Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
There are moments and situations when we forget whatever happened in the past.
I'm sorry J is not good and worried about you. Take care of yourself. Hope you are having a peaceful night.
I'm sorry J is not good and worried about you. Take care of yourself. Hope you are having a peaceful night.
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I can understand your feelings. More than my Mum, I miss my Dad. I could always rely on him. He was strong and wise and knew what to say and do to encourage me. When I am sad or worried, I miss his voice and his hand on my head.
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Hi MIA56 hope you managed to get some sleep. Sorry J still unwell. It’s at times like this that you wish you could go & have a chat with our mams. I hope today when you visit that there is a difference for the better . You look after yourself . Remember you not superwoman. Thinking of you & sending ((((hugs)))). Xx
Hi @ margherita hope you are well. Has anything changed or happened at your end. The weather here is horrible I’ve never been over the doorstep today. Yesterday was gorgeous now it’s back to winter. I have started a diet this week I’m wanting to lose weight for the wedding . I have put a few pounds on since looking after OH . It’s like we see to there every need & don’t look after ourselves. So needs must. . I’m determined I’m gonna lose a stone if not more .OH is still in bed as I write this. Yesterday he was sat in the garden even though I thought it wasn’t warm enough really . I didn’t say anything too him as he would have just lost it with me . I’m not really sure if he will even go to daughters wedding because he hates been told what to wear . When our son got married 2 years ago he caused trouble he had a sleep after the reception then started arguing he hadn’t had anything to eat. He called our daughter all horrible names then said he wanted to go home. So by then it was early evening I brought him home & went back . Just hoping we don’t have a repeat this time. It might sound horrible & selfish but I’m hoping he doesn’t go as then I won’t be worrying all the time. He wasn’t at granddaughters christening because I said to him about having a shower & I put out his clothes. He just started with his potty mouth. So I said r you going or not he said no so that was it. I went on my own without him. Quite used to it really I do most things on my own & have done for years. He just takes all the enjoyment out of all family get togethers. End of rant & breath. What would we do margherita if we cudnt share our rants . Take care my friend speak soon .xx
Hi MIA56,
My thoughts and love are with you,you're right when they are ill they are poorly old people and all the misunderstanding of this illness disappears, take care of yourself and by the way I speak and ask for help from my mum most days even though she's no longer here ....it works for me ..much love xxxxxx
I do hope he won't take part in your daughter's wedding , since he would only spoil your happiness.
I am used to do most things on my own, too, and I like it.
My husband has been quiet for some time, maybe because I never contradict him. To tell the truth, I try to speak as less as possible to avoid misunderstandings and arguments.
He has also started to stay more in the garden, doing some gardening, which he likes a lot.
Good idea that of losing weight. Why don't you join the thread "Slimming Club"?
Since I am under house arrest , I am looking for comfort food , maybe to counterbalance frustration.
Take care of yourself and enjoy planning your daughter's wedding
Love xxxx
Hi @margherita hope you well. Yes I’m hoping too that he doesn’t go to the wedding as I know what will happen. I know it might sound horrible to others on here saying that however can do without all the upset especially on such a special day. I’m the same as you I am so used to doing everything on my own . Have had to do this otherwise my life would mirror his. I avoid also the confrontations by not asking him questions as he just looses his temper & then there is an argument however sometimes I can’t help myself . I will be glad when the weather gets warmer as he will be in garden . Not doing much as I have it all to do now as he isn’t capable. His limit is putting a few bedding plants in. I do the rest. Yes I will have a look at the Slimming club thread Thankyou for that. I finished my 3 days of military diet & I have lost 5lbs. So I am really pleased. I too just comfort eat but we are doing ourselves no favours are we. I just need now to be sensible with food the 4 days I am off diet. Well I have to go to shops have both munchkins today till Mam finishes work & it’s a horrible day again foggy rain & cold. I was going to walk if it had been fine but no chance in this so car it is. Hope you have a peaceful weekend margherita will speak to you soon. Take care . Love A. xxx
What a day yesterday omg. Decided to go so SIL she lives 2hrs away from us so haven’t been very much while the weather was horrible. She also has vas, dementia / alzheimers but she is more advanced than her brother my OH. Managed to get OH up & set off just after lunchtime. We arrived there early so because I said we wouldn’t be there until 3pm I called off at shopping complex. Got her flowers & also got a soft drink for us plus a pastry for OH. He was sat in the car eating it when he started choking & I mean choking it was really bad I rushed around his side tried to get his legs on the floor so I could help him . I thought he was never going to get up whatever was stuck . Then eventually this massive piece of pastry just came out of his mouth. I had been thumping his back for at least 5 mins before this . It really shook him up. We carried on to SIL but he was really shook up & even more off balance than normal. He had a really restless night must have been up about 4 times through the night. I’m now beginning to wonder if it’s starting to affect his swallowing I’m gonna keep an eye on that or was this just a one off . His sister from last we saw her which is a few months has lost loads of weight. She is now very breathless & has water around the heart she goes for a scan Friday next to find out more. The two of them were chatting away after he settled down both going over the same story every 5 mins. Lovely to see her , her daughter was there so We managed to have a chat while they were talking /repeating she however said her Mam had had numerous falls & was not good at all. I could see that she just looks skin & bone. So was a stressful day by the time I had driven home my head was battered what with the choking episode & the stories been on loop . Just chilled the rest of the night. Today I would think he won’t be out of bed till really late as trying to keep up the host mode with his sister takes its toll as it does with her.
