Helen and Alan

[tillygirl]

Dear Helen, I am so sorry.

Sad that Alan's passing was not how it should have been. Glad that you were with him at the end. Your love for Alan and the dedication you showed in getting him the care he deserved was amazing.

Please accept my sincere condolences.

Love and hugs, Tilly

 

[susiesue]

Dear Helen

I am so upset to hear your very sad news and that Alan passed away in such distressing circumstances. As everyone has said you did everything you could to help him pass peacefully and hopefully now he is at peace.

Thinking of you and sending love and (((HUGS)))

 

[jayne-b]

Helen So sorry to hear that the end was so traumatic.

I know the anger you are feeling, let it pass and not stain the truly wonderful love and care you gave to Alan.

I wish you strength in the coming days.

jxx

 

[Beezed]

Dear Helen,

I am so sorry to hear of Alan's passing, and in such sad circumstances. You strove tirelessly to give him the best of care.

My sincere condolences,

Love Jeanne

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Helen my dearest I am so so very sorry. Please accept my sincere condolences. TP will all be in mourning today and we all feel so so sad at the difficult ending Alan and you experienced. Please take comfort from the fact that he would have known YOU did everything and more possible to enable him to have a smooth and peaceful end. Alan has found his peace now and I sincerely hope you can find yours sooner than later. I wish you strength to enable you to continue being the positive spirit we all know so well. My thoughts are with you today and always. x

 

[Soobee]

Dear Helen

I'm so sorry that Alan's last moments were not as you would have wanted, I hope that in time you can put them into your mental box of memories labelled 'not so good' and store this away in a dingy corner of your mind. It's the other box - the one marked 'lovely memories' that you will need to go back to again and again. You have many thousands of memories of life with a wonderful husband which will sustain you and help you.

If you remember a few weeks ago I spoke of us wishing we could queue out of the door to give you some comforting hugs - well we're not going anywhere so grab a virtual hug whenever you need one - and if you need to cry or vent your anger, you can be sure we'll do it with you. Much love xx

 

[Helen33]

I'd arranged for my sister who has Downs Syndrome to come and say goodbye to Alan this morning but I had to ring her home and get them to explain that he had died and that she wouldn't be able to say goodbye to him today but another day in the week. He is still on the air mattress and it looks like he is breathing and he looks terrible and I think it is too much for anyone other than me. I said she was welcome to come any time because I think it is so important that she feels fully included.

She has gone. Alan will be collected at 11am so that he can be prepared and then I am visiting the man from the burial site where my mum is and which is wild flower meadow and woods and Alan will be buried there hopefully on Friday but I will have to see what they say.

I have already let go of the anger because the two District Nurses wrote up their report of it whilst here and they asked me to read it and verify that it was accurate - which it was.

I am imagining him loosened from the restrictions of mortality and entering a place that none of us have ever been It is a time to be glad - I am so glad that he is free. I imagine he's actually glad to be free from having to have a 'carer' which I had become. Hopefully, he is relishing the freedom from the need of anyone caring for him. My shackles have not been so cleanly severed and I think it will take me a little longer to let go and learn to fly again. Today I said "Oh I can put on a CD" whereas I had learnt to live in a silent world because Alan couldn't cope with much noise.

I forgot to tell you that yesterday he held on to one of the tiny dogs all day and never let go. He still has it in his hand and I am going to make sure that it stays there.

Love

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Bless you Helen, you are very special x
My mother took her beloved teddy with her.

 

[Sam Iam]

Helen,
I am so very sorry to read your lovely Alan has gone and my heart hurts for you, hug xxx.
I hope and pray that you have strength and peace of mind to help you through.


I will always remember the pictures of Alan smiling,having been loved and cared for by a beautiful lady who has given her all to make life special for him, always remember you did Helen.

Bless you Helen xxxx

 

[weeze]

Dear Helen,
I am so sorry that the final moments weren't as you hoped but am glad that you are embracing Alans new freedom and with time your own.
I'm sure all TP members thoughts will be with you today.

Love x

 

[Bristolbelle]

Helen, so glad....

... you are able to see through the anger. So many of us feel this when the end comes becuse we lose control, because all our efforts (and yours have been truly unbeleiveable) are not enough, because WE can not change destiny, we are after all ony human.
Alan's journey has begun, free from pain and dementia, how beautiful can such liberty be? For him "Morning has broken!".
Helen you know whatever you feel, we are all here for you, love peace and strength ........XXX

 

[bigtom]

Helen,i am so sorry alans passing was not the peaceful one you so wanted for alan.his little dog is with him this as brought tears as i type. my sincere condolences to you and your family. love and (((hugs)) tom and sylvia

 

[bigtom]

Helen, just been speaking to normms he has asked me to pass on sincere condolences from normms and elaine and you are in their thoughts

 

[nellbelles]

Helen

Nothing can hurt Alan anymore, and you were with him on his last journey.

Try to take comfort from that.

I wish you peace and strength to carry you forward.

 

[Amber 5]

So Sorry

Sending my sincere condolences to you Helen. I will always remember Alan and his dogs and your loving care of him. It didn't work out quite as you would have wished, but he was with you at home and is now at peace. Hope you find peace.
love from
Gill x

 

[eastanglia]

Please accept my sincere condolences.

 

[Helen33]

Thank you and thank you Norrms. I have been wondering how your mum is?

I have been listening to this CD this morning and I would like to share it with you. It is like Alan singing to me (he was a singer) and me singing to him (I am tone deaf).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ3xTjvj9tw

I know my three London retreat friends will be saying "You can't wave your Mary Poppins umbrella at that" (meaning the fiasco) and it has made me smile

I hope you enjoy the music with me

Love

 

[Sandy]

Dear Helen,

Please accept my most deep condolences on your loss.

You have shown such love, compassion, creativity and tenacity in your care of Alan. And you have very generously shared so much of your journey with us on TP.

I found myself this morning looking back at all the lovely pictures that you have posted of Alan on TP. Those pictures and your posts have really endeared Alan to us on TP and his departure will leave a real gap in our TP family.

There are so many silly and trivial aspects to Valentine's day, but today I will be thinking of how your love for Alan demonstrates the real depth of human love and devotion - in sickness and in health.

Love,

 

[Mo_N]

Dear Helen

Thank you for sharing that piece of music with us. I am sure that everyone listening to it from TP will have a picture of Alan singing it to you with love in his eyes. I am so sorry that the ending was not the one you both wanted. You are an amazing lady to be able to see beyond it so soon & it is typical of you that even at such a time you are thinking of Normms & his mum.
Your description of Alan "flying" reminded me of the lyrics of a song by Celine Dion that comforted me when I lost my 17 year old god-daughter to cystic fibrosis. I hope you will also find comfort.

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly prercious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shead a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light


Sending you a big hug. Alan will never be forgotten.

Love
Mo xx

 

[dillydaydream]

So, so sorry to hear such sad news. Nobody on this earth could have done more for Alan than you did - you have been an inspiration to us all.
Carolyn xx