Had enough today.

[Pollytickle]

Never fear Pete, you will be in good company here with this lovely bunch; can't tell you how many times I've been reading this thread in the darkest of times, only to be comforted by the prophetic postings of those who have gone before in this battle known as Life Take your coat off, grab a mug of something warming & help yourself to the virtual chocolate eclairs & cream slices...they are rather scrummy but best part is it doesn't matter how many you have cus they're calorie free & won't spoil ya dinner


Make sure you have some boiled sweets/gum/mints & especially a bottle of water or such Lavender, because it will help you in all sorts of ways in the meeting During one of my previous lives I was lucky to do some courses, & they had lots of scientific evidence showing how having a sweetie or piece of gum helps you concentrate on what's being said, while liquid - particularly something fizzy - helps move the blood around your body to cool you down.
Have to say that I think one of the worst decisions any government has made in the past 20-odd years, was the ridiculous idea to close psychiatric hospitals & implement 'care in the community'. Mum likes watching the documentaries showing what the police have to contend with & it's pretty obvious how many vunerable people end up in a cell, simply because there's nowhere else for them to be safe Wonder how many are now placed in 'nursing homes' thereby taking a place for folks like your mum

 

[Lavender45]

Thank you for the tip Pollytickle. Will go in armed. Xxx

 

[Marnie63]

Hello all, hope everyone is OK. My broadband issues seem to be solved. It seems it was a fault on the phone line causing the problem, and that may have also accounted for the crackle whenever I spoke to someone on it! The service from our favourite communications company was very fast and good, but their actual communications leave a lot to be desired ... they're just not very good at it, strangely.

Lavender - I hope there's a good outcome from your upcoming meeting. How can there be nowhere for some people with dementia to go? It worries me too as mum can be very 'difficult' in some situations. It feels like a dead end sometimes. It's disgraceful that (a) people even have to pay for dementia care and (b) that no one seems to want some of them. What an utter, utter disgrace for a civilised world (or is it?!). Imagine the uproar if cancer patients were treated so badly. As JP says we need 'dementia hospitals', but there ain't no sign of any on the horizon, only privately owned, grossly expensive CHs. How lucky are those who are lucky enough not to get dementia, in more ways than one.

JP - sorry to hear your trip to Ireland is off. Hope your SIL is better soon. You need that holiday in Spain, I'm sure!

Hope everyone else is OK. Has anyone heard from HD? Hope she's OK.

Mum still fairly settled here. I can't help thinking that maybe it's the calm before the storm. I have a bad feeling about this coming winter, based on how poorly she was with last winter's chest infection. I can't protect her from everything sadly. She is as confused as ever, but flits between calm, fairly content, and then upset. Last night was a good example. She had been OK-ish all day. I wanted to watch the Diana documentary, so that was on, mum seemed to be watching, but kept asking me if it was 'real'. I tried to explain simply what it was about, but she didn't get it. All was fine until we went to bed, then she started crying and saying how stupid she is. This is often followed by 'do something with me', and I sometimes even get 'kill me' I suspect she gets occasional flashes of some kind of understanding. This never lasts long and she can be easily distracted, but I find it heart wrenching when she says these things to me, as it seems she knows something is not right with her. It must be so frightening. It's utterly horrible.

Was messaging a friend overseas this evening and she said I need the patience of a saint and the strength of a horse to get through this! Made me laugh a little. I certainly am not patient all the time. I've probably got more strength than patience, but most of that is just me not wanting to 'submit' to the dementia. I told myself from the start that this isn't going to beat me. At the moment I'm back in control, for now ....

 

[WORRIER123]

Morning ladies,
Oh Lavendar I really don't know how you are managing. I had some battles but nothing like you The girl who runs the activity room on dad's Ward was telling me about one of the patients who was there when dad was. He kept mistaking all the women for his wife but now taken to kicking and punching walls and people as soon as she goes home she can't even go to the loo.
Dad's flower donations have been sent to the hospital for use in the dementia Ward well the activity room where the girl looked after dad so well. She wants me to pop in to say thank you but I can't think how I can go back to that Ward and see the nurses and doctor I will lose it I think.
Buried most of dad's ashes yesterday I bought some lovely plants and arranged those in the garden. There was so much of him and I can see why you have to be careful where you do it as it's quite obvious what it is.
Off to Brecon Beacons Friday to take the rest of dad back home where he belongs.
Had quite a few very teary days can't believe how much I miss my dad more than I ever thought. I think it's because of the caring role and how much you do for them
Was fuming yesterday so dad's so called friend he has known for 30+years who popped in before the dementia but never did after walked past the gate and looked in. There I was 2ft away not a smile a wave nothing. He was at the funeral with his wife who spoke to me but he stood in a corner smoking.
Maybe guilt he never helped or knocked on the door once. But then he did live 30secs away
When's the trip Jorgie ?
Rosy and Marnie and Lady A, Harry's d and Hillybilly Aisling hope you are all ok ?
I looked backed at some of my 3am posts moaning about being woken up
Well best sign off as on the tube to work and got tears in my eyes.
Seems to be a delayed reaction I get more upset as the days go on
Xx