Hi @margherita hope you well & hows things with you. X MIA56 hope J has improved since last you posted & hope you are managing to get some sleep take care. X Hi longlostfan how are you doing , you will have had your escape day yesterday away from it all for a few hours .x Speak soon you all take good care of yourselves. I hope today is a better one than yesterday. Love A. Xxx
Hi @margherita hope you well & hows things with you. X MIA56 hope J has improved since last you posted & hope you are managing to get some sleep take care. X Hi longlostfan how are you doing , you will have had your escape day yesterday away from it all for a few hours .x Speak soon you all take good care of yourselves. I hope today is a better one than yesterday. Love A. Xxx
Hi @Beads , what a frightening experience. I think my husband is starting to have swallowing problems, too. Nothing serious, but food or drink often go down the wrong way and he starts coughing.
He is rather quiet these days, but I can't contradict him...
Besides he often complains and is irritated if I speak to him in too loud a voice, but how can I do? He is getting a bit deaf and I often have to repeat.
I have to tell things three times at least.
The first time he doesn't hear. The second he hears, but doesn't understand. The third time, at last, he can both hear and understand.
Apart from his bad memory, what strikes me more is the decline of his reasoning.
Yesterday I had a long chat on the phone with SIL (OH's sister) and she told me she had noticed his poor reasoning when she had visited on Easter day.
Tomorrow is our 9th wedding anniversary. I am sure he won't remember and I am not going to tell him.
There is nothing to celebrate.
Yesterday he was complaining we haven't been on holiday for a long time, but I swore I would never go anywhere with him after he had spoiled a longed-for holiday in London.
Dear friend, take care of yourself because , as we know, nobody cares for the carer
XXX
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Beads not something you would wish on your worst enemy. I am new to caring as my wife was diagnosed with Moderate (?) Alzheimer's just a couple of days ago, so any advice I could give would not be appropriate. Keep strong, keep friends near by and good luck.
Hi margherita, Your OH has this problem aswell then .Yes my OH is profoundly deaf I have to repeat myself.Im glad your SIL picked up on his reasoning or lack of because when family don’t see them often & they are in host mode they seem to think everything is hunky dory. So he hasn’t been able to bluff his way round that I’m glad that happened . As sometimes it can make us carers look like we are exaggerating. It’s so maddening they put on such a front don’t they . Oh bless you margherita regardless Happy wedding anniversary for tomorrow I know you will be like myself we really have nothing to celebrate . I know the dreaded holiday sagas are a nightmare . I just wish OH would willingly go to day centre & then he could possibly progress to respite. It isn’t a holiday is it & as you say yours was spoiled you would have enjoyed it better with one of your friends. However your OH like mine are not reasonable to even contemplate us carers needing a well needed break . Yesterday SIL daughter asked me if OH went to any day centre or did I have respite arranged . It’s absolutely impossible he is in denial & wouldn’t even talk about it. So what can we do? i am always reading up on dementia & the swallowing difficulties which can happen in moderate to advanced dementia is called Dysphagia. Says it is quite common in frail elderly people . Which my OH definitely is. OH is constantly clearing his throat plus he rushes his food & crams it in his mouth. All these are signs of swallowing & chewing problems. He has been up & had lunch & now gone back to bed. Keeping up as we call it host mode with his sister has left him drained . Only a few words spoken when he was having his lunch. I noticed as soon as he went upstairs to the bathroom he was coughing & clearing his throat. We just don’t know what is next do we just aswell really . Speak later my friend . Love A. Xxx
Hi SS nice to see you have found our Grumpy thread we are a friendly lot & welcome also. No you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy at all. Oh so your wife has just been recently diagnosed sorry to hear this . Keep posting you will find good advice on here & whether it be a question or a rant we are never judged. So many of us in similar situations it’s uncanny . Look after yourself because as we say no one looks after the carer we are forgotten about . Thankyou also for taking the time to comment.
I think I read this on TP: It is difficult/painful/exhausting to make decisions for others, especially ones that are unpopular with them and even with us! The weekend weather has changed so yesterday and today we have had our robes on! It rained all day yesterday but today the sun is shining. OH got up late in the morning and rode in his wheelchair to the front door. Opened it up and looked out and appeared to be settling in. I asked him to close the door or take his robe off. I had visited a counselor a few months ago that reminded me to make sure he had his dignity, even if he wasn't aware of keeping it. We have a "walking neighborhood" and the sidewalk is a few feet from our house. It is close enough that we speak to those who walk by. I felt like at 9:30 a.m. he should either be dressed or secluded inside (which is where I am!). He was extremely disturbed by my comments regarding what he wanted to do (what's new?) and I always second guess myself.
@Beads-I had a friend that choked on a strawberry and I had to do the Heimlick maneuver on her. She was hoarse for a few days afterwards. That may be why he's clearing his throat today.
