tansywoo

Registered User
Nov 21, 2022
73
0
I lost my lovely Mum in August to Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. She was diagnosed in 2019 and it was so sad to see her struggle. This year she really went downhill until she was on end of life care from early August. Dad and I sat by her bed every day in the care home, but she never really woke up from her hospital release. I feel so down and upset. I feel I haven't been happy for four years. I have memories of my Mum everywhere in our town. I dream about her, where she is hugging me which is lovely, but I wake up crying and feel miserable all day. I have no enthusiasm for anything, I'm lacking energy, don't really want to do anything. I left my job in June because new people took over and I couldn't cope with the change and also everything with Mum and Dad to deal with. My sister never helped with Mum and Dad and was abusive to me when I asked for help. I feel I've lost her as well. On top of all that I'm analysing myself because I'm worried about getting dementia, even though I know I shouldn't worry about that because I'll make myself even more down. My husband is supporting me, but these thoughts are in my head all the time. Just really awful.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,296
0
South coast
Im so sorry to hear about your mum. Please accept my condolences

It only happened a few weeks ago and you are in the early stages of grief when everything is raw and your emotions are all over the place.

I think everyone who has cared for someone with dementia wonders whether they are getting it too, but in your case any "symptoms" will almost certainly due to grief. It occupies so much of your mind that there isnt any room for others things, so they are easily forgotten.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself space to grieve - dont feel you have to "get over it" in the space of a couple of months
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
 

tansywoo

Registered User
Nov 21, 2022
73
0
Im so sorry to hear about your mum. Please accept my condolences

It only happened a few weeks ago and you are in the early stages of grief when everything is raw and your emotions are all over the place.

I think everyone who has cared for someone with dementia wonders whether they are getting it too, but in your case any "symptoms" will almost certainly due to grief. It occupies so much of your mind that there isnt any room for others things, so they are easily forgotten.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself space to grieve - dont feel you have to "get over it" in the space of a couple of months
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you for your kind words.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
1,905
0
South West UK
Yes @tansywoo , let me echo what @canary has said. You are in the very early stages of grief, and your emotions will be buzzing about like mad. Grief takes it time and toll on different people in different ways, and you will do that in your own way and time . There is no set rule. It's horrible and some days will eventually be better than others..
I do feel for you, and wish you the strength to get through this difficult time.
 

tansywoo

Registered User
Nov 21, 2022
73
0
Yes @tansywoo , let me echo what @canary has said. You are in the very early stages of grief, and your emotions will be buzzing about like mad. Grief takes it time and toll on different people in different ways, and you will do that in your own way and time . There is no set rule. It's horrible and some days will eventually be better than others..
I do feel for you, and wish you the strength to get through this difficult time.
Thank you. It is hard to feel positive about things at the moment. I worry about my Dad too. He keeps his thoughts deep and doesn't talk about how he's feeling. He's being brave on the face of it. It's all so sad. Nothing seems normal.
 

195

New member
Oct 7, 2023
3
0
I can relate to this. My mum was diagnosed aged 55, she’s now 57. You said you wasn’t happy for four years, that’s how I feel now. I’ve still got my mum at the moment but I feel like I can’t live happy knowing that she isn’t and that she’s only going to get worse. I feel like I’ve been grieving since she was diagnosed.

In a strange way I look forward to the day that she can rest in a peace. I love her to bits and can’t see that living with the illness is any way of life. I hope you can feel some warmth knowing your mum is likely in a better place and no longer suffering. I’m sure she is up there feeling your warmth and love and she’s very proud of how you supported her.

Also, I think we all worry we’re getting it after seeing our loved ones with it. I’m 28 and often suspect I have it however in reality the stress we go through is the most likely cause of the symptoms.

I believe that time heals everything so just give yourself time to grieve and know that it will get easier. I hope things only get better for you now. Take care.
 

tansywoo

Registered User
Nov 21, 2022
73
0
I can relate to this. My mum was diagnosed aged 55, she’s now 57. You said you wasn’t happy for four years, that’s how I feel now. I’ve still got my mum at the moment but I feel like I can’t live happy knowing that she isn’t and that she’s only going to get worse. I feel like I’ve been grieving since she was diagnosed.

In a strange way I look forward to the day that she can rest in a peace. I love her to bits and can’t see that living with the illness is any way of life. I hope you can feel some warmth knowing your mum is likely in a better place and no longer suffering. I’m sure she is up there feeling your warmth and love and she’s very proud of how you supported her.

Also, I think we all worry we’re getting it after seeing our loved ones with it. I’m 28 and often suspect I have it however in reality the stress we go through is the most likely cause of the symptoms.

I believe that time heals everything so just give yourself time to grieve and know that it will get easier. I hope things only get better for you now. Take care.
Thank you. It's really hard isn't it. In my Mum's last few weeks, I wanted her to stay with us, but I didn't want her to suffer. She was such a lively, happy and vibrant lady and to see her unconscious and not eating, drinking or interacting with us was absolutely awful . I'm sorry that your Mum is going through this at such a young age and you are young to have to deal with this. Even though your Mum may not be the person she was, please make the most of her while she is here. I spent as much time as I could with my Mum. It was difficult and heartbreaking, but looking back I'm really glad I did. Take care of yourself and make sure you have time for yourself too.