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HELP I'm crashing again


Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
West Midlands
Hi all. Been lurking - inside nice and warm I hasten to add before you start worrying.

Wow such kindness is overwhelming - all of you - those who just read , those who posted you are amazing people.
I really don't want to miss thanking someone who smothered me in support so could you please understand if I don't mention your name individually now.


I am back at my own home now. Earlier than originally planned. Major decisions need to made by me for myself and my own sanity. The thinking today is to walk away..... Continue to visit mum - she's my mum - but have no other responsibility for her or the financing of her future care. Who knows what it will be tomorrow? Two weeks down the line I think I will know what's right for me - and if I do decide to walk away..... It will be a long, hard thought, painful decision. I now feel my sanity is my priority...... What keeps my sanity safe....... That's the decision isn't it.


Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
I now feel my sanity is my priority...... What keeps my sanity safe....... That's the decision isn't it.

That's exactly right 2jays. That is all that is important right now. Nothing else matters - only you. Your mother is being well cared for. Keep those who care about you close and let the others go hang. You will get there.

Loads of love and support. XXX


Registered User
May 19, 2012
bedlington northumberland
Hi 2jays,

just logged on and read your thread. you are not alone you have many friends here on TP. you have to put your own sanity first, look after yourself first as an ill you cannot take care of anyone else. please do not go out in the cold again stay whee it is warm.

sending you mega hugs.



Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
Dear 2Jays,

I now feel my sanity is my priority

It is really good to read that you have come to this priority 2Jays. You have a massive decision to make about whether to walk away or not and this will be very tough but your mental health will be high on the agenda when making your decision.

I will be wishing you well every step of the way.


Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
Hi 2jays,
Wondering how you are doing today?
24 hours can make a massive difference...... or no difference.
Sending you gentle peace, and hoping you are warm, comfortable, comforted by your TP heroes, and today is a whole lot better.
Hugs - and congratulations for your amazing actions yesterday (coming on here to shout for help, and then contacting Samaratans). I have learned from you, these are correct actions to take when under severe stress! Well done. Thank you for sharing and setting such a wise example.
Hugs, BE


Registered User
Apr 3, 2012
We'll be your family 2jays. When ever you need to let off steam, we're here for you.
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Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
Liverpool, Merseyside
Sorry 2jays
Only just seen your post and apologise for not supporting you sooner. Barb and I are having our own crash at the moment and we are so far behind with everything.
We are sending you a virtual hug but promise to save up all the real hugs for Birmingham. I don't think we will ever get our meal and we will all be black and blue from hugging :)

So glad you rang the Samaritans and hope you feel better.
Luv and ((((hugs))))
Polly and Barb


Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
West Midlands
Hi all
Thank you. Yes I am getting better. I know it's going to take time to feel totally myself again.

I still get moments of utter dispair, but thankfully I don't have to worry so much about mum. She is happy and settled in her care home. I think the fact she is, allowed me to crash, if that makes sense.

I am avoiding some decisions I have to make for myself, I am being selfish, at last some say :) until I have a clearer head. It works for me, to have a target ie I will deal with this, that, the other, next week, or when ever I have decided.

I am on a target day today, but I feel its ok to reschedule what I need to do, as I don't won't to do it today. I am learning that some things don't have to be done immediately - I have time. I am allowing me have have me time and not feel selfish for doing so.

Anything that needs to be done, but I don't want to do, my OH does for me. I am now finding it easier not to have to be in control all the time.

Keeping everything under control - that's what my life became. So much so, it almost felt like I had to sort everything out for everybody, felt everything was my responsibility. I couldn't hear a discussion about something, with out the feeling that they expected me to deal with it, when all they were doing was discussing something.

I took responsibility for everyone's happiness, except mine.

Anyone reading this, who is feeling overwhelmed, please I beg you, put yourself first and get some help. Having to arrange this extra help, I know so well, is another pressure for you, but once it's in place, do your utmost to start to let go.

In my opinion
Not letting go, not allowing others to help, feeling I was the only one who could do what needed doing, and crashing, That was being selfish, because were it not for mum being safe and reasonably content in her care home, she would be suffering now too

Higs, hugs and squashy mush xx
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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Well thought out 2Jays.

I doubt you`ll ever be selfish but it will do you no harm to put your own needs first for a while now your mother is settled.


Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
Well thought out 2Jays.

I doubt you`ll ever be selfish but it will do you no harm to put your own needs first for a while now your mother is settled.

can I just second that. I'm glad that when you asked for help (from us/Samaritans) you got it. xx


Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
Glad to see you emerging from the fog of life! Well done for getting so much sorted in a short time. Brilliant.


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