How to maintain separate bedrooms

[Sarasa]

That sounds so positive @Cedaroflebannon, and glad they are following up next week too.

 

[Shedrech]

so glad you were listened to @Cedaroflebannon it makes such a difference
hope the memantine makes a difference
sleep well

 

[Sue741215]

I'm so glad you are hopefully now getting the help you need. My husband was prescribed Memantine and told that this was his only option due to him having a slow heart rate - at the time I was a bit worried whether it is as good as the others. After reading these threads I am rather glad he has Memantine - he has had no side effects and so far seems not to be changing much and remaining his usual cheerful and laid back self - I realise how lucky I am (if anyone with a partner who has Alzheimers can be described as lucky!). I just wonder if anyone knows why memantine is not a first choice medication for doctors - I wonder if it is less effective or perhaps just more expensive? I was thinking I'll ask his consultant next time I see him then I remembered that, unlike any other serious illness, a consultant is not considered necessary - we are left to get on with it!
Sorry to hijack your thread with these questions but I hope everything works out for you - with regard to separate beds I am lucky again that we already mainly slept separately due to a back problem so he was used to it.

 

[Cedaroflebannon]

Just another query …….
1.30 am get phone call from OH ! (In next room) ! He very clearly explains to me that he is lost in London; has sold a car and cant get out of the place he is in and is upset! Miraculously out of my mouth came “0h dear I’m sorry best to get back to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning” which worked. normally I leave his phone downstairs “for charging” . I Don’t know ( and of course none of us do ) whether to now leave the phone with him. The rest of last night I was concerned that he would come and knock the door but he didn’t. He has phoned me before in the night but I don’t usually have my phone with me! Sorry I’m all over the place but just in case anyone has experienced this……….

 

[Wifenotcarer]

Well here I am in my own little room with OH tucked up in bed In his room. My room now has a Yale lock on it and no handle. It was quite expensive but I’m hoping it will be worth it . Had the visit this afternoon and it WAS the mental health team who were very impressive. One talked to Harry whilst I talked to the other. Straightaway she said “You’re frightened“ and She was brilliant and brought out aspects of Hypersexuality which I hadn’t realised. The constant vigilance, the manoeuvring round, the “being careful” all the time Which she acknowledged was exhausting. She also explained that that is often the only thing on their mind which suddenly made sense of the constant asking. she said there might be a possibility of respite which so took me aback! I must pursue that. It was wonderful to talk to someone who really understood it. Interestingly when she went through the history she thought that there were signs in 2005. We start Mematine next week which may work and they will visit in a weeks time. May we all have a good night and thank you for listening!!

My DH also had a spell of Hypersexuality, roughly grabbing hold of my "bits" anytime day or night. This was very aggressive, not at all like the loving intimate relationship we had enjoyed for 50 years of married life and it caused me great upset. We had an appointment with his consultant. He did ask me if there were any problems and I, of course, with DH sitting beside me, said no. The following day at lunch time there was a knock at the door and there stood the consultant with one of the teams nurses. She began to talk to DH while He asked me to show him round our garden.

There He apologised profusely that he had seen the look on my face when he asked about problems and had a light bulb moment realising that he should always speak with the spouse/carer out of earshot of the PWD - and indeed he did thereafter. He gave me some hints and tips eg to tell DH that I was busy ATM but to go to the bedroom and I would join him shortly. Incredibly, this worked really well, as DH would trot off to the bedroom and invariably lie down and fall asleep! As DH's Dementia got worse this phase passed. He started to believe that I was either his, or even my Mother and consequently not an object of sexual desire.

 

[jennifer1967]

if you left his phone downstairs, would he get up and look for you? if no then leave it on charge as he might just use the phone because its but keep yours with you even putting it on silent may help then you wont hear it. if he is likely to come and find you then maybe let him have it. try without phone and see what happens

 

[Cedaroflebannon]

if you left his phone downstairs, would he get up and look for you? if no then leave it on charge as he might just use the phone because its but keep yours with you even putting it on silent may help then you wont hear it. if he is likely to come and find you then maybe let him have it. try without phone and see what happens

Thanks @jennifer 1967 - I will try this.

 

[Cedaroflebannon]

Ongoing saga……… so I left his phone on charge downstairs and took mine with me; 1.30 my phone buzzes ? because I’d put it on silent instead of turning off. The rest of the night I spent full of anxiety in case he had found the spare key and was that him trying the lock? in the morning I checked phones to find that the poor man had phoned me 18 times!, However last night……… my phone turned off and the catch dropped to the lock on my room. At last I could relax and was able to get some sleep, heard him walking about all night so may be ear plugs - is this wise? He is physically fit as a fiddle so no issue with falls. This morning he said he tried to go for a walk in the night ??? but couldn’t find his door key.. Drugs should be coming this week. I don’t think we’re far off care home…….

 

[Grannie G]

I don’t think we’re far off care home…….

I agree. It`s too much for you and it`s too much for him.

At least if he is up in the night someone will be able to be with him.

 

[canary]

This morning he said he tried to go for a walk in the night ??? but couldn’t find his door key............<snip>........ I don’t think we’re far off care home…….

Walking out at night was the final straw with mum too.
She became happy in her care home as there was always someone around to talk to - day and night.