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HELP I'm crashing again

big-mama

Registered User
Jul 20, 2012
290
0
Scotland
Hello 2jays. I'm so sorry that I haven't posted earlier, I've only just seen your thread. Clag the kettle on and have a cup of tea - Big Mama says so :).
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm so glad you came in out of the cold, locking yourself in the bathroom would be far warmer for you, and a lock on the door is always a bonus.
I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm here if you want a blether, we all are. The subsequent posts show just how much we all think of you.
Take a deep breath, know that we're here for you and enjoy your cup of tea - is it too early for a hob-nob?
Lots of love, hugs and thoughts. BM xx
 

flowerpot

Registered User
Jul 27, 2010
2,450
0
62
Rural North Northumberland
Hi 2jays, my heart goes out to you and sorry that I haven't been around much.

Enjoy your cup of tea.

I've just sat down with one and have just eaten two choc chip shortbread biscuits :eek: and I'm not going to feel guilty about any of it as I've been up since stupid o'clock :rolleyes: and neither should you. We all do far too much but if we didn't care we wouldn't do it and there are far too many people who don't. We're all the exception and should be very proud of ourselves.

So as I said above enjoy your cup of tea and have a well earned rest for a few minutes.

Take care and thinking of you xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Hi 2Jays,

It sounds like you are at full capacity in general and then the issue of the carer ignoring the calls of that person just tipped you over the edge so to speak. Like a cup of tea that is full to the brim and then someone pours just a little more liquid into the cup!!! I would think that you need 'time' and plenty of it, in order to manage being at full capacity. I remember this state myself and how I felt when I had to deal with the smallest thing on top of what I was already having to manage.

I will be wishing you rest, peace and strength today.

Love and a (HUG)
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
From Big Efforts post - I admit it: Today I'm sad

And it makes me sad to, to read a post crying for help and have no words of wisdom or practical suggestions to make things better .

On top of that I feel unable to think of anything to say which would not sound trite.

Grannie - Just knowing someone is listening and understands, That is my comfort and is helping me enormously. But if by my posting it's causing others feelings that they are uncomfortable with, I, perhaps should keep my posting in the privacy of perhaps the members area or not at all. The last thing I want to do is to rock peoples boats - just want to share how things have crashed for me, so that things don't crash for others.

My first thought reading your post BE (I admit it: Today I'm sad) was panic that me posting was so unfair on you - possibly forcing you into a place - when its the last thing you need. I do hope that my posting helps not only me, but others to recognise in themselves that there are limits that don't have to be borne on your own and to get help/support as soon as you feel slightly vulnerable and not try to continue caring, without looking after your own needs first.
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
891
0
Middle England
Oh no 2Jays don't post away from the public area. And as for "rocking people's boats" - I don't think that you are. I have been absent from TP for a while now - just dropping in at random times but not really following any specific posts (sorry your's included ... until today).
I've been really glum & felt i'd had my fill of everything dementia - including TP. I still feel a bit like that but reading and thinking about the situation you find yourself in hasn't made me feel worse - just makes me realise that there are loads and loads of good ordinary people facing extraordinary challenges.
Take care - Twiddler.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Hello 2jays,i have been where you are,i wish i could help.xx

You are Kassy - you really are.
I read all your posts - I read the replies - it was too close to home some of the stuff you wrote....

I was unable to support at the time as I was in denial
"there wasnt anything wrong with me",
" it's not quite the same" ,
"hey I can cope....."

It seems to me, you are coming through, lifes not perfect is it, but you are coming through.... Knowing that you are, really helps me, and allows me hope xx
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Oh dear,thats made me cry,i doubt i could give anyone hope,i am weak,have given up on many occasions,been a pain in the butt on here,put my OH through hell at times,cried buckets,but even though i have bitterness in my head and in my heart,i still feel compassion.

I feel you'll get through,i really do.xx

You are getting through. I know you are getting through. So will I, so will I. xx
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Dear 2jays,

My first thought reading your post BE (I admit it: Today I'm sad) was panic that me posting was so unfair on you - possibly forcing you into a place - when its the last thing you need. I do hope that my posting helps not only me, but others to recognise in themselves that there are limits that don't have to be borne on your own and to get help/support as soon as you feel slightly vulnerable and not try to continue caring, without looking after your own needs first.

