Peter, you are again overwhelmed with guilt for something that is not of your making and certainly is none of your fault. When you put life into perspective, any disease, life threatening illness, life altering circumstance be it accidents, Alzheimer’s, dementia, strokes, heart attacks, Parkinson’s, Motor Neurone etc, along with mental health problems, anxiety etc,. are certainly not ‘inflicted’ or brought on to one individual from another. How do you think you, as one individual, loving husband for many years could ‘make’ or want this to happen to Bridget. How could anyone ‘make’ illness, disease etc,. happen to another person Peter, absolutely no one on this earth holds that kind of power. Millions and millions of people throughout history and throughout the world live each day the best they can with whatever life is given to them. We pray to the Lord for life, for perfection, for nothing ‘bad’ to happen, no illness, war, famine, starvation, poverty but whatever happens this is the life the Lord has given us and we have to live our life the best we can under whichever circumstance occurs. Life is tough Peter, our world is tough and has been since the beginning of time every individual can only hope and pray to do their best , their utmost for their loved ones, family, people they know, people they meet, are yet to meet , whom they will never meet. You are but one , achingly trapped in your own hell at present but nothing and no one will be trapped this way for evermore. It will pass, it will change - your life will be altered forever but you will eventually get through this. This is your present, as was yesterday and maybe for many tomorrow’s but certainly not forever Peter. Live a life Peter, your life as best you can at present. You do have a future, just changed from how you thought.
My prayers xx