Hello everyone. My username is my Dad's handle for himself, so thought it would be (in)appropriate, just like he is.
Dad has vascular dementia and possibly Alzheimer's too. He was formally diagnosed in 2021 but has had an earlier diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment since 2018 and symptoms of dementia for a fairly long time. Dad has always imagined himself to be much younger than he really is and actually, minus the dementia, he is pretty fit for someone coming up for 85. Which makes it all the more difficult to care for him.
Because he doesn't see himself as old, he never made any plans for his old age, bar signing PoA for me and my brother. He hasn't saved any money for care or made his house safer/more accessible. I acquired a disability 7 years ago and so now we have a situation where his main carer and main person enacting the PoA is me, a wheelchair user. Dad's house isn't wheelchair accessible and I can only get inside with difficulty and preferably with the help of someone else (usually my husband). My husband and I both work FT and we have a primary school aged child too.
Dad's insistence on travelling around on the buses and trains is now becoming dangerous. He repeats the same journey over and over, seemingly forgetting he's already been. He will be out for 7-8hrs without eating and drinking but despite having 3x care visits a day, he refuses to accept anything they hand him to eat and he is often not at home. We can't make him stay still. He has got minorly lost on his travels but got home via taxi when a bus driver rang me, saying Dad didn't know how to get home. He goes out trying to buy newspapers at all hours of the night, sometimes three or four times, triggering the monitored door alarm. The alarm people ring me and so my husband and I are getting little sleep at times.
Social services and his GP have been utterly useless. They believe all the **** he says about how he cooks meals and goes to do XYZ on his travels. Based on the tracker we have on his phone, he just rides around on the public transport but doesn't stop at a destination often or for more than 10-15mins. He seems to forget why he's left the house frequently, often to be seen leaving on the Ring doorbell but then returning within a few minutes, only to set off again a short while later. Repeat this several times before he actually goes somewhere.
Dad refuses all attempts to provide care, is rude and belligerent with the carers and expects me to pick up the phone and solve the crises he finds himself in, without question. Social services don't seem to care that a disabled woman is expected to be wholly responsible for a difficult man with dementia and my brother, although he tries, doesn't understand how hard it is for me, either physically or mentally.
I'll stop now because I'm waffling, but this is me and my family's story.
Dad has vascular dementia and possibly Alzheimer's too. He was formally diagnosed in 2021 but has had an earlier diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment since 2018 and symptoms of dementia for a fairly long time. Dad has always imagined himself to be much younger than he really is and actually, minus the dementia, he is pretty fit for someone coming up for 85. Which makes it all the more difficult to care for him.
Because he doesn't see himself as old, he never made any plans for his old age, bar signing PoA for me and my brother. He hasn't saved any money for care or made his house safer/more accessible. I acquired a disability 7 years ago and so now we have a situation where his main carer and main person enacting the PoA is me, a wheelchair user. Dad's house isn't wheelchair accessible and I can only get inside with difficulty and preferably with the help of someone else (usually my husband). My husband and I both work FT and we have a primary school aged child too.
Dad's insistence on travelling around on the buses and trains is now becoming dangerous. He repeats the same journey over and over, seemingly forgetting he's already been. He will be out for 7-8hrs without eating and drinking but despite having 3x care visits a day, he refuses to accept anything they hand him to eat and he is often not at home. We can't make him stay still. He has got minorly lost on his travels but got home via taxi when a bus driver rang me, saying Dad didn't know how to get home. He goes out trying to buy newspapers at all hours of the night, sometimes three or four times, triggering the monitored door alarm. The alarm people ring me and so my husband and I are getting little sleep at times.
Social services and his GP have been utterly useless. They believe all the **** he says about how he cooks meals and goes to do XYZ on his travels. Based on the tracker we have on his phone, he just rides around on the public transport but doesn't stop at a destination often or for more than 10-15mins. He seems to forget why he's left the house frequently, often to be seen leaving on the Ring doorbell but then returning within a few minutes, only to set off again a short while later. Repeat this several times before he actually goes somewhere.
Dad refuses all attempts to provide care, is rude and belligerent with the carers and expects me to pick up the phone and solve the crises he finds himself in, without question. Social services don't seem to care that a disabled woman is expected to be wholly responsible for a difficult man with dementia and my brother, although he tries, doesn't understand how hard it is for me, either physically or mentally.
I'll stop now because I'm waffling, but this is me and my family's story.