Thanks for allowing me to vent!
@Beads-I had a friend that choked on a strawberry and I had to do the Heimlick maneuver on her. She was hoarse for a few days afterwards. That may be why he's clearing his throat today.
Thanks for allowing me to vent!
OMG to all of us. The blows come fast and furious. @Beads what a time you’ve had, that must’ve been so awful to deal with the choking fit and frightening for everyone. How do you cope with it all......silly question, cos you have to like all of us, but still. I admire you for being able to think of dieting though of course you want to for the wedding.....I should also lose weight but for comfort’s sake fall by the wayside. And I do hope fervently that your OH doesn’t throw any spanner’s in the works. They are so unpredictable but always predictable insofar as you know that you have to tiptoe around just in case .......hells bells. And poor MIA too, I really again just don’t know how you cope with everything that’s being thrown at you.....upsetting, frightening and sad. Well I can only hope that something can carry you through all of it, and if wishes were horses.....well we’d all be in a different place. Bless all of you who have posted on here.....and now for my addition?..
Had to get the paramedics out for me as I had this terrible attack of vertigo and nausea, thought I was having a stroke or something. Could barely talk on the phone, luckily managed to get hold of my son who was out as OH wasn’t able to deal with any of it, apparently it could be labrythitis or a particular kind of vertigo. I couldn’t walk or balance and am still not right. OH of course forgot about all the dramatics within a few hours. Son has been taking care of things but he was beginning to pick himself up and get on with his life and now once more is thrown back into this worry. Anyway I am hoping to feel better soon, but being a carer for OH with AD and labrythitis don’t mix well at all. Have had friends pop in to cheer me up which is nice. I asked OH to put the rubbish out tonight and had to tell him repeatedly which bin to take out, I just can’t ask him to do anything now so when I can’t function it’s scary. We carers are definitely the underclass when it comes to any real help aren’t we.
So, everyone......what can I say? Thank heaven for this forum and anyone just joined us feel free to rant away. We will all listen and commiserate. Bless you all xxxxxx
Had to get the paramedics out for me as I had this terrible attack of vertigo and nausea, thought I was having a stroke or something. Could barely talk on the phone, luckily managed to get hold of my son who was out as OH wasn’t able to deal with any of it, apparently it could be labrythitis or a particular kind of vertigo. I couldn’t walk or balance and am still not right. OH of course forgot about all the dramatics within a few hours. Son has been taking care of things but he was beginning to pick himself up and get on with his life and now once more is thrown back into this worry. Anyway I am hoping to feel better soon, but being a carer for OH with AD and labrythitis don’t mix well at all. Have had friends pop in to cheer me up which is nice. I asked OH to put the rubbish out tonight and had to tell him repeatedly which bin to take out, I just can’t ask him to do anything now so when I can’t function it’s scary. We carers are definitely the underclass when it comes to any real help aren’t we.
So, everyone......what can I say? Thank heaven for this forum and anyone just joined us feel free to rant away. We will all listen and commiserate. Bless you all xxxxxx
Some days ago a read a post about making decisions for our PWD. We should always decide to do what they need, not what they want. Unluckily, most decisions are, as you say, "unpopular"
Hi @longlostfan nice to hear from you. Oh I’m sorry you not well with vertigo . It’s like we have said in the past we carers can’t afford to be ill as no one takes care of the carer. I hope today you are a little better. Not good having to care for OH when you have that. Good job at the minute that your son is with you. Hopefully when you are well he can get on with his life again . We all got a lot going on at the minute as you say we just have to get on with it got no choice have we. I’ve often wondered what would happen if ever anything happened here OH wouldn’t have a clue what to do . He is useless with the phone & worse with mobile. It’s so funny isn’t it OH is in kitchen reading papers / looking at them. His brother just rang me on moby to ask how he is so I said I will put him on. Of course he has been like a dying swan now on the phone talking like normal ,laughing , . Host mode even on phone . Finished his call he is back to grumpy with face like a you know what. I honestly sometimes think they work there tickets with us carers . As I’ve said before anyone on the outside coming in think what the hell is she talking about he is fine. Does your head in doesn’t it. He hasn’t got the mence to even speak to me if I didn’t speak. Gotta rush away gonna pick granddaughter up from school & drop her little friend off. You look after yourself longlostfan will post in a couple of days to see how you are . Sending (((hugs ))) your way love A.xxx
Ah @Beads thanks so much for the hugs. Am finding it quite hard not being able to walk properly or do much of anything for fear of losing my balance but it is slowly improving so am hoping that continues. Know what you mean about the host mode, maddening isn’t it. OH keeps asking me to go out for short walk, he’s completely forgotten events of last few days of course........it’s left me with a shorter fuse than usual as it’s no good asking him to do anything. I asked him to get his breakfast today and he was completely unable , was looking in the freezer for the cereal and unable to realise what a bowl was, but if anyone visits he goes into good old host mode and chats away just like yours. Lol! Enjoy your granddaughter, so glad she brings you joy, that’s great ...... I treasure my kids, my friends and my cat. Speak soon xx
