbour who also cleaned for her, and spent quite a lot of time just chatting (at Mum's request), was given some nice things from Mum's house but she has never even been to the NH. I find it a struggle, but my children won't visit alone, I have to go with them. Still , looking on the bright side, at least Mum is more settled now and the staff seem nice.
  14. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Connie: Big Hugs and sympathy (why do I think they are likely to help??!!)

    Donna: PLOD - P*ssed-off, Lousy, over-tired, depressed?
  15. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi lynne

    yep that just about sums me right up:D thanks
  16. McK

    McK Registered User

    Sep 13, 2005
    Pgh. Pa. USA

    Dear Connie, Just to let you know that both you and Lionel are in my thoughts and prayers, as we as caregivers, journey into the unknown. - McK
  17. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    Connie, I wish I could say something to help. Thinking of you. One of those big hugs of yours is coming back at-cher.

  18. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    That is so true.....I just don't like to complain....put on a brave face and all that.....I save all my moaning and complaining for TP(sorry everyone!!).....but to the rest of the world I put on a happy face:)

    Connie...so sorry to hear you're having a rough time but again,as Karen says, your humour still shines through
  19. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

    P.S. Connie: Caring, (H)'onest, Nice, Natty, Intelligent, Eloquent
  20. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    People don't ask how I am, probably afraid I might tell them, in fact mostly only contact me to tell me their own problems.

    I think the last person who asked how I was feeling was the support worker at the 1st memory clinic appointment. Long ago and far away now.


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