driving

[LAP]

July 8th was the date my husband's 1 year driving licence expired. I completed all the necessary forms to, in his eyes, let him continue to drive, whilst I am praying that they refuse him a licence.

At his visit to the consultant, I did say that he had driven through red lights, turned right at a roundabout but didn't go around it, drove up the wrong lane of a dual carriageway etc. At this the consultant said he could not support his application to renew his licence. So, from early July, according to the 1988 road traffic act , when the consultant said this, we advised him to stop driving until he heard from the DVLA.

To state that he is annoyed is an understatement. However, yesterday he received a letter from Swansea stating that due to the amount of medical assessments they are having to do, it will be at least 12 weeks before a decision is made.
Today, John told me that a man from the DVLA rang him up and said he could drive, so tomorrow he is going to. This illness is horrendous at times, he is quite convinced that he took this phone call and is adamant about driving.

A couple of weeks ago I hid his keys. Lets hope he forgets this conversation tomorrow with a bit of luck, because when I drew his attention to the letter stating no decision had been made he flew into quite a rage.

Sorry to go on and on, but this driving business is really getting to me.

 

[malomm]

Get somebody to disable the car. Cut a wire, disconnect the battery, but do something for his own safety and that of other road users.
keep smiling,
malomm

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[LAP]

Can you check on your phone for a list of incoming call numbers to see whether he might actually have had a phone call? I understand that it is usual for the DVLA to allow the person to continue to drive while their licence is under review, but it seems unlikely that they would ring him up - horrendous isn't it, certainly in these circumstances. I'm not sure what you can do, apart from hide the keys again, and hope he's forgotten all about it by tomorrow.

Hi Piph
Thanks for the telephone tip, gosh I never thought of this and yes our telephone did tell me. No phone call from Swansea!

According to the last email from DVLA when I was checking up on the length of time it was taking, they stated that from the 1988 road traffic act there were 4 areas which allowed him to continue to drive after his licence had expired and he had applied for a renewal within the last 12 months. Gp and Consultant had to support his application. No arrests within the past months etc.

When we saw the consultant I asked him if he had had a form from the DVLA to complete. I told him about the driving mistakes John had made in the last 3 months and he said the magic words from my point of view, that he could not support his driving application. This meant that the road traffic act kicked in. To make sure I asked my daughter to double check, she is a police officer, although to be frank if she wasn't in this job I would have asked the neighbourhood police to have a word with him. I explained to John that he should stop driving until a decision was made, because of course if he did have an accident a] he is committing a criminal offence by driving without a valid licence and b]he would not be insured. Anyone's worst nightmare.

He is totally furious and will not let the conversation die, more is the pity. Keys are in my wardrobe so he will never find them.
He does blame me for all of this but time will tell, I am getting quite good at "not listening" when he is ranting and raving.

 

[pamann]

Well done Piph be strong, l hid my husbands keys when he was not fit enough to drive, although he has a licence l told him he wasn't allowed to drive due to the Alzheimers he did take it quite well kept the car in the garage for a year, then we sold it, l know some me get very angry when they can't drive, how awful if you husband had a nasty accident you would never forgive yourself. Keep hiding those keys ♥♥♥

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[LAP]

Get somebody to disable the car. Cut a wire, disconnect the battery, but do something for his own safety and that of other road users.
keep smiling,
malomm


Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app

Unfortunately I need to drive the car , virtually on a daily basis now, which of course is what John would have done. I have a 97 year old father who is being treated for heart failure [ he still drives in his village and quite safely] who lives 20 odd miles away and I also child mind my 4year old grandson approx. 2 days each week depending upon my daughters shifts. Actually it is Alexander who keeps me sane!

Its wonderful seeing a young mind develop isn't it.

Tomorrow I am going to a Carers meeting for the first time, so looking forward to 90 minutes off !

The gentleman who lives at the back of our garden has invited John to join him and a few of his friends, for their day out on Wednesday. First day off in 3 years. I have to laugh because I have Alexander all day [school/ nursery holidays].
Possibly it will be the first and only day they invite him. I don't think Peter realises how much we, as carers have to keep an eye on our spouses.

My daughter is going to speak to John tomorrow about this business of driving.

Watch this space.

Cheers for the help. Thank goodness for this site.

 

[Jinx]

LAP when my husband was in hospital earlier in the year, after another mini stroke, we were told that he should no longer drive. It was left to me to break the news to him and it didn't go down well. In reality he hasn't driven much for the past 3 years since writing off his own car. But I can literally say that he has brought it up every day since. He thinks he committed an offence and the police have taken his licence, I've told him over and over that it's due to his health and that he could cause an accident and injure himself or other people. He asks our GP nearly every time we see him and gets the same answer. He does remember that he isn't allowed to drive and hasn't tried to take the car but I wish he could let it drop, it's driving me mad - sorry for the unintended pun! I really sympathise with you.


