Husband diagnosed with mixed dementia

[BuzzyBee]

My husband was diagnosed with moderate mixed dementia yesterday (Alzheimer’s and Vascular). He was also told he had to stop driving which he seems relieved about. I noticed slight changes in his behaviour in the spring this year, followed by two major episodes of confusion in the summer and more recently regular episodes of confusion including thinking I have been living elsewhere for two years, that someone else is in the house and cannot do routine tasks like feeding the dogs that he was able to do a couple of months ago.

At first my husband refused to see the GP and it took several months before he finally agreed. Getting a diagnosis was a relief in a way, as I knew something was wrong, but it still came as a shock and I am surprised at how quickly it seems to be progressing.

The memory clinic want to start him on Memantine but due to his blood pressure being high want to get this under control first. He tends to sleep a lot during the day and prefers to stay at home, looking at the newspaper or watching tv. I work part time and am worried about how quickly he has deteriorated and what the future holds. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

 

[jay6]

Mine has Vascular (frontal) and hates not being able to drive. I think the speed varies so much between each PWD. Mine sits in front of TV watching same rubbish and sleeps quite a bit, although if I say anything, he'll always say he's just resting his eyes. lol
I'm sure you'll find plenty of others on here you can relate to. Everyone's at different stages.

 

[Fugs]

Hi @BuzzyBee, it is 12 months since we were told that my OH has Alzheimer's, 6 1/2 months since the PET-CT scan and official diagnosis. It is only 18 months since I began to get worried that something was not right. Like you I feel that things are progressing quickly, but I don't really have anything to compare with. We have been discharged from the consultant, so I feel somewhat on my own. We were put in contact with the local Remind team, but my OH kicked off so much after each visit I had to ask her not to come again. I have read about the abuse and threats received by some carers, and I am thankful that I don't face the same, but I do get a lot of tears. My OH decided to stop driving before we received the diagnosis, so no battle there either.
The consultant suggested that we sort out a Will, and LPAs, now done. (After approaching this wrong the first time, we then both had Wills and LPAs put in place).
Lastly, I stopped working when my OH was first diagnosed. (I was finding it too hard to work full time and cope with her) Now I find I can't leave her for any length of time, unless someone is with her.
This forum shows that we are not alone, but at times it does rather feel like it.
Take care.

 

[lbritt]

My husband was diagnosed with moderate mixed dementia yesterday (Alzheimer’s and Vascular). He was also told he had to stop driving which he seems relieved about. I noticed slight changes in his behaviour in the spring this year, followed by two major episodes of confusion in the summer and more recently regular episodes of confusion including thinking I have been living elsewhere for two years, that someone else is in the house and cannot do routine tasks like feeding the dogs that he was able to do a couple of months ago.

At first my husband refused to see the GP and it took several months before he finally agreed. Getting a diagnosis was a relief in a way, as I knew something was wrong, but it still came as a shock and I am surprised at how quickly it seems to be progressing.

The memory clinic want to start him on Memantine but due to his blood pressure being high want to get this under control first. He tends to sleep a lot during the day and prefers to stay at home, looking at the newspaper or watching tv. I work part time and am worried about how quickly he has deteriorated and what the future holds. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

Hi Busybee my husband was diagnosed dementia for about 2 years now. We have been married for 30 years and I am the only one taking care of him. He listen to music and watch TV all day. I never thought I would ever go through what I have been going through!! He is so hard to deal with. I feel like crying!! He doesn't listen to anything I tell him and disrespect me all the time. I feel hopeless. It's hard taking care of a dementia husband.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hi Busybee my husband was diagnosed dementia for about 2 years now. We have been married for 30 years and I am the only one taking care of him. He listen to music and watch TV all day. I never thought I would ever go through what I have been going through!! He is so hard to deal with. I feel like crying!! He doesn't listen to anything I tell him and disrespect me all the time. I feel hopeless. It's hard taking care of a dementia husband.

Hello again @lbritt I am sorry that you are finding it difficult to deal with your husband especially as you say that you are caring for him on your own.
It is not uncommon for people with dementia to spend all day listening to music or watching TV. He might not be able to help with chores about the house has he has forgotten how to carry them out or it could simply be apathy brought on by the dementia.
You also say that he does not listen to you, this could be because he forgets what you have said to him again because of the dementia.
It is not nice when our loved ones start to be nasty to us because of this disease, You could speak to his doctor who might be able to prescribe medication to calm him.
Finally, you say that you care for your husband on your own. Have you tried talking to your social worker or doctor to see if you can get some help. Are there other family members or friends who might give you a break now and again.

