Thank you for your lovely messages and the PMs too. This morning, I was looking out, into the garden, when 8 or 9 robins appeared, and started doing a dance, more or less in a circle, flying from one side to the other. I have never seen more than 2 or 3 together.
It made me laugh, and when their little show was over, and with the sun shining, I felt peaceful and uplifted. I'm not going to start getting myself ready for an hour or 2, as there's no need. I have requested that everybody else goes straight to the Crematorium, and my daughter and family will be arriving about half an hour before the cortege is due.
Whereas my Mum looked lovely in the Chapel of Rest, 20 years ago, and my Dad, 30 years ago, didn't look too bad, I was in and out yesterday in under a minute. John looked like a very poor waxwork of himself, and reminded me of a family holiday, decades ago, when we went to an exhibition called something like "Brian" Tussauds.
"Elvis" was only recognisable, because of his sideburns and white jump suit and John said he looked more like Prince Charles! And yesterday, John looked smart, but not like John at all. I came out and I told the children it was best to remember their Dad the way he was, so I just handed over his unopened birthday cards to go in his coffin.
The first of the flowers arrived, "DAD", and I was glad the children could see them. And now, I have forgotten the face I saw in the Chapel of Rest, and it has been replaced in my mind by the John I loved.
If I forget any of the Eulogy, it doesn't matter, but I will try. I can do this. I will do this. And I'll make John proud.