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[Pickles53]

This is such a tough issue that I'm glad mum never learned to drive and maybe I'm not entitled to comment. But I feel about this the same way as I did when I got the gas cooker disconnected. Mum was distraught about that, but she kept leaving it on unlit and the risk to the neighbours as well as to her made it clear to me that I couldn't put her wishes first.

Otherwise I would have felt I was ignoring a ticking time bomb and would never have forgiven myself if someone else had got hurt.

 

[ali p]

I agree that doing something covertly to disable the car would be for the best. please remember that its not only his safety but that of other road users.

 

[Countryboy]

I don’t understand why a person should get so uptight what another is doing , my wife has been advised by the cardiac unit that she shouldn’t drive for at least a month , now that’s nothing what so ever to do with me she must make her own decision and face the consequences if there are any, as for myself with dementia for 15 years I have never been told not to drive by any G’P or Consultants I was only told by my Consultant I must inform DVLA of my dementia diagnoses

 

[jeany123]

I don’t understand why a person should get so uptight what another is doing , my wife has been advised by the cardiac unit that she shouldn’t drive for at least a month , now that’s nothing what so ever to do with me she must make her own decision and face the consequences if there are any, as for myself with dementia for 15 years I have never been told not to drive by any G’P or Consultants I was only told by my Consultant I must inform DVLA of my dementia diagnoses

Tony when your wife drives again she will no doubt be a very good driver so it has nothing to do with this thread as Lap is writing about someone who sounds very dangerous on the road,
Anyone would be uptight if their spouse was in danger of killing themselves or someone else,

 

[Countryboy]

jeany123 I know exactly what you're saying there are possible hundreds of drivers on our roads who are dangerous however the point I always stress is,, not every person who has a dementia diagnoses is incapable of driving or doing anything they did previously living a full active life and their certainly not dangerous I have dementia myself I have been through this driving situation for 15 years now, I’m not alone hundreds of people with dementia still drive well , regards my previous reply my wife’s situation what I was saying it’s nothing to do with me if she take advice from the hospital or not,, it's definitely nothing to do with her what I do or how I live my life we are individuals and responsible for our own actions

 

[jaymor]

Tony I don't think for one moment anyone is saying dementia sufferers should not drive. My husband managed to drive well for four years. Then he became unsafe. You have been driving for 15 years after diagnosis, that's great, proves all sufferers progress differently. My husband driving for 4 years and you driving for 15 years does no prove that other sufferers can too.

LAP has every right to fear that her husband can no longer concentrate or process how to drive carefully. Going through red lights is so dangerous, turning right at a roundabout and not going round it again could have been catastrophic.

You are right there are hundreds out there who should never sit in a car let alone drive one but that does not say because they do, we have to turn a blind eye when our loved ones are no longer safe to drive.

Loosing your independence is heartbreaking and I think that all carers would want their cared for to drive for as long as they can. I am nearly 70 and love to drive. I have no fears of distance, motorways or heavy town traffic. I passed my test at 22. But there will come a day when I know I have had enough and I will give up. Then a new adventure for me, out will come my bus pass and I will enjoy bring driven and it will be free.

Non of us would presume to tell someone we do not know to stop driving but the person we live with and know then yes we are entitled to say something if they need protecting from the dangers they are putting themselves in and others and they are in denial.

Long may you continue Tony, you give hope to so many that this diagnosis does not mean the end of the world and you can live well with dementia.

Take care

Jay

 

[Chocolateear]

My husband is waiting a decision

July 8th was the date my husband's 1 year driving licence expired. I completed all the necessary forms to, in his eyes, let him continue to drive, whilst I am praying that they refuse him a licence.

At his visit to the consultant, I did say that he had driven through red lights, turned right at a roundabout but didn't go around it, drove up the wrong lane of a dual carriageway etc. At this the consultant said he could not support his application to renew his licence. So, from early July, according to the 1988 road traffic act , when the consultant said this, we advised him to stop driving until he heard from the DVLA.

To state that he is annoyed is an understatement. However, yesterday he received a letter from Swansea stating that due to the amount of medical assessments they are having to do, it will be at least 12 weeks before a decision is made.
Today, John told me that a man from the DVLA rang him up and said he could drive, so tomorrow he is going to. This illness is horrendous at times, he is quite convinced that he took this phone call and is adamant about driving.

A couple of weeks ago I hid his keys. Lets hope he forgets this conversation tomorrow with a bit of luck, because when I drew his attention to the letter stating no decision had been made he flew into quite a rage.

Sorry to go on and on, but this driving business is really getting to me.

