I am living a nightmare!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by zoet, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Feeling much better!

    Its nearly time to go to work, but today I can face it knowing dad and I had a GREAT sleep last night! The Solicitor was wonderful. Not only did he sort everything out, but he was SO kind, patient and treated dad with dignity, really LISTENING to what he was trying to say.

    Aparantly, even if the will exists it's a load of old rubbish and dads taken his old will in, cancelled the "fake" and now (hell...I'm going to say her name) "AUNTIE" June gets nothing, just as dad intended. Nor does my ex Steve. They were the two benificiaries of the new will, so yes it does look like they have conspired to do this together.

    As for the EPA, its unlikely that it's registered. It has suited Auntie June to receive "gifts" from dad, dwindling his savings without recourse to anyone. Dad has signed a form to cancel that also, and the solicitor has left making a new LPA for now, because right at this moment dad knows exactly what he's doing. He's given me the phonebook of a form to fill in and we will register it when dad wants us to. (Or obviously when we feel he cant manage, which the solicitor has helped dad see may be soon).

    He's requested all documents from Junes solicitors (dad has no original copies of anything which is wrong), and he's drafting a letter to June to say "give the money back or we are calling the Police". He WILL call the police if she doesn't. We need the bank to complete the search of dads accounts first before we send that, to know exactly how much shes had. Also, we are waiting to hear from a couple of insurance companies to see if Bond policies dads made out ( 2 for £10,000 that we know of) are in trust for June. We will add those to the list of dubious dealings because dad knows nothing about them and has no paperwork whatsoever for them.
    So basically, she's LOSTher evil attack!!!!!

    Now I was having a think about wether June was trying to do the right thing about dads money because she thought I wasn't around. BUT, if she did believe Steves story about my "abandonment", why did she not try to contact me? Dad had my address and phone number, I'm in the phone book and on the electoral roll, dad saw my children (one of whom is 15) every other week????? Why didnt she ask them? Also, why does noone except her and Steve benefit from dads "new" will? Why did she go to all the trouble to drag dad 50 odd miles to HER solicitor instead of letting him go to his own family one who has known dad and our family for SIXTY years? Dad doesnt even LIKE Steve, and hasn't spoken to him since he told him I had "run off".

    And finally, why has she accepted nearly £20,000 in cheques off dad as "presents" over the last 18 months? Some of those cheques were not even in dads handwriting so the bank are saying. She knows full well he gets muddled about the noughts in values, and she knows he hasnt much money left after shes had it.

    SHES a millionaire incidentally, but hasnt worked since she was 40, when her husband died and left her a massive insurance policy. Funnily enough she used to SELL insurance policies for a large Manchester company.????None of it adds up to someone who is being honest and upfront with dads well-being in mind. Why did she have a clause put in the will to contest any claim made by either myself or his grandchildren after his death? She also made dads estate go to HER child should she die before dad.

    Actually she tried to do something very similar to my mums will just before she died, but dad found out and stopped her just in time. (that was about 7 years ago when dad was ok)

    Nope....she was after everything she could get. She didnt even send him a birthday card on Monday, his 79th birthday. Dad tried, very bravely I think, to ask her about the money, and all she said was "I can't talk about it now, I have to go" and put the phone down on him!
    Dad has told the solicitor he knew she was up to something, but he was ashamed of his "stupidness" and didnt want to tell anyone. Thats the bit I feel really sorry for him about. This disease robs not only a persons capacity but their self-belief and pride.
    Anyway, it's a happy ending and dad is so relieved. he can get on with selling his house and making plans for his future. A future where he is safe and with his family and has nothing financial to worry about any more.

    I am very grateful, not only to the solicitor, but to all of you for listening, sharing your advice and supporting me through what has been a brief but intense living nightmare. I know we will have some hard times ahead of us, but now I know I have companions on the journey.

  2. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    Well done in getting that sorted, keep on it until it's all done but that's all great news! I was in disbelief when I read it first!
  3. ishard

    ishard Registered User

    Jul 10, 2007
    Excuse me for asking but why is your Dad selling his house?
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Well done zoet. Good news indeed.
  5. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs
    Good news zoet and great to hear that the solicitor was so supportive as well as being efficient :)

    Well done for trying to see the situation from Auntie June's point of view, but I think you are right, it would take a very big stretch of the imagination to believe she was only trying to act in your Dad's best interests.

