Thank you for your beautiful wordsDear @DesperateofDevon
No you are not a freak. I have a memory which does both for me. To cut a long story short me and mum found ourselves at a loose end one windy autumn afternoon. Leaves were falling from the trees and on a whim me and mum spent 30 odd minutes trying to catch them. Utterly failed, ended up holding each other and laughing out loud. I remember the laughter then I feel the pain of her loss. Pre Dementia memory. How can such a vibrant person be totally gone.
I recently read that we can honour our lost loved ones by living a full and positive life. I try to hold onto that thought but in all honesty in my low moments it just feels like empty words.
I have read your recent posts and you have my deepest empathy. I mostly met with kindness and professionalism from health workers, but clearly this is not universal. Please accept my apology on behalf of others who do not seem to appreciate the harm they are doing to others. Maybe one day their turn will come, or that of a loved one and they will learn at that moment what caring really is about. We can live in hope.
Yesterday was a good day for me, today another crushingly low one. I suspect mum’s illness and the circumstances of her death will never fully leave me emotionally. But each autumn falling leaves will give me a bitter sweet memory. Please take care in future. I truly hope one day Desperate of Devon can perhaps become Calm of Devon. My very best wishes.
- we lost Dad in December 2019 & he loved Christmas . The lights & time to connect with family . Living my best life is how I try to live my life , it’s the best way to honour a loved ones memory …. & yes being the best version of yourself is at times impossible . I feel like a human yo-yo at times. Yes the ache of loss is their lurking always in the back ground , but I can remember Dad & his joie de vie & smile , laugh even at times . During the stressful times dealing with accessing care for Mum I feel that gut punching loss again.
it seems that when you love & are loved so completely & unconditionally that the other side of that coin is the feeling of loss, bereavement, the grief .
At times I feel I have my life balance back for a while & then I spiral down again. So I now view life like a computer & reboot ! Does it work ? Not really but I feel as if I am actually trying to do something positive