A vent coming so be prepared. It’s a long ‘un.
I am sick and bloody tired of being shouted at and sworn at for what, to me, was the most innocuous of remarks. Take yesterday for example. We struggled together to get a no longer needed propagator back into its box to store in the shed. OH started to carry it out the back door and I followed him and said, ‘come on, let me carry that down there’. The effing and blinding that ensued was amazing. Ended up with him shouting at me that if I wanted to effing do it then I could effing well get on with it. You always bloody do what you want anyway. In he stalked slamming every door he passed through. He spent the rest of the afternoon in his room with the door shut.
Today, I asked him to drain some water out of the overflowing water butt at the end of the garden. Drain it into a plastic muck bucket. He asked where to put the water. I told him I normally tip it out under the back gate (into a rarely used grassy alley). He said the water wouldn’t go under the gate. Like a fool I said ‘yes, it does, that’s what I do to drain it.’. I know, I contradicted him, shouldn’t have done that etc etc. A repeat performance of yesterday with swearing and cursing me.
Yes, I’ve read about compassionate communication. Yes, he probably feels I’m criticising but I CAN‘T Help it!!! I make what is to me a normal reply and it lights the blue touch paper.
Even my evenings aren’t my own as he sits there waiting, fidgeting and glancing at the clock until I ‘find some thing to watch’ for us both. If he starts to go up to bed before me (bliss, some time to myself even if only for 15-20 mins) I’m given warnings about not being too late, how he saw my light on late last night. (i was reading and trying to switch off). Sometimes he even comes back down again just to see if I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa. I haven’t, I just want a bit of time without second guessing him and treading on eggshells.
Thanks if you’ve got through this, I just needed to vent to people who’ll understand..
I am sick and bloody tired of being shouted at and sworn at for what, to me, was the most innocuous of remarks. Take yesterday for example. We struggled together to get a no longer needed propagator back into its box to store in the shed. OH started to carry it out the back door and I followed him and said, ‘come on, let me carry that down there’. The effing and blinding that ensued was amazing. Ended up with him shouting at me that if I wanted to effing do it then I could effing well get on with it. You always bloody do what you want anyway. In he stalked slamming every door he passed through. He spent the rest of the afternoon in his room with the door shut.
Today, I asked him to drain some water out of the overflowing water butt at the end of the garden. Drain it into a plastic muck bucket. He asked where to put the water. I told him I normally tip it out under the back gate (into a rarely used grassy alley). He said the water wouldn’t go under the gate. Like a fool I said ‘yes, it does, that’s what I do to drain it.’. I know, I contradicted him, shouldn’t have done that etc etc. A repeat performance of yesterday with swearing and cursing me.
Yes, I’ve read about compassionate communication. Yes, he probably feels I’m criticising but I CAN‘T Help it!!! I make what is to me a normal reply and it lights the blue touch paper.
Even my evenings aren’t my own as he sits there waiting, fidgeting and glancing at the clock until I ‘find some thing to watch’ for us both. If he starts to go up to bed before me (bliss, some time to myself even if only for 15-20 mins) I’m given warnings about not being too late, how he saw my light on late last night. (i was reading and trying to switch off). Sometimes he even comes back down again just to see if I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa. I haven’t, I just want a bit of time without second guessing him and treading on eggshells.
Thanks if you’ve got through this, I just needed to vent to people who’ll understand..
