Had enough today.

[jorgieporgie]

Hi Ladies,
Ireland is off for the moment, my SIL had a new knee replacement six weeks ago, and having had her stitches removed an infection as occurred, so unable to fly.
Was suppose to go tomorrow but wasn't to be, feeling sad and miserable today. Will rebook again soon, just hope she will be ok for Benidorm but another eight week before we go there.
Rosy your poor Mum and her bowels, she will feel out of sorts and irritable. I do believe they forget how to go.
Worrier hope your ok in yourself.

 

[Lavender45]

Worrier I hope you are relaxing a bit. It's amazing how much paperwork we amass!

Rosy, I cannot believe how long your poor mum has gone without "going", then a uti on top. So unfair. Take care with that aggression, know you will.

Jorgie I'm gutted for you. Hope your SIL's infection clears fast. Hopefully Ireland can be rearranged for you both soon.

Evening everyone else. Hope it's been an ok day.

I haven't been in to see mum today, but I've just called the ward. It's been the usual sort of day. She refused her morning and lunchtime meds, but has taken her evening ones. She's been putting herself to the floor again and has been in an altercation with another patient, H. She slapped his face staff intervened before it went further. Mum throws a mean slap, H will have felt that one hit home. He's pretty aggressive himself so it's a good job staff were able to stop things escalating.

All in all a standard mum day. Hey ho. X

 

[MollyD]

Hugs to you all.

(((Jorgie)))) special hug to you today. xxx

 

[Lavender45]

Well it's been a bit of a day of it today.

This morning I had a call from the ward to say that PC nursing home had contacted them to say they now have a vacancy and that they were going in to assess mum some time today. Needless to say I was thrilled. PC was my first choice for mum. I called the social worker who hadn't been told about the vacancy. The social worker said she would try to rush the paperwork through if PC got her the costings immediately, but that she leaves a week from Friday so we will be allocated a new social worker who would complete the paperwork if she didn't manage it. All good.

Around 4.30pm the ward called back. PC said no at least for now. Having read mum's notes they have decided mum would clash with a number of their existing residents and they cannot chance that. If those residents were no longer there, or if mum's bahaviour were managed better medication wise they could reconsider. We'd be waiting for x number of people to pass away. The consultant has already said mum's behaviour cannot be better managed. Effectively PC is a long term no.

So challenging behaviour home has refused my mum. How bizarre is that. I know mum is a handful, but I honestly never thought they would say that no. I am a bit gutted, but at the end of the day I appreciate their honesty. I would hate them to take mum then find they couldn't cope and had to return her to a secure NHS hospital. The stress of that sort of upheaval could see mum off. What am I saying mum is as tough as they come in every which way, she'd just attack some more people to express her frustration.

So there we go, one step forward, one step back. My hopes are now pinned on KC nursing home. We are still in competition with the man with hutchinsons for a bed there. They said yes when they assessed mum, but also admitted they skimmed her notes. I feel I want them to read her notes properly. They need to understand what they are taking on as it seems at the moment they are the only ones who will.

I've booked an appointment to see mum's consultant on Wednesday when she does ward rounds. Maybe there is something she can think of which she hasn't already tried to help calm mum. I do know I'm clutching at straws here, but it has to be worth a go!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's never dull with my mum. X

 

[LadyA]

Oh, Lavender. Gutted for you and your mum. xx

 

[Lavender45]

Thank you Lady A. X

 

[HillyBilly]

Sorry to hear this news Lavender, you must be disappointed. But, as you say, better this than an expulsion down the line. So sorry, I hope the other placement works out.

 

[Lavender45]

Thanks Hillybilly. How are you doing? X

 

[HillyBilly]

Am doing OK Lavender, thanks. Not grief-stricken or anything but feeling that things have irrevocably changed. I have a stronger sense of my own mortality and I am worried about my health and that of OH's. Not for any real reason whatsoever lol, not yet anyhow! Am being kept very busy with the new business launch and also the polytunnel which seems to swell overnight with greenery and produce

 

[rosy18]

Just took Mum to loo and lay here thinking of your poor Mum Lavender. Little did you realise that homes that took difficult patients could still refuse difficult patients . This has certainly been a learning curve for you Lavender and I have to say you've really handled the whole situation really well. You've had so much to contend with I'm praying your Mum gets to get into the other home. You both need the stability and I really feel your Mum will settle down a little more then.
I've got everything crossed that you get some good news soon.xxx

 

[Lavender45]

Rosy I hope you got back to sleep OK last night. Hope your GP is able to sort the constipation situation. I can only imagine the consequences you will face once your poor mum is able to "go" again. Anything toilet related is something I'd struggle with. I admire your fortitude in dealing with these things as matter of factly as you do. I know is I would be hiding out down the bottom of the garden!

