Help with what to do about a will

[Mrspablo]

Hi this is my first post. My Dad is 87 and has Lewy Bodies. My Mum died in 1991 and he remarried over 20 years ago. He seemed to have a happy second marriage and we were all happy for him as he had missed Mum so much.

Unfortunately his second marriage has broken down due to his dementia. His Wife basically after putting him in an unsuitable short term home refused to have him back. As he still has capacity it was a very difficult time keeping him from returning but she was adamant. He has now not had a visit from her in 5 months. He is heartbroken. Eventually after lots of hard work by myself and my siblings we have him close by to us in an assisted living place. It's lovely and although things are difficult he is safe, clean, warm and eating what he likes albeit he is lonely when he is not with us. We do all we can for him.
It was strongly recommended to Dad to do a POA which he has through a solicitor. He has no property and will only ever have a small amount of savings. The solicitor advised Dad hat if he were to pass away, as he has no will, his Wife would get all his things and any money he has. He told the solicitor he would not want this. The POA is currently being registered but he hasn't made a will still. He is currently having lots of worsening episodes with his LBD and I really don't want to stress him out further by asking him about doing a will or make him feel more depressed and sad but equally we feel quite strongly that her abandonment of him completely because of his illness has meant she surely can't be benefitting from having his things when he passes away. As I mentioned any money amounts would be small and he said he would want his 7 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren to have it but we have nothing formal in place. Should we just leave it or should we discuss it with him. Myself and my siblings are his attorneys. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks x

 

[Beate]

I'm sorry but I feel that is not your call. If they had a 20 year happy marriage you cannot simply judge her on how she reacted to his dementia. Not all of us are born carers, we have no duty of care and you presumably don't know what went on when she did look after him. This decision should be your Dad's only and you should not try to influence him. If he still has mental capacity then surely he can decide to make a will himself if that's what he wishes to do.

 

[karaokePete]

Welcome to TP @Mrspablo.
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you let things rest then the laws of intestacy will apply. If your Dad has specific wishes then a will is required and can be made by him if he has capacity.
If you think it would help you to get a clear idea you could talk to the experts on the AS help line, details as follows
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[Mrspablo]

I'm sorry but I feel that is not your call. If they had a 20 year happy marriage you cannot simply judge her on how she reacted to his dementia. Not all of us are born carers, we have no duty of care and you presumably don't know what went on when she did look after him. This decision should be your Dad's only and you should not try to influence him. If he still has mental capacity then surely he can decide to make a will himself if that's what he wishes to do.

Hi thanks for your reply. I haven't really gone into detail on the details of how their relationship broke down. We have strong reason and proof that she was not giving him his medication and that she also had been using credit cards to withdraw cash and spend on for some time without his knowledge. To say that she went from being in his life one day to not at all is an understatement. Lots of other awful things have happened. She was very controlling and saw him as an obstacle to her having her freedom once he got poorly. Yes she cared for him but social services, psychiatrist and cpn all feel she made his symptoms far worse by her behaviour.

So that is also why this is difficult. We don't want his things or money and he has specifically told a solicitor and us that he doesn't want her to have it. We have personally paid off thousands of pounds worth of debt she has run up in his name to get him into his current home as he failed the credit search hence us uncovering all sorts! We just feel that we can provide him with all his wishes to a degree through poa but not this.....

 

[Kevinl]

Welcome to TP
If he still has capacity then he has to make a will otherwise he'll die intestate and she'll get the lot or the first £250,000 to be strictly accurate in England and Wales, the limit is nearer 1/2 a million in Scotland in NI it's the same figure as the rest of the UK but the spouse has to survive for 28 days so it's either that or divorce her as far as I can see.
There's a link to the government website below.
K

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

 

[Beate]

I understand your dilemma but just expressing his wishes verbally isn't enough - he has to make an appointment with a solicitor and be able to tell them in his own words what he wants the will to contain. Any help you want to give him with this could be interpreted as undue influence, especially as you would be profiting from this will. So you have to be quite careful how you handle this - as you recognise, LPA does not extend to wills.

 

[Mrspablo]

Yes he has said he wanted to do one but I just don't feel with his current health he is well enough mentally to deal with the emotions of it all. The solicitor he had for poa was the person who raised it and had the conversation with him not us.

I wouldn't benefit from it, but his wish is that his grandchildren would.

My dilemma is really do I raise it with him or not? He is very much reliant on us to help and support him with pretty much everything as in addition to his age and LBD he is also registered blind!

 

[Kevinl]

I don't know that you can disinherit your spouse, if they challenged the will under the "reasonable provisions" rule it's almost certain the spouse would get some or all of the money and the only people that would get rich would be the lawyers.
You do say you're in the process of registering a POA and that might muddy the waters a bit, a solicitor may take that as an indication that the person lacks capacity and refuse to let them make a will or as for and independent mental capacity from a qualified professional before they do.
You could (maybe) put his money into a joint account with your name on it, that way when he passes away the jointly held money would become yours automatically and not be part of his estate, I can't see why that wouldn't work but I'd do that before registering the POA.
K

 

[Mrspablo]

Thank you for your advice. All we want is for Dad to have his choices but to not upset him. I don't feel comfortable putting my name on an account with him for his own personal spending.

From what you suggest a solicitor is not of much use?

 

[Amy in the US]

Hi, and welcome to TP. I'm sorry to hear about your dad and the complicated situation.

I'm in the States and things are different here, but what I would do, in your situation, is to have a conversation with the solicitor and explain everything you've told us, and see what they say. Again, things are different here, but I was able to arrange appointments for my mother to make/update her will and PoA. The solicitor determined, at each appointment, whether or not she has capacity to understand what was happening and make decisions.

I hope you are able to find a solution. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Mrspablo]

Thank you, that's really kind of you. Although I have siblings who do help, the vast majority of these things fall to me and I have no experience at all. The last two years of Dad being diagnosed have been a learning curve to say the least. I heavily supported them as a married couple and never invisaged I'd be helping him deal with his wife leaving him when he is so poorly! Appreciate all your help.

 

[jimbo 111]

Hello
have read the contributions from members trying to help you in this problem
One thing that strikes me is ,you know your fathers wishes ,and he seems pretty adamant about them
'A will is a will ' and as long as you take the precaution of ensuring it contains all the requirements of the law ( you can find numerous websites that give advice on making a will without a solictor)
The 'will 'Or 'discussion' properly signed witnessed and dated is perfectly legal and you do not have to involve a solicitor
jimbo

 

[Kevinl]

'A will is a will ' and as long as you take the precaution of ensuring it contains all the requirements of the law ( you can find numerous websites that give advice on making a will without a solictor)
The 'will 'Or 'discussion' properly signed witnessed and dated is perfectly legal and you do not have to involve a solicitor
jimbo

Sadly it isn't the wife can contest it if there isn't a "reasonable provision" made for her so a will that disinherits a spouse isn't likely to stand up in court. There have been a few cases lately where a child has claimed that a parent didn't make reasonable provision and won, a spouse has a much better chance specially if she's not too well off herself.
A will is simply an expression of your wishes, the law has the final say in what actually happens but as things stand there is no will so she inherits the lot so you'd have to start by finding a solicitor who 'll write one or if you write it yourself expect it to be contested.
K