Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

[imthedaughter]

Although it is a dreadful situation to be in I think you've made some great first steps towards getting things in place for your dad. I feel so sorry for the home's owner as well as your dad, you and all the other residents and their families.

Oh thank you. Well, time is of the essence and I can't settle to my work if this stuff is hanging over me.
The owners and the staff have been so kind to us and dad over the years, and I hate to think of those wonderful people, especially those who have been there years, losing their jobs so suddenly, and the other residents and families. I am certain they will be devastated just like we are.
I am sure this will not be the last small home to close this winter either.
I have also been organising small gifts and thank you cards for the staff - I've bought some forget me not pins from the society as well and for dad's favourite carer, a silver forget me not necklace. I will never forget her kindness, that's for sure.

 

[jugglingmum]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening. You've been so happy with the care home.

It does sound an ideal opportunity to move your dad nearer to you and worth pushing for.

I also think staff will jump before the final closure if they can so worth getting the presents to them in advance.

As LAs have paid below a viable rate for many years with effectively subsidy by self funders the sector is struggling and there'll be plenty more to come.

 

[imthedaughter]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening. You've been so happy with the care home.

It does sound an ideal opportunity to move your dad nearer to you and worth pushing for.

I also think staff will jump before the final closure if they can so worth getting the presents to them in advance.

As LAs have paid below a viable rate for many years with effectively subsidy by self funders the sector is struggling and there'll be plenty more to come.

Yes you're completely correct. I spoke to the owner again this morning and she told me that dad is being assessed for nursing care next week. As I suspected, the home - and she told me this has been driven by the staff, some of whom have really shown care and love to dad - have been extremely flexible and tried their best to cope with dad's increasing needs, beyond what is really their remit, in order to keep him in the same place. But it was always likely he would have to be moved, although being able to put him on a waiting list in a place we chose might have been better but here we are.
I think it's what I expected anyway so the homes I've suggested to social services are dementia nursing homes.
I'll send a parcel to the home as I don't think I'll be going down until we move dad and right now I don't know when that will be.

 

[imthedaughter]

A small update.
Social worker emailed to check we had LPA on Monday and confirm she'd seen dad. I rang the social worker yesterday afternoon for an update (unlike 3 years ago this one has given me her mobile number from the off so there's no escape from me) and she told me she had assessed Dad as needing a dementia residential home, and she'd called my county who has confused the life out of her re: funding. I think they probably answered the phone in Welsh, too, which would have been a bit confusing to start with, I expect.

Anyway this morning she told me she had rung round the homes I suggested and there is one which is not in my county but it is halfway between my older brother and I, which seems fair and is a much reduced journey for us both.
The home is a residential dementia home and it has a good - dare I say excellent - report from a recent inspection. I can only hope they will be able to cope with dad and will not need a top up. The local area is a famously poor one in Wales so I am hoping it's not massively expensive...

My parcel of thank you boxes for the closing care home will be finished today. They each have a gift bag with a blue ribbon containing a pin from the Alzheimer's Society, a thank you note, some Cadbury's heroes and a scented candle. For dad's favourite carer a silver forget-me-not necklace as well, and an ornament of real forget-me-nots set in resin (prettier than it sounds I promise!) for the owner. I wonder if this is a normal thing to do but I always used to send a F&M hamper each year at christmas - but obviously I won't be this year. Funnily enough I'd always order it months in advance but hadn't got round to it yet.

 

[jugglingmum]

It sounds like good progress is being made.

We have welsh speakers in the office (liverpool) and they phone welsh help lines as easier to get through than english ones (HMRC) but as I live 5 miles from the border and my husband works in Wales it's something I'm used to. My daughter had friends who were first language Welsh when cycling.

When my mum left her sheltered extra care for a care home I bought a large quantity of Creme eggs, a load of mini hand cremes from the body shop (I live near an outlet village) and as mum's main senior (carer) didn't eat chocolate I also bought a selection bags of crisps. She had been mum's senior for 8 years and she was overwhelmed that I did this when I discovered that she didn't like chocolate. I dropped creme eggs down with the restaurant as well.

I've never been very good at buying things at Christmas but that has always been my intention.

