I can’t think straight

[sue2108]

Hello all
My husband has mixed moderate dementia but presents as highly functioning and I’ve been told there’s no support for me and he won’t get attendance allowance.
We spend a lot of time together at home, and go out for nice walks but I’m starting to worry that I’m forgetting things now and can’t think straight. I’ll be in the middle of something and he comes over and wants me to do something right away, or find something right away and when I’ve done/found whatever I’ve forgotten what I was doing. Is this just stress?
I do things just for me at the moment as I can leave him alone.
I’ve started making lists but then he interrupts me and I forget what I needed to put on the list 🙁
Sorry to rant but i know it’s ok on here.

 

[canary]

I think its is indeed just stress, because Im exactly the same.
When you have have so much on your mind you just cant hold much more and it gets lost. Try not to worry about it

I’ve been told there’s no support for me and he won’t get attendance allowance.

Ive no idea who told you that, but its rubbish. If someone has enough problems to drive you to the doctor and then to the memory clinic where they get a diagnosis of dementia, then there are enough problems to qualify them for Attendance Allowance. Got someone from Age UK, Citizens Advice, or a local Carers organisation to help you fill in the forms as its very easy to under report their problems (you have to fill it in assuming its their worse day) and they know exactly how to phrase things.

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Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Boxy]

Hello all
My husband has mixed moderate dementia but presents as highly functioning and I’ve been told there’s no support for me and he won’t get attendance allowance.
We spend a lot of time together at home, and go out for nice walks but I’m starting to worry that I’m forgetting things now and can’t think straight. I’ll be in the middle of something and he comes over and wants me to do something right away, or find something right away and when I’ve done/found whatever I’ve forgotten what I was doing. Is this just stress?
I do things just for me at the moment as I can leave him alone.
I’ve started making lists but then he interrupts me and I forget what I needed to put on the list 🙁
Sorry to rant but i know it’s ok on here.

Hi Sue
my opinion is that its definitely stress related. My wife also has mixed dementia but much more advanced and and also more demanding I experience memory issues myself especially over this last week or so, I also experience sleep depravation that makes things worse stress wise.
Regarding attendance allowance did you complete the application form ? When I completed ours I had help from another person who steered me in the right direction and reminded me of all the things/behaviours that made a real difference in ensuring they approved the attendance allowance,
As things progress and behaviour changes for the worse you should note all of the things that are of concern where intervention and assistance is required by for example, helping with dressing, hygiene, bathing, keeping them safe if they are dong unsafe things.
Hope this helps in some way for the future,

 

[extoyboy]

I'm in the same boat brain-wise and in my case I put it down to lack of external stimulus (or 'same ****, different day' as I recently said to someone). I went from a busy job in IT to being a full-time carer almost three years ago now and when I look back I can't remember how to do most of the things that I did on a day-to-day basis. 6 out of 7 days I'm doing the same things at the same time (which is no bad thing as routine helps me and my wife) and it's that lack of change that lets the brain stagnate. I can forget something simply by standing up so I make use of Google Calendar to prompt me.

You don't say whether you've applied for Carer's Allowance - perhaps that's an option particularly as it isn't means-tested.

 

[nitram]

he won’t get attendance allowance.

If he is below state pension age he cannot get AA.
He may be eligible for PIP instead.

 

[Aubie]

This letter sounds like it came straight out of my head. When I forget minute details, my highly-functioning husband snidely responds that I should be "worrying about my memory." I can't carry the memories for two people, so unfortunately mine get buried under the important things such as did he take his meds, does he have another appt today, if there food in the house that he will eat, etc. I try to remember that I am doing the best I can with what I've got to work with, but that doesn't help in the heat of the moment.
Hope you get Attendance Allowance or PIP, whichever applies to your situation.
<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>

 

[Anthoula]

I'm in the same boat brain-wise and in my case I put it down to lack of external stimulus (or 'same ****, different day' as I recently said to someone). I went from a busy job in IT to being a full-time carer almost three years ago now and when I look back I can't remember how to do most of the things that I did on a day-to-day basis. 6 out of 7 days I'm doing the same things at the same time (which is no bad thing as routine helps me and my wife) and it's that lack of change that lets the brain stagnate. I can forget something simply by standing up so I make use of Google Calendar to prompt me.

You don't say whether you've applied for Carer's Allowance - perhaps that's an option particularly as it isn't means-tested.

 

[Anthoula]

Carer`s Allowance is not classified as means tested but one is not allowed to earn more than £139 per week. I have a State Pension for more than that and consequently was not eligible for CA.

 

[sue2108]

I think its is indeed just stress, because Im exactly the same.
When you have have so much on your mind you just cant hold much more and it gets lost. Try not to worry about it


Ive no idea who told you that, but its rubbish. If someone has enough problems to drive you to the doctor and then to the memory clinic where they get a diagnosis of dementia, then there are enough problems to qualify them for Attendance Allowance. Got someone from Age UK, Citizens Advice, or a local Carers organisation to help you fill in the forms as its very easy to under report their problems (you have to fill it in assuming its their worse day) and they know exactly how to phrase things.

