Helen and Alan


Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
East Coast of Australia
Condolences and gentle (((hugs)))to you at this sad time. I am glad your friends here at TP can support and comfort you. We are far apart, yet close in heart.

I've followed your journey since coming on here and appreciate your sharing of the journey you have made as much more than just Alan's carer and wife. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Now he is at peace and although it was not as you wished at the end it is all over now and you can rest assured that you did your best. You have given Alan the best gift any of us can give - your love.



Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East
Helen - I'm so so sorry to hear of Alan's passing and in a way that you were at such pains to avoid. My heart goes out to you.

I am imagining him loosened from the restrictions of mortality and entering a place that none of us have ever been It is a time to be glad - I am so glad that he is free. I imagine he's actually glad to be free from having to have a 'carer' which I had become. Hopefully, he is relishing the freedom from the need of anyone caring for him.
I've only come to read your posts over the last few weeks Helen, but I have this image in my mind of Alan bounding from cloud to cloud after reading this.

Take care



Registered User
Oct 31, 2007
Hi Helen,

I have followed your story keenly over the weeks and now need to communicate my love to you in its previous absence visually. I can understand how you are feeling, and I would be the same.

Love, Nikola


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Dear Helen:
I have only just seen your message and although it was expected it is a great shock.

I am so sorry that Alan's passing was not as smooth and peaceful as you worked so hard to achieve. But he will have known your love and devotion to him right through to the end. May God bless him on his journey and YOU too as you adjust to an empty space.

You know your family and friends are with you.


Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Dear Helen,
Although we knew that Alan's passing was near, it was still with a little disbelief that I read of his passing.

It did not go smoothly but he is free now, free to enjoy his songs and bicycle and stuffed animals and his enormous and overreaching love for you.

Your love for him was manifest in every single thing you did for him. Your ability to let go of anger is a tremendous feat that few of us would be able to match.

Our deeply felt condolences to you.

Joanne and Rudi

sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
bradford west yorkshire
Helen my love so sad the final moments were not peacfull for Alan, but glad you can let the anger go, i am picturing Alan winging his way to his destiny, swinging over his bridges with his twinkley eyes now pain free and smiling down on you, I have just listened to the beautiful song, thank you so much for sharing that with us, Helen your strengh, warmth and love for Alan have touched so many and my life is so much the better for having known Alan, and yourself. i hope it brings you some comfort to know how well loved Alan was. tears will be flowing in many Tp housholds today . all my love Pam


Registered User
Oct 12, 2009
NW England
Dear Helen

I've just come here for the first time today, only to read the terribly sad news, not just of Alan's passing, but also the manner of his passing - I am so sorry that it wasn't the peaceful transition it should have been.

What you did for Alan, the love you both shared, your courage and bravery - it's all a shining example to all of us who come to TP. You are a very special lady.



Registered User
Apr 4, 2008
Helen, Thinking of you at this sad time. Alan is now free of all his torment and pain and when your sorrow has eased, his spirit will shine on and you will have wonderful memories to treasure.
For now, take care and I send you my love.


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
Dear Helen, I'm sorry I wasn' able to post this message earlier.. my computer is very slow today.

I am so terribly sorry to hear of your sad loss this morning and send you love and sympathy and every kind wish to you for the following days. No one could have cared for Alan as devotedly as you did, nor fought so hard to make sure he was comfortable and well-supported.

I am so sorry that his last hours were marred by poorer standards of care than you intended for him. That was not your fault, Helen, but the fault of the 'system' which still needs improving, it seems even in those areas where you had grown to feel confidence.

You supported Alan heroically for so long and there is no way that he would have been unaware of your love and kindness. I wish I could say more to help you at this sad time. I hope you will bear up during the next week as best you can and that your family and friends are around to support you as well as your friends on TP. The meadow and wild flowers sound idyllic.

Love and sincere sympathy, from Deborah xx


Registered User
Jun 8, 2009
West Country

Dear Helen

I was so sorry to hear of Alan's passing but also glad for you that you can see at as a release for him. There
will be difficult days ahead but having followed your story over the past few months we all know you did everything possible for him. This wretched disease is so cruel, not only for the sufferer but also those who have to watch and try to decide what to do for the best, knowing that, in the end, there can only be one outcome. What was that old phrase from the war years, something like "they also serve who only stand and wait". Watching a loved one go through all this is so so difficult. I hope that in a few months when things have settled down you will be able to spend some time and love on yourself. I am sure that is what Alan would have wanted for you.

God Bless. Sending love to you and all your family,



Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Dear Helen

I am so sorry to hear of Alan`s passing.
I will always remember the photo`s of him with his little dogs and glad that he will take one with him on his journey.

Heaven will be a much better place today.
Take care Helen you did more than your best for him.
Much love Roseann xx


Registered User
Oct 8, 2009
Herefordshire UK
Dear Helen

I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for you and your family. Alan was obviously loved very much and the days ahead are going to be difficult for you all.

I hope you like this little poem -

Time To Fly Away

To soar and float and flutter
A gentle bird I’d be
To grace the clouded mountains
Or fly oer the salted sea

No more tied to substance
That makes up whom we are
It’s but little bits of nature
That can fit within a jar

I am now more than all of this
I’ve found a new resolve
To seek the boundless universe
And it’s mysteries to solve

Wish me a well journey
For it’s time to fly away
I’m off to see the universe
Until we meet again some day

Thinking of you
love from


Registered User
Jun 26, 2008
I have become a sporadic visitor recently - but logged in just now. I've actually cried a little over the account of the last few days.

But you have NOT let Alan down. He was at home, he had you, and he had the dog. I know the last may sound a little sentimental, but my God I know how important it will have been to you and to him.

All my love, and be brave.


Registered User
Oct 14, 2006
Dear Helen,

This is all so terribly heart-rending after all the love and care you have given Alan and I’m somewhat lost for the right words of solace as emotion has got the better of me thinking of my destiny and just how Sumi will cope with it, all I can say is that I hope she has the same fortitude that you see to have at this moment.

Please accept both mine and Sumi’s deepest condolences
Love Barry and Sumi


Registered User
Jun 19, 2009
Dear Helen

I am so sorry to hear your sad news, but I feel that Alan is at peace now. I have just listened to the Ray La Montagne song - what a lovely song.
Take care of yourself my thoughts are with you.
Love Dibs (Deborah) xxxxxxx