I can understand what you are going through. My husband had his license revoked because he mentioned that he had a shunt fitted for his NPH. He's recently reapplied but I don't think he should be driving but dread him losing his license permanently. When it was revoked he flew into a rage and stormed out of the house. He has been calm the last couple of weeks waiting to hear the outcome of his appeal but talks about nothing else.
He shouldn't drive because he drives at cyclists and his perception of distance, speed etc is awful.
I hope things improve for you

 

[jaymor]

I can understand what you are going through. My husband had his license revoked because he mentioned that he had a shunt fitted for his NPH. He's recently reapplied but I don't think he should be driving but dread him losing his license permanently. When it was revoked he flew into a rage and stormed out of the house. He has been calm the last couple of weeks waiting to hear the outcome of his appeal but talks about nothing else.
He shouldn't drive because he drives at cyclists and his perception of distance, speed etc is awful.
I hope things improve for you

This is one of the hardest hurdles to get over. When driving becomes a problem we have to remember that for them to be behind the wheel where concentration, perception and memory are all compromised it is a recipe for disaster maybe death.

I would hate to be told I could no longer drive and how frustrating it would be. Unfortunately we the carers have to suffer the fall out and it is always our fault. Hopefully your husband will soon come to terms and hopefully forget.

Belated welcome to the forum and look forward to seeing you posting.

Jay

 

[malomm]

Well, along this Via Crucis that we are all walking, one good thing occurred that made my job as carer a bit easier. At her 80th. birthday, my wife decided off her own bat, that she would not renew her licence, because she no loger felt confident driving. Up to that point she had been an excellent driver, but was beginning to find the required concentration a strain. I was happy she came to this decision, because I was beginning to think the time had come that I would have to make it for her.
keep smiling,
malomm

 

[Chocolateear]

This is one of the hardest hurdles to get over. When driving becomes a problem we have to remember that for them to be behind the wheel where concentration, perception and memory are all compromised it is a receipt for disaster maybe death.

I would hate to be told I could no longer drive and how frustrating it would be. Unfortunately we the carers have to suffer the fall out and it is always our fault. Hopefully your husband will soon come to terms and hopefully forget.

Belated welcome to the forum and look forward to seeing you posting.

Jay

Thank you. It's great to find this forum. I went to my GP yesterday because my husband's condition varies so radically from hour to hour and I just needed to see if I could get some support. All he could offer was sorry and there is nothing I can do, so I'm glad I've found you.
I'm trying to get answers about the progression of untreatable NPH in a long term Type 1 Diabetic but it's like beating my head against a brick wall.

 

[Pickles53]

Thank you. It's great to find this forum. I went to my GP yesterday because my husband's condition varies so radically from hour to hour and I just needed to see if I could get some support. All he could offer was sorry and there is nothing I can do, so I'm glad I've found you.
I'm trying to get answers about the progression of untreatable NPH in a long term Type 1 Diabetic but it's like beating my head against a brick wall.

Another GP who's just not interested?

 

[Chocolateear]

Another GP who's just not interested?

Yes. I wish I hadn't gone and I won't go again. I went because I owe it to my husband as his full time carer to look after myself.
I had a TIA last year and an unexplained collapse ( I fainted because I'm so tired) a couple of weeks ago.
It would be easier to get an audience with The Pope than get a straight answer from the medical profession.
I read a lot and having been a teacher of children with SEN I use my strategies to help my husband, but I don't understand why it has to be so hard to get answers to questions.
We were told by the Neurologist initially that we were on an SOS system and if there were any significant changes they should know, but you have to get a referral from your GP and if he doesn't agree the changes are significant then you're stuffed.

 

[ASH74]

Yes. I wish I hadn't gone and I won't go again. I went because I owe it to my husband as his full time carer to look after myself.
I had a TIA last year and an unexplained collapse ( I fainted because I'm so tired) a couple of weeks ago.
It would be easier to get an audience with The Pope than get a straight answer from the medical profession.
I read a lot and having been a teacher of children with SEN I use my strategies to help my husband, but I don't understand why it has to be so hard to get answers to questions.
We were told by the Neurologist initially that we were on an SOS system and if there were any significant changes they should know, but you have to get a referral from your GP and if he doesn't agree the changes are significant then you're stuffed.

I would ring the consultants secretary for advice....they are usually really helpful. Failing that I would return to the GP or write to him if it easier stating you were advised by the consultant to get referred back if there were any changes....these are the changes....Also if you have the same GP tell him how the changes are impacting on your health.

Dealing with my FIL's dreadful GP I totally appreciate the frustration. Assertive persistence is the way to go....best of luck.




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[jaymor]

Thank you. It's great to find this forum. I went to my GP yesterday because my husband's condition varies so radically from hour to hour and I just needed to see if I could get some support. All he could offer was sorry and there is nothing I can do, so I'm glad I've found you.
I'm trying to get answers about the progression of untreatable NPH in a long term Type 1 Diabetic but it's like beating my head against a brick wall.

Hi have you looked on the web site www.shinecharity.org.uk . If you put NPH in the search box top right there is some information. Not sure if it will be if any help but worth a look.

Jay