    I do get clients who want to cut out a child because they believe that they have 'run out' on their partner, but they NEVER want to cut out grandchildren in such circumstances.
  6. MJK

    MJK Registered User

    Oct 22, 2004
    Well done - it's great to see good news on this forum! :D

    Just make sure you don't leave it too late before doing the LPA -there are lots of unscrupulous people around.

    My Mum had "gardeners" coming to the door and saying she owed them money - £300 once - and she'd just hand it over. Never any evidence of work being done, or only very minor if any. Another time she was charged £140 to change a tap. Another time she signed a contract for a load of UPVC she didn't need - luckily I found out about that one.

    I don't want to worry you but there is so much potential for people to take advantage once they know there is a vulnerable person (especially if they live on there own).:mad:

    Sorry for the pessimistic note and WELL DONE AGAIN!
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Well done, zoet. That must be a huge weight off your mind.

    I'd also recommend getting the LPA set up as soon as possible. For one thing, it has to be signed while your dad understands what he is signing. It would also give you protection against further attacks.

  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Well done

    zoet I also am wondering that , is your father moving in with you or going into care home ?
  9. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    In answer to the question why is dad selling his house, he is moving in with me. When he had his diagnosis we had a good talk about what he wanted to happen to him if things got too much for him to cope with. Because Ive worked with the elderly (including dementia patients) for the last 20 years I understand to some extent how services work in that sector, and also how the disease progresses and what dads needs might be.
    I have always been "daddys girl":) and I wanted him to know that I would happily take care of him if he wanted me to. His mother had Vascular Dementia, and dad still gets upset to this day that he couldnt look after her at home. Funnily enough he has never considered that he might be hard work to look after in the future!!!:D But thats just dad that is! Anyway, we decided then that even BEFORE things got to a point where he couldnt manage he would come and live with me. After mums' death he has been very lonely, and his friends seem to have disappeared, ( I suspect because of his speech and memory difficulties which make conversations hard work at times!)
    So, before I found out about all this horrific business going on with his money, I asked him did he feel it was time to come and join us here. His lovely face lit up when I asked. "Oh yes! That would be great all round" he said! LOL. I wish you could all meet him and see what a lovely kind and funny man he is. That part of him hasnt changed yet and I hope it never does. He's got a great sense of humour. Im so proud of him for getting through this terrifying and confusing drama, because frankly he looked worn with worry throughout it all.

    Anyway, the house will be on the market soon. Im taking a holiday from work after next week to go and spruce it up a bit, and make some plans for things he might need or want in his new home. Id like him to have as much of his own furniture and things as possible because I suspect familiarity will help him settle. I had thought of building a little granny flat for him for now where he can still have his own space and do stuff he likes such as hoovering and and making a cheese butty.
    But when I asked him what he thought he said no, he would rather be right in the centre of things with me and the kids and my partner who he calls "the lad" because he gets his name wrong. (Its Aron and I think that confuses him because dads name is Alan and when we correct him he gets muddled. Aron says he doesnt mind what dad calls him!)

    The other day he said "When I move in with you I think I might get a dog!" I was a bit taken aback by that because I think we'll probably have enough on our plates! But then he said "Oh no, you've got a cat havent you? Thats ok then, I like cats. Yes, I'll have your cat!" Ehehehe. He makes me laugh so much! Im really suprised he remembered Ive got a cat because he's never actually seen it. Because his speech gets so muddled I sometimes forget that in his head there is still an awful lot of lucidity and when you REALLY talk to him for a while it comes out. On the way back from the solicitors, taking him the long journey home the other night, we sat in peaceful silence watching the sun set and the scenery go by in the lulling warmth of the car.
    All of a sudden he looked at Aron who was driving and announced "Its going to be lovely living with you!" I was so touched. He must have been so worried for ages about where he would end up.
    Im setting up a care package with the senior CPN in his area to have someone call in every day that I cant come, just to check hes ok and eating and warm whilst he sells the house. (He keeps switching the central heating off timed as part of his bedtime routine of turning everything off, and then he cant work out how to turn it back on again!)
    I know the CPN from my work in Homes in Macclesfield where I used to live and that helps too. She knows I know the system and she knows from experience that I wont take any messing around! I am persistent in requesting help which I honestly think you have to be. There should be more help out there for people who dont know how to find services and probably end up paying loads of money for things they can get cheaper from SS.
    As for his finances, he's asked me to keep hold of his cheque books and card, and I will do his shopping for him and give him cash when he asks for it. Its not really that he cant do it himself, more a case of he cant be bothered worrying about it any more! He never lets people in the house unless he's sure he knows them.....much to my daughters suprise when he wouldnt let her in until I asked him too! She'd got a really different hair style and he didnt recognise her!