You might find this helpful

Find support near you

Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Thank you that’s really helpful.
I’m going to address the attendance allowance again - it was the memory team and his social worker who told me he wouldn’t get it. Social worker said he’s got a bit of a memory problem hasn’t he then signed him off.
Slight positive this week - the blue badge arrived and I actually used it yesterday 😊

 

[sue2108]

This letter sounds like it came straight out of my head. When I forget minute details, my highly-functioning husband snidely responds that I should be "worrying about my memory." I can't carry the memories for two people, so unfortunately mine get buried under the important things such as did he take his meds, does he have another appt today, if there food in the house that he will eat, etc. I try to remember that I am doing the best I can with what I've got to work with, but that doesn't help in the heat of the moment.
Hope you get Attendance Allowance or PIP, whichever applies to your situation.
<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>

Thank you - yes it’s exactly that ….at least my husband isn’t making snide comments (yet). I’m going to try the attendance allowance again - it was the memory team and the social worker who told me he wouldn’t get it 🙁

 

[sue2108]

Hi Sue
my opinion is that its definitely stress related. My wife also has mixed dementia but much more advanced and and also more demanding I experience memory issues myself especially over this last week or so, I also experience sleep depravation that makes things worse stress wise.
Regarding attendance allowance did you complete the application form ? When I completed ours I had help from another person who steered me in the right direction and reminded me of all the things/behaviours that made a real difference in ensuring they approved the attendance allowance,
As things progress and behaviour changes for the worse you should note all of the things that are of concern where intervention and assistance is required by for example, helping with dressing, hygiene, bathing, keeping them safe if they are dong unsafe things.
Hope this helps in some way for the future,

Thank you 🙏
I’m going to apply for the attendance allowance- I have a good friend who works in the system who will help me. It was the memory team and the social worker who told me he wouldn’t get it .
This group is so helpful .

 

[Donk1]

I worry about myself all the time…..I do hope it is just stress

 

[scotlass]

If I turn the wrong way..I forget what I was doing...and it's getting worse...it's just stress...doing everything in the house and garden that two of us used to do...the first time we applied for attendance allowance, we were turned down...then we had help from someone who knew what she was talking about...she said I hadn't made it bad enough...you have to think of the worst times....how often and for how long you get up through the night ...for example...and it will get worse. never better...get your friend to help you with the form...and good luck

 

[Jamesw46]

The CAB helped me fill in my forms as they knew what had to be said and how to say it.

 

[Skylark/2]

Hello @sue2108 . I agree with @canary , what rubbish to say you don’t qualify for Attendance Allowance.
My local support group helped me. I applied for the form, they told me what to write via a phone call ( emphasis the worst day ) and then sent me an email with what they had suggested. I just copied it, expecting the lower allowance, I got the higher allowance.
I would also suggest you consider applying for a reduction in your council tax, it could be as much as 25%.
Good luck.

 

[maisiecat]

I feel from my experience that now many of the health professionals and social care, local authority etc are aware of the lack of money in the system so are holding back on people's entitlements

 

[Kcbbrw]

Hello all
My husband has mixed moderate dementia but presents as highly functioning and I’ve been told there’s no support for me and he won’t get attendance allowance.
We spend a lot of time together at home, and go out for nice walks but I’m starting to worry that I’m forgetting things now and can’t think straight. I’ll be in the middle of something and he comes over and wants me to do something right away, or find something right away and when I’ve done/found whatever I’ve forgotten what I was doing. Is this just stress?
I do things just for me at the moment as I can leave him alone.
I’ve started making lists but then he interrupts me and I forget what I needed to put on the list 🙁
Sorry to rant but i know it’s ok on here.

Hello all
My husband has mixed moderate dementia but presents as highly functioning and I’ve been told there’s no support for me and he won’t get attendance allowance.
We spend a lot of time together at home, and go out for nice walks but I’m starting to worry that I’m forgetting things now and can’t think straight. I’ll be in the middle of something and he comes over and wants me to do something right away, or find something right away and when I’ve done/found whatever I’ve forgotten what I was doing. Is this just stress?
I do things just for me at the moment as I can leave him alone.
I’ve started making lists but then he interrupts me and I forget what I needed to put on the list 🙁
Sorry to rant but i know it’s ok on here.

I would definitely get help with claiming attendance allowance through CAB. Don't be put off if the first time you aren't successful, explain to then that he has a life limiting condition that isn't going to get better.
Onto the torture of him jumping in, needing to help, wanting to sort out....... You have to go with the flow & arrange some time for you, maybe once a week, a weekend away, being a carer is sooooo hard, being married to the person you care for is completely unimaginable & that's why you need an escape, vas humans we can't go on & on & on we all need escape & you really do need to check out at the end of the week, weekend, month.