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Dementia’s journey

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
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Devon, Totnes
I hope that the hernia repair goes well on Wednesday, Peter. Please make sure that you follow the surgeon’s advice about what you should and should not do afterwards so that you make a swift recovery. Be aware that you might have a problem with constipation afterwards (my husband did) and so get stocked up with laxatives!
Thanks for the advice👍
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
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74
Devon, Totnes
Things are conspiring against me this morning to rock my sanity.

Bridget has Covid and is isolated in her room till she receives a negative result. She won’t understand and I can’t help. I’m supposed to be isolating myself prior to an operation next week so I can’t even visit wearing full PPE but that would freak her out anyway. So I’m indoors helpless and know I know what it must be like for others on their own in isolation.
I think about her in bed not understanding. I think about today and all of next week not seeing her. And she might get worse.
These could be awful days ahead.
 

Andy54

Registered User
Sep 24, 2020
162
0
Hello Peter, difficult as it might be I think you need to concentrate on your own needs for the next week or two so that you are fit and well for when you are able to visit again. Bridget will probably not be aware that there is a longer interval between your visits and you should be encouraged by the fact that she is not showing any symptoms, she will be safe and well cared for in your absence. This may seem odd but although I still worry about Deb I'm finding I feel less guilty about not visiting than I would if I missed a visit under normal circumstances, probably something to do with not having the choice.
Best wishes Andy.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,783
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74
Devon, Totnes
Hello Peter, difficult as it might be I think you need to concentrate on your own needs for the next week or two so that you are fit and well for when you are able to visit again. Bridget will probably not be aware that there is a longer interval between your visits and you should be encouraged by the fact that she is not showing any symptoms, she will be safe and well cared for in your absence. This may seem odd but although I still worry about Deb I'm finding I feel less guilty about not visiting than I would if I missed a visit under normal circumstances, probably something to do with not having the choice.
Best wishes Andy.
Andy hi.
You are right of course. It’s very difficult but why wouldn’t it be!
The fact that my choices are limited does in fact ease my mind a little. The one thing I find difficult to comprehend is that Bridget is not going to miss me the same as I miss her. I still haven’t come to terms with her living in a world where time appreciation is so different.
In fact I find many things difficult when it comes to dementia.
Thanks again for the advice👍
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,783
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74
Devon, Totnes
Good advice from the home as well. Just give thanks that Bridget is here and not in hospital as that would be frightening for her. God I miss her so much and I’m completely in the hands of other people.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
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Devon, Totnes
So Bridget is Covid positive and I’m not allowed in the home till at least another 8 days. This will be the longest period we’ve had away from each other in over 30 years.

The thing is that I very much feel still married to her and she remains the biggest part of my life. I know that realistically she can’t enter my world but I still consider us to be a couple but torn apart by dementia.
You don’t have to be a famous philosopher to know that we strongly desire a loving connection with someone, to be someone special to someone. I miss those connections and that’s why I fool myself, when I visit, that she still wants me and needs me. Living on my own is so tiring mentally apart from the sharing of physical chores.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,083
0
Kent
I fool myself, when I visit, that she still wants me and needs me.

She does @Dutchman even if she is unable to show it. More importantly, you still need her.

What you have is better than what those of us who have lost our partners have. Please don`t wait for this to happen before you appreciate it.
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
854
0
Peter, you need to focus on your own health now as you’re having an operation in two days time. You will be no good to Bridget if you don’t make a good recovery or make a slower recovery than you should have. Have you stocked up on food, toiletries, basic medication (eg Paracetamol or Ibuprofen) - and Laxatives in case they are needed?

Why not buy some postcards (and stamps), write a short note to Bridget on each and ask your daughter or a friend or neighbour to post one each day while you are recuperating. You could give the full set of cards to the person before your operation if you don’t want him/her to have to keep coming round.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,783
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Peter, you need to focus on your own health now as you’re having an operation in two days time. You will be no good to Bridget if you don’t make a good recovery or make a slower recovery than you should have. Have you stocked up on food, toiletries, basic medication (eg Paracetamol or Ibuprofen) - and Laxatives in case they are needed?

Why not buy some postcards (and stamps), write a short note to Bridget on each and ask your daughter or a friend or neighbour to post one each day while you are recuperating. You could give the full set of cards to the person before your operation if you don’t want him/her to have to keep coming round.
That’s a brilliant idea. I’ll sort that out and send them. Thanks
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,783
0
74
Devon, Totnes
Thanks everyone for support ( after this I won’t have to wear one!😆). I’ll get back to everyone when it’s all over and I’m back on form. ❤️
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,783
0
74
Devon, Totnes
To all my fellow posters. All went well with the hernia operation, although a part of me was taken away that I didn’t anticipate ( nor the surgeon) as there were complications. It won’t impact on my life, just a shock. I’ll clarify with him in 6 weeks at the post recovery consultation.
In many ways I’m relieved that I can’t go to see Bridget as we are both now isolating. Absence, obviously won’t make the heart grow fonder. Just have pick up from before where we left off and hope for the best.
Love to you all and thanks for all your kind messages❤️👍
 

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