Hi, Ann. You are definitely not alone. A very non-scientific survey of TP will give you scores of examples of people with dementia being very nasty to their family members, and mothers and daughters come up all too often. I've been there too, and I'm very sorry for you and what you're going through. I am another one where my mother would be pleasant and polite to everyone else, and to me if there was anyone about, and then immediately switch into vitriol as soon as we were alone.
It did, slowly, get better. What helped me was to not visit during the worst of her nastiness to me, which correlated exactly with her hospitalization and subsequent move to a care home. It was, of course, all my fault as there was nothing wrong with her, according to my mother, anyway. So after we moved her to the care home, I didn't visit for almost two months, and then kept my visits very short, and never went by myself. As she is better now I can be somewhat more relaxed about this but never take her on an outing by myself and never spend too much time. If I start to get upset I just excuse myself to go to the toilet or get something I "forgot in the car" or whatever, and by the time I come back, she has forgotten what we were talking about. (One benefit to her having no short-term memory.) If I'm really upset, I take some extra time in the loo (she won't remember how long I was gone) and text a friend or relative for support. There's also a lot of deep breathing while I am there, and chocolate and alcohol afterwards. I don't know if any of these strategies would work for you, but thought it couldn't hurt to mention them.
Nothing about dementia is easy.
I am not a medical professional and so you shouldn't pay too much heed to what I say, but have you had "mild cognitive impairment" explained to you? My mother's neurologist has given my mother a diagnosis of MCI as well, but told me that she definitely has Alzheimer's and it is moderately to fairly advanced and she is significantly impaired. He's just not able to "upgrade" her diagnosis right now without a lot of other testing and hospital visits, that would only distress my mother, cost a lot of money, and wouldn't yield any benefit.
He also explained to me that the "mild" in MCI has nothing to do with degree of impairment, but is rather a clinical term to mean number of areas of function that are impacted. (It would have been nice if one of the previous doctors had bothered to tell me that!) See if any of the info from the Alzheimer's people is helpful for you: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=120
Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please know you're not alone and we are listening to you.
It did, slowly, get better. What helped me was to not visit during the worst of her nastiness to me, which correlated exactly with her hospitalization and subsequent move to a care home. It was, of course, all my fault as there was nothing wrong with her, according to my mother, anyway. So after we moved her to the care home, I didn't visit for almost two months, and then kept my visits very short, and never went by myself. As she is better now I can be somewhat more relaxed about this but never take her on an outing by myself and never spend too much time. If I start to get upset I just excuse myself to go to the toilet or get something I "forgot in the car" or whatever, and by the time I come back, she has forgotten what we were talking about. (One benefit to her having no short-term memory.) If I'm really upset, I take some extra time in the loo (she won't remember how long I was gone) and text a friend or relative for support. There's also a lot of deep breathing while I am there, and chocolate and alcohol afterwards. I don't know if any of these strategies would work for you, but thought it couldn't hurt to mention them.
Nothing about dementia is easy.
I am not a medical professional and so you shouldn't pay too much heed to what I say, but have you had "mild cognitive impairment" explained to you? My mother's neurologist has given my mother a diagnosis of MCI as well, but told me that she definitely has Alzheimer's and it is moderately to fairly advanced and she is significantly impaired. He's just not able to "upgrade" her diagnosis right now without a lot of other testing and hospital visits, that would only distress my mother, cost a lot of money, and wouldn't yield any benefit.
He also explained to me that the "mild" in MCI has nothing to do with degree of impairment, but is rather a clinical term to mean number of areas of function that are impacted. (It would have been nice if one of the previous doctors had bothered to tell me that!) See if any of the info from the Alzheimer's people is helpful for you: http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=120
Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please know you're not alone and we are listening to you.