    Ive got the LPA forms sat here and I will start to fill in as much as I can tonight. The solictor said he would help if we wanted but it was just cheaper to do it ourselves if we can. They are like a blummin phone book! Ive told dad Im leaving him in peace for a couple of days, because all this drama has taken alot out of him. He's put my phone number in massive numbers on his calendar next to his phone. I would imagine I will get a call today to answer a question or two he's thought of, but if not I will ring him at tea time and nag him to eat! He does think I'm nagging, and says he eats plenty, but I know he doesnt.I took him for dinner the other day, and he ate a HUGE meal, every bit and then said "of course I dont eat alot you know, I dont have an apetite at all!" He'd practically licked the pattern of the plate! eheh. I suspect he probably cant be bothered cooking much,although he does buy ingredients for his favourite dishes.

    Im going to ring the bank in a minute and tell them all that's gone on, and see if they've come up with any more suspicious activity on his account. Then Im dropping dads' old will and the deeds to the house at the solicitors as soon as Aron gets home to drive me. I like the solicitor. There was something very warm about him and the way he treated dad. Dad likes him too because he didnt get muddled or flustered once during the meeting, a sure sign he was calm and not agitated. His speech was really good too. I think part of dads' problem is that he knows how long he takes to reach for a word from his memory, and he gets worried people will misunderstand or become tired of waiting. It just takes patience really.
    Anyway, so thats that for now. All I have to do is make sure everything is in place and rolling along and that dad is happy and safe while we wait for him to move in with us! Timing the house sales is going to be a feat I reckon, but Im sure I can do it somehow!
    Thanks again everyone for your words of comfort, support and advice. It's meant so much to me. I hope I can do the same for others on here. :D xx Zoe
  10. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    What a lovely post, Zoet

    Your love and respect for your dear old Dad shines through like a bright star.

    I'm sure he knows how lucky he is to have you.

    It's a lovely sunny day where I am but I think you brought out the sunshine!

  11. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    Hi Zoet

    It gave me a really warm feeling to read your latest post. I think that you have done a fantastic job of getting the EPA/Will situation sorted. There is an old saying of "what goes around, comes around". I do hope that is true as far as your deceitful aunt is concerned.

    It certainly sound like your dad is looking forward to his move in with you. I hope that you all have many happy times together.:)

    You deserve to give yourself an enormous pat on the back for the results you have made happen.


    Love burf x x
  12. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Zoe,
    Having read all the messages about your nightmare, it made me feel sick.

    Following all the messages that you have received and now you have a new chapter with your Dad and your family.

    Your Father must be very proud of you. We on Talking Point hope that is some way we are able to help each other.

    Thank goodness you found Talking Point.

    I wish you , your partner,children and your Dad a very happy future to-gether. Sorry I forgot the cat.

    Very best wishes
  13. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Zoet
    Thank goodness you have managed to sort out this 'nightmare' for your Dad. It is quite unbelievable and shocking that people can stoop so low. It was lovely to read that despite everything, you have managed to keep such a positive outlook. How lovely that you are able to look after Dad at home, this must be such a massive relief to you and Dad after everything that has happened.
    Although not having to deal with anythng like this, I have every sympathy for you and Dad when you described the effect of the disease on Dad's friends, this happened to my Dad too.
    I hope that everything goes well for you caring for Dad in the future. Well done Zoe!
    take care
  14. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Ehehe, thank you Burf! I too am really looking forward to having my dad with me. I want to make as many happy memories as I can with him. Im going to repay him for all the love and care he's given me all of my life. i agree that Auntie june should get her just deserts. At the end of the day she is just a greedy selfish old lady. What on earth does she think she's going to do with all her money at this point in her life? She already had more than she would ever need before she started fleecing dad.