I always knew that PC could say no, I just didn't expect them to. I was really, really candid when I visited them. I didn't pretend mum was anyone other than who she is and they were fine with it. They explained that when mum was in one of her moods they would not follow her as the ward do to intervene between her and other residents, they would walk ahead and clear the way so that conflict didn't arise. They sounded so well able to manage that I never expected them to decline the challenge of having mum with them. Guess it's not meant to to be and the world will not end. When all is said and done it's 2 buses for me to get to that home. KP is a walk away. There is a lot to be said for that.


Hillybilly I think you are doing brilliantly. I get what you mean about your own mortality though. I have trouble remembering I'm not 21 anymore, though every time I see a police officer I'm sharply reminded. Most of them look about 12 to me!

 

[Lavender45]

Farce, farce, farce!!!

Hi all. Remember the cartoons of old when the characters gets mad, goes red and steam comes out of their ears, that's me.

I called PC nursing home for some feedback. They said they have a number of vulnerable residents and a number like mum in their units and that the mix would not be right hence their refusal to take mum. They also said they have someone with very similar behaviours to mum and that they are on the verge of asking for her to leave. If they cannot cope with this lady it looks dodgy for mum.

I called the social worker who was surprised that PC had refused. She called them and then called me back. The social worker claims the ward did not give sufficient information for PC to make a fair assessment. She said she should have been present to explain mum's behaviours and to discuss what extra support could be put in place to help PC take her. The social worker has met mum once. How can she give accurate information and she's never attended any other assessment. I asked her if she meant one to one support, she refused to be drawn.

I called the ward who said they gave PC every scap of information requested. The nurse I spoke to said she sat with them and even had an argument with them as they had issue with the fact that mum likes the garden, but the available bed is on the first floor. They didn't feel it suitable. The nurse pointed out they could take her downstairs, but that seemed a sticking point. If taking mum to the ground floor to the garden is that much of an issue I don't want her there.

I now have a MDT meeting at 12.30 tomorrow which PC will attend. The social worker will be pushing to place mum there and I've gone right off them. If they don't want mum that's fine with me. The nurse who spoke to them yesterday will be there and she's asking for her manager to be present. I've left a message for PALS to ring me. I think I could do with their presence too.

In the meantime mum is brittle as per the nurse. That's ward speak for nasty and aggressive. No change there. I have also asked for a second opinion on mum's meds. Maybe a different consultant will have an alternative suggestion medication wise to help mum into a calmer frame of mind. Maybe they could give me something to stop the steam coming out of my ears too!!!

 

[MollyD]

Oh, Lavender, I don't know what to say. It's just appalling. Thank goodness your mum has you.

Hugs xx

 

[karaokePete]

Good luck with tomorrow's meeting Lavender45.

Your problems are so much greater that those I have with my wife as we set out on the journey together. You have inspired me to get my own issues into perspective.

 

[Lavender45]

Thank you for our kind words Molly and karaokePete.

Karaoke Peter I promise you my problems are no greater than yours just different. There's not one jot of this illness is easy whatever stage our loved ones are at, the challenges just change. It's a bit like living in a snow globe, dementia shakes your life up and everything just swirls around you.

 

[rosy18]

Oh Lavender and yet another meeting. As Jorgie said TG your Mum has got you and you are able to keep going fighting your Mums corner.
I hope the meeting goes well and you get some satisfaction.
Sending you ((hugs))xx

GP came today Mum wouldn't her examine her back Passage! but listened to her stomach and all sound well she just thinks maybe as Mum is eating very little....Anyway got to give it till next week in the meantime more laxatives. Poor Mum

 

[karaokePete]

Thank you for our kind words Molly and karaokePete.

Karaoke Peter I promise you my problems are no greater than yours just different. There's not one jot of this illness is easy whatever stage our loved ones are at, the challenges just change. It's a bit like living in a snow globe, dementia shakes your life up and everything just swirls around you.

That's a wonderful way of expressing how I feel at the moment. It's somewhat comforting to know that, at least, I'm not alone. Thank you.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Hi Ladies,
Oh Lavender you and your poor Mum, what hope is there out there for challenging behaviour patients.
I think the Government should pull their fingers out, start building appropriate homes and train staff to be able to cope with these poor people and give them a stable environment which to live in, instead of just ignoring the problem.
Rosy hope your Mum is comfortable and things start moving again. x

 

[Lavender45]

That's a wonderful way of expressing how I feel at the moment. It's somewhat comforting to know that, at least, I'm not alone. Thank you.

No you aren't alone there's so much support here on this thread and on TP in general. We are all here for you. X

 

[Lavender45]

Thanks Jorgie and Rosy.

Certainly more needs to be done to support our loved ones. The fact that all these homes are private businesses (in my area at least) definitely means they can pick and chose and they certainly do!

Pals called me back this afternoon they will attend the meeting too. The meeting room is pretty small, we will be packed in there like sardines! xxx