 

[special 1]

Hi Busybee my husband was diagnosed dementia for about 2 years now. We have been married for 30 years and I am the only one taking care of him. He listen to music and watch TV all day. I never thought I would ever go through what I have been going through!! He is so hard to deal with. I feel like crying!! He doesn't listen to anything I tell him and disrespect me all the time. I feel hopeless. It's hard taking care of a dementia husband.

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with dementia say 4 years ago, we have been married for 56 years. Just like you i get the verbal abuse, not listening, not making it to the toilet in time, or just taking it out and weeing where he feels like it & getting hit etc. All of what you have. I am crying all the time. When i go to the shops it's as quick as i can just so as my older daughter does not have too much problems with him. I am lucky that she stays with us, but is is also taking it's toll on her too. I can't give you much advice, only what I deal with also. Just know that you are not alone in this awful journey. It is a road to hell. Take care.💝

 

[canary]

Oh @lbritt and @special 1

I think inappropriate urination is one of the worst things to deal with. There are times when I am grateful that OH now has a catheter!

The problem comes when they remember enough not to wet themselves, but cannot remember what they aught to do and where they aught to go. Try looking out for him fidgeting or other signs that he needs to go and take him to the toilet, or have a bucket on hand ready to put in front of him to catch it.

 

[Welland]

Hi @BuzzyBee, it is 12 months since we were told that my OH has Alzheimer's, 6 1/2 months since the PET-CT scan and official diagnosis. It is only 18 months since I began to get worried that something was not right. Like you I feel that things are progressing quickly, but I don't really have anything to compare with. We have been discharged from the consultant, so I feel somewhat on my own. We were put in contact with the local Remind team, but my OH kicked off so much after each visit I had to ask her not to come again. I have read about the abuse and threats received by some carers, and I am thankful that I don't face the same, but I do get a lot of tears. My OH decided to stop driving before we received the diagnosis, so no battle there either.
The consultant suggested that we sort out a Will, and LPAs, now done. (After approaching this wrong the first time, we then both had Wills and LPAs put in place).
Lastly, I stopped working when my OH was first diagnosed. (I was finding it too hard to work full time and cope with her) Now I find I can't leave her for any length of time, unless someone is with her.
This forum shows that we are not alone, but at times it does rather feel like it.
Take care.

Hi , sounds exactly like my life . It’s very lonely and unsure what to expect in the near future just puts our whole world on hold . I miss my old husband , conversation and laughs . I miss working as I had to leave a nice job to look after him . He was sort of diagnosed Rapidly progressive Alzheimer's Disease . He will be 73 next week and I am 60 . So it’s hard not to feel cheated . Family say they care and I’m sure they do but they don’t call or visit ….its like they do these quick check in calls just to get news and then carry on ….it was July 2020 I first noticed a small change and it slowly progressed to losing his drivers licence May 2022 after being seen by a neurologist and so red very poorly on cognitive tests . He manages because I’m told he has a good cognitive reserve , they say some people hold language skill better than others ….its tricky because he starts a conversation and I jump in forgetting he is ill and of course the whole conversation makes little sense , well it does sometimes as I have normalize this whole world we live in . Oh and I have read the parts on this board where people say about watching Escape to the country ??? And yes I get sad when I see older couples planning a nice life in the later years . I’m still ****ed that he has this ….and he dose t even know as he was unaware from the beginning It’s actually a blessing that he doesn’t know because he would be very difficult to handle if he did . I try and keep our world pleasant , we have a little pup that he adores , we go to an Alzhimers day group once per week , it is supposed to be a place I could leave him but he won’t stay long , he goes because I make a fuss that I need to go there ….I pretend we are volunteering . It’s my only outing and I see others with this terrible disease and it helps me cope . I’m not sure where my husband is with this disease or stage , all I know is that he’s not the same , I have dreams he’s getting better and sometimes I actually believe he is improving . All I know is when this is over I AM escaping to the country . Sorry for the long story but I can totally relate with your story , hang in there , figure out what makes you survive this and just do it . 💕