 

[HillyBilly]

Hi everyone and good luck today Lavender x

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning Everyone,
Good luck Lavender x
Worrier people always say grieving gets easier, but eight months on since Mum passed and it seems to get harder, I so miss her. It was easier at the beginning but I think that was just relief and tiredness, reality as certainly set in now though.
The Ireland trip was cancelled Worrier as my SIL got an infection in her knee that she had replaced a few weeks ago, but out Spain holiday is not for eight weeks yet.
Hope your Mum is comfortable Rosy.
All have a nice day xxx

 

[LadyA]

Morning everyone.
Hard times of grieving for you Worrier. But you can know "in your knower" as a friend of mine says, that you did the very best you could for your dad. And yeah, we had several of those type of friends too!

I'm up to my neck in fruit! Bottling plums and now the apples are coming ripe too! I'm gorging myself on plums and apples, and am off to the shops this morning to buy the ingredients to make my plum brandy liquer for Christmas presents! I'll have to scout out the recipe again. I know I need a couple of bottles of brandy, and sugar, and grated orange rind, and I think a couple of cinnamon sticks. I can't have alcohol because of my medication, but I am told this stuff is very delicious, and a lot stronger than it tastes, because the natural yeast on the plums reacts with the sugar to boost the alcohol content of the brandy!

I tell you what though. I'm feeling my arthritis this year (or my age!). Climbing ladders to the plum tree is not for me any more, after this! My dau & SIL are gone to Bulgaria to visit his parents, only for that, I'd be sending her up the tree! They are already warned that never again are they to arrange holidays for this time of year, when everything is ripening!
Off I go! In a way I suppose it's a good thing that I'm out of work at the moment! My only client (I'm a Home Help, but I only work 4 hours a week), is in hospital after a fall. She can't use her walking frame, as she has broken her wrist. Can't manage dressing, going to the loo. So, not sure really what they will do. Medically, she doesn't need to be in hospital, but she can't manage at home. Yet, she's not at all nursing home material.

 

[MollyD]

Morning everyone.

LadyA, mmm nom. I love home grown plums. You really are a one woman cottage industry there.

I like your expression "know in your knower" lol. Lovely.

Lavender, wishing you progress at that meeting.

Rosy, how hard for your mum, such a fundamental function can just take over with problems in old age. Dementia added in just makes it a nightmare for your mum and you.

Marnie, good to hear you have internet back. Hope the calm continues. I understand you worrying about what the winter holds, it's very understandable.

Worrier, sending a hug, hope the trip with your dad's ashes brings some comfort. Like jorgie, for me grief is getting deeper now, now that the shock, high alert stress and relief has subsided. I've good days but I was so close to mum and dad for the years before. I'm looking at it that I'm very very fortunate to have been, that I had the opportunity to come full circle with them both.

I do have so many regrets though, and loads of guilt. No idea why I can't process that. Something popped into my head yesterday that might explain it someway. I was giving myself some self talk round it, I responded (to myself...yes, much talking to myself, even out loud ),

"only a saint could meet your expectations of yourself and you're simply very far from a saint".

In turn I replied (are you still with me ), "That's *exactly* it. No matter what anyone says, deep down, I feel mum *deserved* only the care and love of that level, and I wish I could have met that for her".

But I didn't meet that, obviously, not by a country mile. Maybe naming it (and the impossbility of it) will help me forgive myself a little.

Onwards and upwards to each if us wherever we are in today. Hugs xx

 

[Lavender45]

Oh Molly, Worrier and Jorgie, (Hillybilly, Harrys Daughter, Aisling and Lady A too) you all did everything you possibly could for your loved ones. You all went so far beyond my own boundaries that I can only look in awe at how you coped.

