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[suewhitworth76]

Hi i’m sue i have joined to see if i can get advice for my mum n dad. Dad has alzheimers but mum gets so low moods when dealing with it everyday. The thing is they are both physical as they go out walking daily n run their home together but its just dads memory n mum feels like she no help from anywhere as they all suggest that she does something for herself but she doesnt want this so stuck at what other support can be offered

 

[2ndAlto]

Hello Sue, welcome to the forum. I feel like I'm in the same place as your mum and dad - my OH has AZ and it has taken me years to (almost) come to terms with what feels like the end of my "hopes and dreams" for our retirement. I have found getting my husband into an art group once a week gives me some breathing space and in the next week or so he'll be going to a sort of day respite - for a couple of hours initially but a bit longer when he "gets used" to the place (not sure if he ever will given he has very little memory) - but I tell him it is something "for him" - and of course I use the time to meet friends etc. Do you have any idea what sort of support your Mum would like? Can she leave him at home safely for any length of time?

 

[Kevinl]

It very much depends on where they are, where I live the help available is much better than most from what I've read on here and been told by others.
I would suggest you contact the local Alzheimer's Society in the area they live or Age UK and see, you might be surprised but it is a postcode lottery I understand. K

 

[suewhitworth76]

Hello Sue, welcome to the forum. I feel like I'm in the same place as your mum and dad - my OH has AZ and it has taken me years to (almost) come to terms with what feels like the end of my "hopes and dreams" for our retirement. I have found getting my husband into an art group once a week gives me some breathing space and in the next week or so he'll be going to a sort of day respite - for a couple of hours initially but a bit longer when he "gets used" to the place (not sure if he ever will given he has very little memory) - but I tell him it is something "for him" - and of course I use the time to meet friends etc. Do you have any idea what sort of support your Mum would like? Can she leave him at home safely for any length of time?

She finds that some of these groups just show them more of what’s going to happen as I said they are both active n to look at dad you wouldn’t think anything was wrong he just remember things n keep conversations in his head. She is able to leave while she goes shopping on odd evening meal with her friends. I think she feels that they don’t need carers yet because they do everything n other people need their care more at the moment. Me n my sister go to sit n chat as often as we can but it’s hard because that all we feel able to do because they don’t seem to need help so it’s to chatting we can do

 

[LouiseW]

Hi
It sounds like you and your sister are doing a great job, and you can both relly help by making sure that as your Dads dementia progressess you keep an eye on the toll it's taking on your mum and all of you and make adjustments to support the whole family as you go along.

What can happen is the dementia takes over and sucks the life out of everyone involved because it is a very hungry disease.

If you and your sister can try and manage the introduction of outside help into your family then when your Dad's demetia symptoms get more challenging you will already have a good support network to rely on as a family.

You will need to be firm with your parents but being firm now will hopefully prevent being burned out and miserable later so its worth doing.

Good luck to your family

 

[2ndAlto]

She finds that some of these groups just show them more of what’s going to happen as I said they are both active n to look at dad you wouldn’t think anything was wrong he just remember things n keep conversations in his head. She is able to leave while she goes shopping on odd evening meal with her friends. I think she feels that they don’t need carers yet because they do everything n other people need their care more at the moment. Me n my sister go to sit n chat as often as we can but it’s hard because that all we feel able to do because they don’t seem to need help so it’s to chatting we can do

Do they have POA in place? They might not need actual help yet but being supportive is a start. As time goes by your Mum will probably find she is taking on more and more of the running of the house, the finances, insurance, maintenance, garden, car, shopping, cooking and cleaning - in fact, everything. If you and your sister keep a close eye on your Mum I'm sure you will see where you can offer practical help. Might be worth finding out what dementia services are available in their area too, even though your Mum doesn't feel they need them yet.

 

[suewhitworth76]

Hi
It sounds like you and your sister are doing a great job, and you can both relly help by making sure that as your Dads dementia progressess you keep an eye on the toll it's taking on your mum and all of you and make adjustments to support the whole family as you go along.

What can happen is the dementia takes over and sucks the life out of everyone involved because it is a very hungry disease.

If you and your sister can try and manage the introduction of outside help into your family then when your Dad's demetia symptoms get more challenging you will already have a good support network to rely on as a family.

You will need to be firm with your parents but being firm now will hopefully prevent being burned out and miserable later so its worth doing.

Good luck to your family

Thank you x

 

[suewhitworth76]

Do they have POA in place? They might not need actual help yet but being supportive is a start. As time goes by your Mum will probably find she is taking on more and more of the running of the house, the finances, insurance, maintenance, garden, car, shopping, cooking and cleaning - in fact, everything. If you and your sister keep a close eye on your Mum I'm sure you will see where you can offer practical help. Might be worth finding out what dementia services are available in their area too, even though your Mum doesn't feel they need them yet.

 

[suewhitworth76]

Thank you mum sorted POA a number of years ago so everything like is in place, she is in contact with Alzheimer’s group near us but until recently didn’t know dad was supposed to have review every 6mths no one been intouch since he got diagnosed 3 years ago, so she as been intouch and awaiting a call back from them this week.

 

[2ndAlto]

Thank you mum sorted POA a number of years ago so everything like is in place, she is in contact with Alzheimer’s group near us but until recently didn’t know dad was supposed to have review every 6mths no one been intouch since he got diagnosed 3 years ago, so she as been intouch and awaiting a call back from them this week.

Hope he is able to have his review soon.