I desperately need to get some respite on a regular basis and we have been looking at day centres but I have the awful feeling that my OH will think he is not 'like the people there' and refuse to go. Has anyone else had this issue and what did they do?
My OH is 73 and has always been judged (by colleagues/friends etal) as younger than he actually is, while he has slowed down quite a lot since dementia reared its ugly head, his is still quite good physically. No memory of recent events to speak of, and conversation is limited as he can't really follow a conversation anymore, has lost the concept of most things, That is, he doesn't think this is our house (of 35 years), he has no concept of time/date, can't always identify me, no idea of places, countries etal, can't remember where the children are/live, thinks he is still working etc., can't do his medication, get dressed find his bedroom, toilet, doesn't remember to eat/drink, can't in any way prepare his own food............
I am quite a bit younger than my OH so I still look after my young grandchildren on a regular (but not daily) basis, and enjoy looking after my large garden and now looking after the house, car etal since he can no longer do anything. For years, I have been doing and have taken on the responsibility of the household and could discuss with my OH things but for at least the last 6 months, this is no longer the case and I have stopped trying to involve my OH in any decisions or discussions as it becomes more of an issue - I just inform him if someone is coming to do something at the house. I know many of you will have also gone through this transition too.
He has started to wander - yesterday was at the local train station and thankfully seen by someone on the platform (unmanned weekends) and somehow they talked him out of going to Scotland (we live in Southern England) and he came back home. The police later came by to see if he had made it home and if he was OK. This is the second visit from the police in 10 days - in the 1st he said he had gone out (before I woke up) and saw a person/animal on the road and called the police as he thought it was dangerous - he 'sees' people and/or animals all the time - in the house, garden etc.
Last night I caught him driving one of our cars on the drive (I have now confiscated and hidden his keys - had already moved mine from the usual place they ere kept) earlier in his illness he had a 'thing' about his car keys and kept checking them, making sure he had them but knew he couldn't drive the car just kept making sure his keys were 'safe'.
There are not many places that will take him so getting him into one (or two) day centre's a couple times a week won't be easy, then if he refuses to go I don't know what I will do as I can not do 24/7 anymore, I need to get some life back.
I have things I need to do and cannot spend all day every day keeping OH safe and entertained, he cannot be left on his own, if I go away (even if only to the garden) for more than about 20 mins now (if that) he either goes out or phones someone or (as last night) drives the car. OK can't do that again as I have the keys now, but my point is I can't even go out to water the plants as he doesn't remember where I am and then does something he shouldn't as I am not there to talk him out of it.
So any advice - I have avoided talking about 'day centre's' and have instead said it is somewhere to get a good lunch and visit with people (he has always been social and likes socialising) - we are seeing one this am and it was suggested I say we are going to a lunch club.
My OH is 73 and has always been judged (by colleagues/friends etal) as younger than he actually is, while he has slowed down quite a lot since dementia reared its ugly head, his is still quite good physically. No memory of recent events to speak of, and conversation is limited as he can't really follow a conversation anymore, has lost the concept of most things, That is, he doesn't think this is our house (of 35 years), he has no concept of time/date, can't always identify me, no idea of places, countries etal, can't remember where the children are/live, thinks he is still working etc., can't do his medication, get dressed find his bedroom, toilet, doesn't remember to eat/drink, can't in any way prepare his own food............
I am quite a bit younger than my OH so I still look after my young grandchildren on a regular (but not daily) basis, and enjoy looking after my large garden and now looking after the house, car etal since he can no longer do anything. For years, I have been doing and have taken on the responsibility of the household and could discuss with my OH things but for at least the last 6 months, this is no longer the case and I have stopped trying to involve my OH in any decisions or discussions as it becomes more of an issue - I just inform him if someone is coming to do something at the house. I know many of you will have also gone through this transition too.
He has started to wander - yesterday was at the local train station and thankfully seen by someone on the platform (unmanned weekends) and somehow they talked him out of going to Scotland (we live in Southern England) and he came back home. The police later came by to see if he had made it home and if he was OK. This is the second visit from the police in 10 days - in the 1st he said he had gone out (before I woke up) and saw a person/animal on the road and called the police as he thought it was dangerous - he 'sees' people and/or animals all the time - in the house, garden etc.
Last night I caught him driving one of our cars on the drive (I have now confiscated and hidden his keys - had already moved mine from the usual place they ere kept) earlier in his illness he had a 'thing' about his car keys and kept checking them, making sure he had them but knew he couldn't drive the car just kept making sure his keys were 'safe'.
There are not many places that will take him so getting him into one (or two) day centre's a couple times a week won't be easy, then if he refuses to go I don't know what I will do as I can not do 24/7 anymore, I need to get some life back.
I have things I need to do and cannot spend all day every day keeping OH safe and entertained, he cannot be left on his own, if I go away (even if only to the garden) for more than about 20 mins now (if that) he either goes out or phones someone or (as last night) drives the car. OK can't do that again as I have the keys now, but my point is I can't even go out to water the plants as he doesn't remember where I am and then does something he shouldn't as I am not there to talk him out of it.
So any advice - I have avoided talking about 'day centre's' and have instead said it is somewhere to get a good lunch and visit with people (he has always been social and likes socialising) - we are seeing one this am and it was suggested I say we are going to a lunch club.