Going down

[bemused1]

I was hoping the hot weather was responsible for ohs problems.But it would seem not. Getting him up in the morning is supervision every step of the way.
Mobility is also going downhill at an alarming rate. The ot have been so good. We have got him to agree to turning the living room into a bedsit, for a new profiling bed for him and they are looking for ways to move him from there to the bathroom- not so easy in a small house with a husband who weighs 20 stone!.
I feel guilty about the way I had to manipulate him to get agreement. I had to put the idea in his mind that he was doing it all for me and it would make my life easier. I've tried all our time together not to emotionally blackmail him (first wife was a star at this) but I feel like this is exactly what I am doing. But it did make him agree to things he fought tooth and nail to avoid.
It will only get worse

 

[Noorza]

There is a huge difference between emotional blackmail and using whatever skills you have to enable your husband to stay in his own home for as long as humanly possible.

One is done with selfishness in mind, the other is selfless.

 

[Grannie G]

I totally agree with Noorza , bemused. You are not doing anything which is not in your husband`s best interests.

 

[rajahh]

Telling Gordon I needed to stop caring for him prompted him to offer to go into a care home !!!!

This is the truth it is not being manipulative.

You are doing the same thing, You NEED your husband to accept more help ,I cannot imagine having to physically help a 20 stone man Gordon weighs 8 stone and when he nearly fell off a walker with a seat on Thursday I struggled to hold him up.

You are just facing reality and that is what I try to do

Love Jeannette

 

[jeany123]

You did right Bemused, my husband tells everyone that we moved into a bungalow because Jeany couldn't manage the stairs, he still says "aren't you pleased I got this bungalow for you it's easy to look after", he also says "aren't you pleased I asked go to the day centre so you could have a rest while I'm out" ,


Jeany x

 

[bemused1]

Thank you everyone. Its hard to accept when someone cannot make decisions for themselves and you have to be manipulative to get for them what you, but not they, know what they need .( What a convoluted sentence that was!)

And its reassuring to know that other people have tackled things in the same way

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Hi Bemused1, Dad has stopped eating and is very difficult with taking medication. I became so distressed because he wouldn't open his mouth for them that I started crying. I begged him to please take his tablets otherwise I would be so worried. Despite a huge loss of insight and reason he relented and took them to help me. Afterwards I felt terrible, like I had used emotional manipulation to get him to take them.

I was so glad he took them, but saddened by what I did to get him to take them, even though it really wasn't deliberate.

I hope your dad can feel more comfortable about his blood tests and I agree a female might help. Dad has lived with a wife and 2 daughters, he responds much better to female voices than males.

Stephanie, xxx