• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Dementia’s journey

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
877
0
Great news that the operation was successful, even with the extra bit gone . Hope you take time and recover well, an operation is always a big thing in my mind. Take care, Bridget is safe, concentrate on yourself!!
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
797
0
Yes, you must rest and do whatever the surgeon says. If you do too much and this leads to a slower recovery this will not be good for either you or Bridget. My husband’s surgeon told him that people are often impatient and start going back into the office or exercising too soon and are then surprised that this causes problems with the hernia repair.

Look after yourself and be patient.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
75,859
0
Kent
Get well soon @Dutchman. I hope the worst is over.

1642070714056.png
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Yes, you must rest and do whatever the surgeon says. If you do too much and this leads to a slower recovery this will not be good for either you or Bridget. My husband’s surgeon told him that people are often impatient and start going back into the office or exercising too soon and are then surprised that this causes problems with the hernia repair.

Look after yourself and be patient.
 

Old Flopsy

Registered User
Sep 12, 2019
311
0
Wow 'part of you taken away that you didn't anticipate'- lets hope that you still have your sense of humour! Wishing you a strong recovery.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
You know what, I’m in so much pain after this operation that in many ways it’s all I can think about, never mind worrying about Bridget. How priorities change! The only place I’m really comfortable is lying in bed so it looks like that’s where I’ll be for the remainder of the day. At least this phone keeps me in touch with the world. Just waiting for the pain killers to kick in😫
Thanks once again for all your kind messages. Means a lot❤️
 

Andy54

Registered User
Sep 24, 2020
159
0
You know what, I’m in so much pain after this operation that in many ways it’s all I can think about, never mind worrying about Bridget. How priorities change! The only place I’m really comfortable is lying in bed so it looks like that’s where I’ll be for the remainder of the day. At least this phone keeps me in touch with the world. Just waiting for the pain killers to kick in😫
Thanks once again for all your kind messages. Means a lot❤️
Hello Peter, I found when I had my hernia repair that days 2 & 3 were the most uncomfortable, after that it got a little easier each day. Getting in and out of bed or a chair were the most difficult. Although hernia repairs are considered a simple routine procedure by the medics you have to remember that you have had abdominal surgery and it does take time to heal. Best wishes Andy.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Hello Peter, I found when I had my hernia repair that days 2 & 3 were the most uncomfortable, after that it got a little easier each day. Getting in and out of bed or a chair were the most difficult. Although hernia repairs are considered a simple routine procedure by the medics you have to remember that you have had abdominal surgery and it does take time to heal. Best wishes Andy.
Thanks @Andy54. A little hernia support group!😆
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
I suppose one of the worse parts of recovering at home and isolating is that I’m doing it on my own, when before, Bridget would be fussing around me. It’s bad enough missing her in the normal times and now she’s slipping away from me and that’s additional upset. Can’t see her till next Friday ( if the homes Covid free) and even then I doubt if she’ll even acknowledge me as before.
Sometimes I think I’ve so much on my plate I’ll choke.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
It amazes me how other people manage with the emptiness within their lives once their PWD goes into care. I feel washed out and miserable and even though Bridget can’t respond to me as her loved one anymore I can’t come to terms that that part of my life is slipping away.

I would presume that Bridget is in a world where nothing existed before the care home whereas , for me, Bridget is all my existence and even that is becoming what used to be.

I’ve lost my wife and loving companion to dementia, Covid is forcing isolation on us both and I’m feeling wretched with this post operation pain.
I’ve only got this Forum to unload so forgive my outpourings of feeling sorry for myself
 

Stacey sue

Registered User
Jan 24, 2020
117
0
I like you find it so very hard to come to terms with, my husband has deteriorated and I find myself questioning whether I can have him home.I just want him home,although he isn’t there, just physically. What an awfull disease. Your not alone Peter. x
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
I like you find it so very hard to come to terms with, my husband has deteriorated and I find myself questioning whether I can have him home.I just want him home,although he isn’t there, just physically. What an awfull disease. Your not alone Peter. x
Hello @Stacey sue. One thing I do know is that Bridget is better off at the home than back here with me and me trying to do everything. In a perfect world she would be compliant, I would cope marvellously and everything would fall into place.
To have her sitting here back on the sofa, lying next to me in bed, just the companionship would be bliss. It’s been over 2.5 years now and even before she left she refused to know me, love me, care for me. But I want her love still and that’ll never go away so I’m destined to be unhappy for a whole lot longer.
Right now, in the quiet of our rooms I know what you must be going through. It’s 8pm and hopefully soon I can sleep away another few hours.
Peterx
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
I’m not sure who will see this but at least I unload my thoughts which are bothering me badly tonight.

The combination of me and Bridget both isolating has meant by this Friday I won’t have seen her for over 2 weeks. I feel I’ve abandoned her and I really believe her days are limited going on her general appearance. I need to spend as much time with her as possible but I can’t. I’m actually frightened to see her because of what she’ll look like and I’ll be reminded of what she’s become. Is that so wrong?
Every day I go through this mill . Each day I agonise over what might be and how I miss her and our old life together.
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
797
0
You have not abandoned Bridget. Isolation and recuperation from your operation were forced on you. If you are used to seeing Bridget almost every day then it might be a shock seeing her after a couple of weeks with almost fresh eyes. I think that it’s natural to have a mixture of feelings when you visit someone in the later stages of dementia. You want to / need to see him/her and s/he is still your spouse / parent / aunt / uncle / grandparent etc but, at the same time, it’s horrifying to see how diminished s/he has become.

If Bridget took a sudden downturn I’m sure that the care home would let you know.

Concentrate on your recovery. I hope that the pain of the operation is easing now.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,757
0
74
Devon, Totnes
You have not abandoned Bridget. Isolation and recuperation from your operation were forced on you. If you are used to seeing Bridget almost every day then it might be a shock seeing her after a couple of weeks with almost fresh eyes. I think that it’s natural to have a mixture of feelings when you visit someone in the later stages of dementia. You want to / need to see him/her and s/he is still your spouse / parent / aunt / uncle / grandparent etc but, at the same time, it’s horrifying to see how diminished s/he has become.

If Bridget took a sudden downturn I’m sure that the care home would let you know.

Concentrate on your recovery. I hope that the pain of the operation is easing now.
Thank you so much @Violet Jane. Sometimes I think I’m just so weak and unable to stand up to this battle with grief and longing. But for the past 30 odd years we’ve had each other for comfort and support and it’s not easy to face all this on my own. I know you know all this and it’s got be expected but the daily grind of getting through the day, just getting up, just bothering to eat, well it’s wearing and tiring.
I thought this period of enforced recovery would be something I could accept but it’s so difficult knowing she’s just 20 minutes away and I can’t go there.
In bed now and hopefully I’ll sleep
Thanks again ❤️
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
629
0
Hi @Dutchman i was telling the counsellor today that I feel robbed of my life. Someone has burgled me and they will never be caught. This is not the life I wanted and I feel so let down. Again, it’s not till it happens to you that you truly understand, and I now know the pain of all you describe. Everyone tells me what they think I want to hear, how well I did with him, etc, and I see their lips move, but I cannot process the words. I have been robbed of a relationship I loved, and I will never get anything like that back, and it’s very sad. I’m lucky I have 2 daughters and a dog, but none of them are a substitute for being a couple, and doing couple like things, and it’s unbearably sad.