 

[imthedaughter]

It sounds like good progress is being made.

We have welsh speakers in the office (liverpool) and they phone welsh help lines as easier to get through than english ones (HMRC) but as I live 5 miles from the border and my husband works in Wales it's something I'm used to. My daughter had friends who were first language Welsh when cycling.

When my mum left her sheltered extra care for a care home I bought a large quantity of Creme eggs, a load of mini hand cremes from the body shop (I live near an outlet village) and as mum's main senior (carer) didn't eat chocolate I also bought a selection bags of crisps. She had been mum's senior for 8 years and she was overwhelmed that I did this when I discovered that she didn't like chocolate. I dropped creme eggs down with the restaurant as well.

I've never been very good at buying things at Christmas but that has always been my intention.

We have 12 days so we need to keep going...
Dw i'n dysgu Cymraeg (I am learning welsh) but am not in any way fluent!
When I was teaching some parents used to bring me end of term or christmas or leaving gifts - I did appreciate them but it's the notes I treasured most though.

 

[imthedaughter]

Update today - no news from SS until this morning.
Turns out she only works Mon-Wed. Of course. But never thought to tell me that.

Also the manager of the care home in Wales has been on holiday - which she knew about but again, why tell me? ?

I am on leave for most of this week and the expectation is that I hand over my work and let my stakeholders know I am off.

I don't even do anything important.
These people make me feel very frustrated.

Email this morning to say they would speak to the care home today and then asked if there was a particular day convenient for me to pick dad up.

Excuse me?
We had a conversation about moving his belongings which I said I would do, but from that conversation I took away that dad would be moved by the LA. This is the first I am hearing of this.

I don't mean to sound naive about it, I know now it is seeming likely that an out of area move is not covered but it would have been better to have told us that last week perhaps.

I am now calling round private ambulance services which are booked up as it is quite last minute or they are reserved for the NHS. St. John's aren't even taking private bookings any more due to the NHS demand.

Of course it is difficult to book transport without confirmation of a place and If they want top up fees we are scuppered.

 

[Sarasa]

I hope you can get something sorted @imthedaughter. It sounds like a lot of mis-communication between various people. What a pain.

 

[jennifer1967]

Update today - no news from SS until this morning.
Turns out she only works Mon-Wed. Of course. But never thought to tell me that.

Also the manager of the care home in Wales has been on holiday - which she knew about but again, why tell me? ?

I am on leave for most of this week and the expectation is that I hand over my work and let my stakeholders know I am off.

I don't even do anything important.
These people make me feel very frustrated.

Email this morning to say they would speak to the care home today and then asked if there was a particular day convenient for me to pick dad up.

Excuse me?
We had a conversation about moving his belongings which I said I would do, but from that conversation I took away that dad would be moved by the LA. This is the first I am hearing of this.

I don't mean to sound naive about it, I know now it is seeming likely that an out of area move is not covered but it would have been better to have told us that last week perhaps.

I am now calling round private ambulance services which are booked up as it is quite last minute or they are reserved for the NHS. St. John's aren't even taking private bookings any more due to the NHS demand.

Of course it is difficult to book transport without confirmation of a place and If they want top up fees we are scuppered.

you need to be a mind reader and have a crystal ball to know whats going on. i hope you get it sorted out and communication gets better between all the parties

 

[imthedaughter]

you need to be a mind reader and have a crystal ball to know whats going on. i hope you get it sorted out and communication gets better between all the parties

So true. And I've got visitors this week... chaos

 

[imthedaughter]

I hope you can get something sorted @imthedaughter. It sounds like a lot of mis-communication between various people. What a pain.

?. I'm sick of it already and nothing has actually happened!

 

[imthedaughter]

No further news from the social worker.
She did finally clarify that we'd need to arrange transport for out of area. She also suggested we see if a wheelchair taxi is suitable. I do not think so and am not looking into it. All the ambulance services told me a stretcher would be best for the length of journey.
Have had no quote from the private ambulance either which is also annoying.
They have found a place in the same city he's in now which will accept dad and although the social worker says she wants him to move closer to family her lack or urgency or update makes me think she'd prefer this one. I told her he'll have to be moved twice in quick succession and I don't want that. I also don't want to be haring down there just to move his belongings up the road.
I don't know, I just think with a bit more effort this could be sorted out.
I also got the distinct impression that she's not done any of her own research - she said out of the half dozen I sent her this was the only one with availability. Again, I should have expected less.