The meeting went well and the social worker has been squashed at least for now. I have to be honest I was rude to her, I talked over her and shot her down on some of her rubbish. Mum would be proud of my sheer bolshiness today. Have to say I'm normally much more amenable and polite, but those things go out the window when something isn't right for mum.

The meeting is over and I'm sitting with mum who is snoozing on her bed. Her medication has been changed once again, respiridone is increasing and clonazepam is reducing and the consultant was ok about my request to have her notes reviewed by another consultant. Let's see where that takes us.

 

[rosy18]

Good for you Lavender the SW definitely needed to be put in her place.
Let's hope the tweak in your Mums meds will help xx

Worrier ((hugs))xx

Jorgie I do hope your SIL will be ok in time for Spain are you doing a Blackpool visit ?

I just want to echo what Lavender said. Everyone that's lost a loved one you all went above and beyond.
You all did everything possible with love and compassion be it at home or in a CH .xx

Well I can happily say that after 16 days Mum has finally had a bowel movement, several to be exact and is now seeming more settled not surprisingly. I never thought I could get so excited about going to the loo, I was so relieved

 

[HillyBilly]

Well done you Lavender. I know we're not supposed to knock SW's in general but I too enjoyed the spats I had with those I encountered. Or rather I enjoyed the outcomes. In the world of dementia there is no time or place for niceties or pussyfooting.

Rosy - so happy re the BM!

 

[MollyD]

Lavender, well done. X

Rosy's mum, well done!

Virtual hugs to anyone who needs them xxx

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning Ladies,
Rosy isn't it strange how our perspectives change in dementia, excitement over bowel movement, but glad you Mum is comfortable again. Hopefully will be taking Grandsons for the illuminations in October.
Hope everyone as a nice day, I am out on my Thursday ritual jollies now
Hugs back Molly xxxx

 

[MollyD]

Wishing everyone as manageable a day as possible heading into another weekend. Hugs x

 

[Pollytickle]

Yay Rosy Time for a Poop Party...any excuse to celebrate eh . I've never been bothered with owning the latest gadget or the name of the shop I get my unmentionables from so I'm with Jorgie in embracing the small victories in Life


Meanwhile...
Mum asks a question, I answer, she argues the toss & calls me a liar.
Mum asks the same question, I give her the answer she gave me earlier, she argues & calls me a liar.
Repeat ad infinitum

Mum wants to 'go home' because "nobody talks to ya here!".
She is very deaf but won't let me put drops in her ears to shift the wax

And I would like to sleep for a week

Happy Days ...

 

[LadyA]

Well done Lavender! I would say you should do a little victory dance, only it's so not a victory, isn't it? It's just what shouldbe happening for your mum, and not things that you have to battle for! Why is it that every little inch gained has to be fought so hard for? It's not like you are asking for the moon, or even for five star treatment!

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning Ladies,
Hope you all have a manageable weekend.x

 

[LadyA]

Morning everyone. Hope you are all doing ok today? It's starting to feel a bit Autumnal here already. Cooler and windy, and the fruit is ripening faster than I can keep up with! I've been bottling plums and yesterday made plum & ginger chutney, thinking ahead to Christmas pressie hampers of home made goodies! And I'm off loading kilos of plums onto others who want some for jam, not to mention just gorging myself on them fresh. It's a heck of a lot of work though! I'll be glad when it's done, because the apples are also ripening fast and furious, and they need dealing with too! Anyone fancy coming to help? I'll pay in apples!

 

[Pollytickle]

What breeds are they Lady A cuz I do enjoy a crisp apple - gala, Braeburn, along those lines - unless it's in a chunky sauce

 

[LadyA]

What breeds are they Lady A cuz I do enjoy a crisp apple - gala, Braeburn, along those lines - unless it's in a chunky sauce

I have no idea, pollytickle! I know we have a Cox's pippin, but there are maybe 13 or 14 trees in all! The ones I'm munching through at the moment, I have a battle to get any! The birds and wasps motor through them on the tree. They are delicious. So are the other variety that are ripe now, but I don't know what they are. "Katie" will be up next, and there's a yellow apple that can be used both for cooking and eating. And there's one that won't be ripe for eating until end of October/November, but will (unless we get stormy winds), hang on the tree into December. Most of the apples we bottle, so the processing makes them into a chunky sauce. I dry a lot too. Dried apple rings make a lovely snack when you have the munchies! They are also great for snipping up into porridge in the morning.

I think one or two of these trees need to come out! They are in the way, and don't produce much.