Let me reassure you again, 2jays, what you posted was PERFECT for me. I am not unhappy, just surprised that sadness still lurks below the surface. I spent two months crying when I first joined the forum, and thought I had got through the intense sorrow of losing Mum to dementia. Obviously I was wrong.

Nothing unfair. Just keep posting. Really. Wishing you every blessing under the sun. BE
 

flowerpot

Registered User
Jul 27, 2010
2,450
0
62
Rural North Northumberland
Please keep posting 2jays. I don't come on as much as I should as it all gets too much for me as we've had a lot going on here too.

I think that we all need to be honest and when it gets too much we share it if we can. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Keep posting and I'm thinking of you, take care xx
 

SisterAct

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
2,255
0
69
Liverpool, Merseyside
Dear 2jays,



Let me reassure you again, 2jays, what you posted was PERFECT for me. I am not unhappy, just surprised that sadness still lurks below the surface. I spent two months crying when I first joined the forum, and thought I had got through the intense sorrow of losing Mum to dementia. Obviously I was wrong.

Nothing unfair. Just keep posting. Really. Wishing you every blessing under the sun. BE

Perfect for us too 2jays.
Hit the brick wall....get the headache....make a start on the road to recovery.
You have inspired us.
Luv
Polly x
 

NeverGiveUp

Registered User
May 17, 2011
1,034
0
2Jays

The carer who ignored the resident, was the resident one of those who keeps calling out but doesn't really want anything? Some time back I spent a night sitting with my dad in an assessment ward, a lady nearby kept calling out that she wanted the toilet. A patient memeber of staff kept taking the commode to her. The lady became frantic calling out for the commode and the member of staff just kept looking after others. It eventually attracted the attention of a sister, it really seemed the woman was being neglected, the sister angrily said 'she wants the toilet, where's the commode?', the reply was 'she's sitting on it'.

I was trying to sleep on two chairs pulled together, it was very cold in the early hours of the morning, that same 'neglectful' member of staff located a spare blanket and covered me over, I will never forget that act of kindness.
 

CeliaW

Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
5,643
0
Hampshire
Sending you supportive hugs 2jays - sorry to read you are still struggling but I think the problem is that it takes some time to get down so low and feel so in despair and whilst it would be good to have it all resolved and feel better, in reality its a case of working your way back up - looking each day for the little chink of light that shows you are moving in the right direction.

Not been on here much for last week or so for various reasons but you are often in my thoughts.

Take care

Celia
xx
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,516
0
Near Southampton
2jays - with all of us behind you, preventing you from slipping backwards, you will get there. However, it's a slippery track this path and uphill so take tiny steps and plenty of rests and if you stumble we, and others who care about you, will be there to catch you. lots of love and support. XXXXX
 
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Dazmum

Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
10,322
0
Horsham, West Sussex
Hi 2Jays, firstly a big hug for you from me. Second, always have a cup of tea, and a biscuit if there is one, each is a little bit of comfort.

Thirdly, I know everyone is different, but I think I was where you are now, this time last year, with mum about to go to the care home and stressed to within an inch of my life. A year on, and while things will never be perfect with mum having to be in a care home and not with us here, things are much better - selfishly(?) in terms of how I feel in myself for most of the time. Christmas dropped into the mix really doesn't help either does it?

Yesterday my mum escaped from the care home - just an unfortunate incident which I won't go into here, but she was found very quickly and all the right procedures followed. After a moment of intial panic, I have been very calm over it, which has totally surprised me, had it happened this time last year, I would have been an absolute wreck, I know. What I'm trying to say in a clumsy way is, that what you are feeling is, I think, normal. Utterly horrible, but sadly, very normal. This what you were telling me at the time 2Jays, when you and everyone else here was being so kind to me.

