I care for my mom who has Alzheimer’s and migraines

[Missy1977]

Just wanted some advice my mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s roughly a year ago, she also suffers with migraines she’s had these 30+ years. She’s becoming hard work I live at home with her and my dad my dad is also disabled, I’ve reduced my hours at work to support my dad
She’s constantly rummaging,wants to go home packs her things and she won’t back down then she gives herself a migraine I just don’t know the best ways to support her anymore she wants to go home all the time but doesn’t know where home is just wish I knew what to do it’s heartbreaking watching it happen
I also work 4 days a week
So days off I take care of her
I take care of her through the night and when I get back from work, where when I’m home my dad is totally shattered
Just don’t want to go home some days

 

[Knitandpurl]

I think you should ask for an assessment’ for both your parents, and a carers assessment for yourself. It sounds as if your parents and you might benefit from either from some carers going in when you are at work or some day care for your Mum. Something to take her mind off the fact that she knows something is wrong, the wanting to ‘go home’ is to do with anxiety, wanting to go back to when/where everything was alright. In my husband’s case he usually says he needs a holiday, his father was in the forces and he didn’t have a very happy childhood so for him it is ‘going on holiday’. Might also be worth a chat with the GP, my OH was prescribed lorazepam which I can give him to help with his anxiety when I think he needs it. The tablets are so small I can shove them in a sandwich or a drink, and they definitely help. It’s also worth trying reassurance and diversion, you’ll take her home after tea….., tomorrow. You just need to do the dishes/tidy up first, can you give me a hand ……. I learnt very painfully that you can’t reason with someone with dementia, and never disagree with them, you have to use diversion, changing subject, white lies, cuddles, whatever works. Hang on in there, it isn’t all bad and you are doing a fantastic job, but you can’t do it all yourself. Sending you hugs.

 

[outthere4]

Hello I just logged on and saw you're post. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and so inspired on how your holding up so far.
I recently lost my dad to dementia. And my mom is in early stages of onset dementia it's early morning Can't sleep Have a migraine staying the night at my mom's. Missing My dad so much right now, can't stop the tears. My advice to you is to seek any kind of help you can. you have alot on your plate and You need to have support to make it through each day.
We found help through hospice
And also I just start by Google and do a lot of searching, at least it will get you in the right direction. That is how I found your post and it really tore at my heart strings, just knowing there are other people out there going through similar situations is a comfort. Thank you for reaching out, I hope you find the help you need. Our family couldn't of made it through without our Hospice nurse and all the various support people they provide!

 

[Gosling]

Hello @outthere4 and just a welcome from me to this friendly and supportive forum. I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Dad's passing; my condolences to you. And now you are looking after your Mum. Gosh, you have an awful lot going on, and your emotions will be very raw. I am sorry.
Of course you will be missing your Dad- it's very early days and you must try to take your own time to grieve.. there's no right or wrong way and don't let anyone tell you differently. Cry when you need to, and perhaps over time you may find the tears are less frequent. I am glad you have found support through your hospice.
People here really do want to help - members have, sadly, a lot of shared experience of the various aspects of dementia - you will always find understanding here.

 

[Missy1977]

I think you should ask for an assessment’ for both your parents, and a carers assessment for yourself. It sounds as if your parents and you might benefit from either from some carers going in when you are at work or some day care for your Mum. Something to take her mind off the fact that she knows something is wrong, the wanting to ‘go home’ is to do with anxiety, wanting to go back to when/where everything was alright. In my husband’s case he usually says he needs a holiday, his father was in the forces and he didn’t have a very happy childhood so for him it is ‘going on holiday’. Might also be worth a chat with the GP, my OH was prescribed lorazepam which I can give him to help with his anxiety when I think he needs it. The tablets are so small I can shove them in a sandwich or a drink, and they definitely help. It’s also worth trying reassurance and diversion, you’ll take her home after tea….., tomorrow. You just need to do the dishes/tidy up first, can you give me a hand ……. I learnt very painfully that you can’t reason with someone with dementia, and never disagree with them, you have to use diversion, changing subject, white lies, cuddles, whatever works. Hang on in there, it isn’t all bad and you are doing a fantastic job, but you can’t do it all yourself. Sending you hugs.

Thank u for reply
I have had a a assessment and admiral nurses have been involved , even they have said day care is out the question due to her severity of her migraines they wouldn’t be able to facilitate her, and someone coming into the home again same scenario
I do divert conversations but she’s relentless she’s seems better with me than my dad less questioning
Even though she doesn’t know who either 1 of us is anymore
Thank u again I suppose I just wanted to get it out my head a wrote it down
Hugs back