 

[imthedaughter]

We ran out of time so dad is still in his home town. Social Services have to offer a place, and they did, and they lost the place in Wales (probably due to the SW only working part time, if you ask for a place on Wednesday then disappear until Monday I'd understand they could give it to someoneelse in the meantime).
She did however finally pick up the phone and do some of her own research and there were only places in homes with hefty top ups (£266 per week!)
So dad has been moved out and when I called to see how he was doing he seemed aware he was in a new place and in good spirits. He said the food was good. Long may that last given how fussy he was at the other place!
However I am going to find him a place up here so we can see him more. I didn't want to move him twice but there's no good reason for him to be there now we know he's not having any regular visits.

 

[Sarasa]

It's annoying that the move didn't work out, but I'm glad your dad seems to accept the new place. At least you now have time to properly research a new home, and if you like one that doesn't have space at the moment put your dad's name down on the waiting list.

 

[jugglingmum]

Sorry place nearer to you didn't materialise.

I seem to recall that your dad likes his food so that sounds a very positive comment.

I agree with Sarasa's comment re waiting list, however locally to me homes don't seem to operate waiting lists, it was a case of phoning round to see if there was a vacancy, potentially daily. Hence I used a private social worker (mum is self funding - cost was under £300 from mum's money - a lot less than a week in a care home). I appreciate your dad is not self funding/bankrupt and you shouldn't need to pay yourself. For me it was a case of juggling job, kids and mum.

 

[imthedaughter]

It's annoying that the move didn't work out, but I'm glad your dad seems to accept the new place. At least you now have time to properly research a new home, and if you like one that doesn't have space at the moment put your dad's name down on the waiting list.

Yes I hope so and that's my plan. We will need a bit of time/fair warning to arrange private ambulance etc. My older brother and I are planning to go down in a couple of weeks and see the place he'sin now, we're both busy with various commitments until then.

 

[imthedaughter]

Sorry place nearer to you didn't materialise.

I seem to recall that your dad likes his food so that sounds a very positive comment.

I agree with Sarasa's comment re waiting list, however locally to me homes don't seem to operate waiting lists, it was a case of phoning round to see if there was a vacancy, potentially daily. Hence I used a private social worker (mum is self funding - cost was under £300 from mum's money - a lot less than a week in a care home). I appreciate your dad is not self funding/bankrupt and you shouldn't need to pay yourself. For me it was a case of juggling job, kids and mum.

I will look into this. Dad still has some money as no court has taken what cash has yet but I'd be willing to spend that anyway. Thanks!

 

[imthedaughter]

I have finally caught enough of a break to get home and join my older brother and his girlfriend to see the new care home and dad.
We turn up, he's asleep and got a chest infection. They have been trying to find antibiotics for 48 hours now. Paramedics have been called twice and they don't want to hospitalise him, for good reasons.
He wasn't really responding to anything or anyone, but he did seem to be listening to the music I put on for him and we just sat around and chatted (and made him another plane). I'd brought a Christmas card so got that out and checked all his belongings etc.
I gave his knee a squeeze and he sort of wobbled his leg in response, but we felt he really needed to rest so didn't push him. I feel sure he could hear us around him, even if he wasn't contributing.
I am not sure if he will survive this infection and am struggling to know what the right thing is to do at this point. I can't stay or rush down there again soon but I'm glad we went when we did. I guess if this is it I didn’t see it happening like this, and the other thought that strikes me is that there's no ideal way for this to happen, is there?

 

[canary]

Im sorry to hear about your dad. He may respond to the ABs. I thought mum was at end of life when she got a chest infection, and that my OH was when he got sepsis, but they both bounced back.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[imthedaughter]

Im sorry to hear about your dad. He may respond to the ABs. I thought mum was at end of life when she got a chest infection, and that my OH was when he got sepsis, but they both bounced back.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks Canary.