Hi,
Although I joined a little while ago, haven't yet introduced myself!
My Dad is 74 and has just been diagnosed as the early stages of dementia.
Only really found out last year. Last August, while driving my mum up and down to see my nan who was ill ..... well, normally dad's around and so she wouldn't feel able to say anything ...... but this was the opportunity for her to start telling me about how dad was getting very forgetful ..... he was getting stressed about remembering exactly what shopping he might have to get if he went up the road ..... was flying off the handle at little things ... forgetting what had just been said to him ..... had even accused my mum of taking some money !!!! (My mum is a very even tempered person ...... she apparently did retort back at this one ....... she's been the the one who has always dealt with all the bills etc). I guess lots of little things ..... but I could tell it was getting my mum down.
I suggested she mention it to her doctor ...... she wasn't sure about this, but she could see the sense that it it affected HER health, the doctor would want to know. A discrete conversation with my brother, who lives with them, confirmed that he was also concerned about things. So ..... mum had the conversation with her(their) doctor. Mum was worried that dad would really get annoyed if he thought she'd gone behind her back, but the doctor was brilliant .... just asked about his memory ('A standard question I ask') when he next had a check-up. He did say he was getting forgetful. They have subsequently had visits from the mental health team from Chase Farm hospital in Enfield ...... infact, they've been almost falling over themselves to conduct tests, offer advice/help to my mum ..... amazing really!! (I say this 'cos we had a similar thing with my father-in-law ....... but getting help with him was terrible). In fact, Mum has found it a bit overwhelming 'cos she doesn't see him as a 'bad case' ..... which he isn't at the moment I guess.
He's just completed some tests, which we're waiting for the results of. The team have said that, once confirmed, they'll put him on the waiting list for (I think) the drugs that NICE have just withdrawn funding for ..... so not sure what will happen there.
Mum doesn't want Dad to know about this diagnosis ....... it's just been tests on his memory as far as he's concerned. Part of me feels uncomfortable with this ..... I'm sure when he's got irritable it's because he DOES know ...... and this makes me feel sad ...... but that's just me being wet ...... when we're together, things are only just slightly different ..... I noticed, for instance, he seemed a little 'out of sorts' at Christmas when there was lots of people at my house ..... probably the break in routine. I've been having then round to me every week now, which Dad likes and it gives Mum a break; luckily I don't live very far away.
But, Dad is still very fit .... does lots of walking ..... probably fitter than many younger than him! A nurse that Mum went to see on her own said she really aught to accompany him at all times ...... but we can't see the need to restrict him like that! He hasn't shown any problems about getting around his immediate and usual haunts ....... and he does know his phone number ...... early days I guess.
I've suggested to my Mum that she/they arrange for all their accounts to be made joint accounts; they already have wills. But ....... is now the time to think about getting Powers of Attorney? How to suggest it without upsetting Dad? A friend of mine had all sorts of problems with her mother -in-law who developed dementia without giving this authority to her son ....... and I really want to make things as smooth as possible for my Mum's sake.
Anyhow ....... having read around this site ...... it's nice to know this support forum is here ..... shame my Mum isn't on the Internet! I'll have to work on her!
Take care, Elaine