    I dunno. It beggars belief really. Id love to ask her what on earth she was thinking of> If the truth be known I'd love to see the look on her face when she finds out her nasty plots have been foiled!!!! But I suppose thats just me being nasty! Her own child has moved as far away as she can from her, and never speaks to her. That was many years ago after Junes daughter found out that she was taking her and her husbands money! They refused to have contact with her for two years! Now I think just the grandchildren have anything to do with her. Despite what has happened I feel kind of sorry for her. Shes just a lonely frail old lady and hasn't anyone who is willing to take care of her. She never goes out because she has terrible arthritis. She lives in an enormous "mansion" type house but can't even get up the stairs so she sleeps on the settee. She did have a boyfriend a while back, but he was much younger than her and she lost alot of money keeping him interested. Of course, he's no longer on the scene now she needs caring for.
    Poor old dad had been trying to go and visit her for ages after my mum died. (She was really mums friend not dads). He even accompanied her on holidays, pushing her wheelchair and driving her everywhere. Even now he feels sorry for her, not wanting to phone the police about all this until he really has to. He will do it though if she won't return his money. He's so sad and angry that she abused his trust.
    I do believe in what goes around comes around really, but then it falls short as a theory when Ive seen what dad has just had to go through. He is the most kind, generous and friendly man anyone could wish for as a friend or father.

    Even after he realised she was taking his money, way before he told me about it, he STILL wanted to give her a Christmas present. He's told me he gave her a cheque for a thousand pounds (which actually he thought was a hundred ehehe) and told her "that was it....I cant give you any more from now on". He told me he was simply worn out with her pestering for money and thought that she must have needed it pretty badly to be so insistent.
    Still, alls well that ends well!;) Im sure she will realise money cant hold your hand or give you a hug, and money certainly won't shed any tears for her when shes gone. I suspect not many people will either......

    Zoe xx:D
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs

    Good to read your positive post.

    This is the link to the PGO's booklet on LPA's


    Another phone book I'm afraid!

    Remember although you can fill in the form for your Dad, the certificate that your Dad is mentally capable of executing an LPA will have to be completed by an appropriate person. If your Dad decides that he doesn't want anyone to be notified when the LPA is registered then there will have to be 2 certificates.
  16. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Zoet,i am totally shocked by all this,i didn't have to do this with dad,but am shocked at peoples cheek!may i hijack your post as this is something i'm dealing with at work?a residents non blood relation has gained epa.the resident is adamant that this should not be.we have had advocates in to speak to the resident and they maintain that the non relative is to have nothing to do with their affairs.the thing is the home cannot intervene as this is a private matter between themselves.what do we do?love elainex
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Elaine: if this could possibly come under the heading of financial abuse, I would contact elderabuse.org.uk I would say that a care home employee has a duty to report such potential abuse - in fact is it not a legal requirement, as it would be if a child were being abused? When it comes to abuse (financial or physical) there is no such thing as a "private matter". Is the EPA registered, and is the resident competent?
  18. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    thanks jennifer,the thing is,we as carers have no evidence of financial abuse as we have no dealings with it.we can only pass it on to the manager and most of the time they are aware of the problem,through staff communication.we did our best and got an advocate involved.the gp and solicitor have deemed the resident as capable of making their own decisions.but on reflection from the meeting with advocacy we beg to differ.hands are still tied,we have no reason from gp and solicitors views to be concerned.elainex
  19. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Well if the GP and the solicitor consider the resident competent, then why doesn't the resident make a new LPA. Or is the EPA registered? If it is, then the only option is for the resident to contact the COP and dispute the registration.
  20. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    West Yorkshire
    Hi zoet and elaine and jennifer pa
    Regarding the issue with the resident who objects to the epa. Forgive me if i sound impaatient. Why all the dithering about? If its clear they are upset about it somebody can get on to the COP, can someone suggest the resident phones their solicitor, can the SW be made aware and get SS on board? Surely something can be done and quickly if they still have capacity, then it's not too late. I dont understand why someone can't just help out this poor person. Does it matter whoever 'that someone' is?

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