I too was picking up all kinds of little things at the care home and worrying if this would happen to mum too, I really wanted, and still do, a personal 24/7 angel to be with her all the time and cater for her every need and give her the care and attention that I did. Can't happen. Towards the end my dad used to call out 'hello, hello' all the time, he even did it while mum and I were in the room too. The carers used to pop a head round the door to check, but they couldn't be there all the time. I am positive your mum won't be ignored. Oh dear, I have rambled, you'll certainly need a cup of tea after all that. Maybe we should have another coffee break in the tea room all together??:)

Love and hugs xxxxx
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Hi 2Jays, firstly a big hug for you from me. Second, always have a cup of tea, and a biscuit if there is one, each is a little bit of comfort.

Thirdly, I know everyone is different, but I think I was where you are now, this time last year, with mum about to go to the care home and stressed to within an inch of my life. A year on, and while things will never be perfect with mum having to be in a care home and not with us here, things are much better - selfishly(?) in terms of how I feel in myself for most of the time. Christmas dropped into the mix really doesn't help either does it?

Yesterday my mum escaped from the care home - just an unfortunate incident which I won't go into here, but she was found very quickly and all the right procedures followed. After a moment of intial panic, I have been very calm over it, which has totally surprised me, had it happened this time last year, I would have been an absolute wreck, I know. What I'm trying to say in a clumsy way is, that what you are feeling is, I think, normal. Utterly horrible, but sadly, very normal. This what you were telling me at the time 2Jays, when you and everyone else here was being so kind to me.

I too was picking up all kinds of little things at the care home and worrying if this would happen to mum too, I really wanted, and still do, a personal 24/7 angel to be with her all the time and cater for her every need and give her the care and attention that I did. Can't happen. Towards the end my dad used to call out 'hello, hello' all the time, he even did it while mum and I were in the room too. The carers used to pop a head round the door to check, but they couldn't be there all the time. I am positive your mum won't be ignored. Oh dear, I have rambled, you'll certainly need a cup of tea after all that. Maybe we should have another coffee break in the tea room all together??:)

Love and hugs xxxxx

Love your ramble. Yes... Coffee morning in the tea room - those were, and still can be i know, the days

Yes I remember telling you it was normal to feel the way you did.... WHY Don't I listen to my advice to others!!! :)

Feeling so much brighter today. Too much thinking "huh! it won't last" isn't going to stop me enjoy this moment - I hope....

Picking son up from uni. So proud of him. His assignments he has had marked have all come out with 1:1 - this from a boy who found it too much trouble to do more than the bare minimum at school/college. he is costing us a fortune at uni - cant budget to save his life.... That too will pass - before he bankrupts us I hope :D :D

Need to start a new thread title I think. I'm not crashing now... The crash has been? After the crash? can't think of a title that is suitable.

Escaping mum! Great to hear you are calm about it. Well done you.

The person calling out for a carer was a resident of the home, no real memory problems. it is obvious this resident is used to having a ladies maid... and a butler..... At lunch this resident and I had an indepth conversation about the future budget....So no, I don't think she was just calling out.... But I am aware I could be wrong - after all she is in the residential part of a care home....

Christmas - has been moved to the 28th in this house, when all the kids will be coming to us. Christmas day - will be how I have longed for it to be for ages, like it used to be when we were newly married - no expensive pressies, just a stocking of an orange (for OH) chocolate (for me) and a small turkey with trimmings. No telly, playing board games after lunch. just being together. Bliss

Huge Higs Jenny xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Morning Jenny,

Hurrah you are feeling good today:) Your Christmas sounds wonderful. I am not buying any presents this year but making a few. For us, as a family, it will mean Christmas is nicer as none of us have ever liked the commercial kind of Christmas.

It sounds like you are going to be busy on the 28th.

Love
 

creativesarah

Registered User
Apr 22, 2010
9,635
0
East Hunsbury Northamptonshire
good to read you are feeling a bit chipper

doesnt OH like chocolate? my mum always bought us chocolate oranges for our stockings when we were grown up!

hope you have a wonderful love filled day on the 25th

well done Son on great results!

Luv you lots

sarah
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
good to read you are feeling a bit chipper

doesnt OH like chocolate? my mum always bought us chocolate oranges for our stockings when we were grown up!

hope you have a wonderful love filled day on the 25th

well done Son on great results!

Luv you lots

sarah

Yes J LOVES chocolate..... but He's diabetic hence the orange and me a chocolate orange :D