Day by day

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear, hubby is convinced that one of our neighbours has told him that she can arrange for him to be put in jail for 70 years. This has been ongoing, along with other stories, for about a month.
No matter how much I tell hubby that she cannot do that and that I will look after him he just does not believe me. He has been going on and on for over two hours now and I am just so mentally tired.
We have an appointment at the Mental Health Unit next week and I really hope that they might consider some anti anxiety meds to see if they will help.
I know that I have things easier than some but this is getting to me.

 

[Epsi]

That sounds really tough.
It's tricky as its late but in the day time I sometimes say "lets continue this chat in the car/garden/other room" and I will 'spot' a bird/person walking by/ cloud.This does not always work.
could you text someone and get them to call you to break the chat? all things to try another time maybe? apologies if you try these already.
The mental health unit must have an idea of how to help with this stage.
x

 

[lollyc]

Good morning everyone, I haven't been on the site for a while due to events I'm sure you all are familiar with, but I just wanted to thank you for your contributions. They help me enormously. I replied to Jennifer by mistake re suggestions about Golf for Dementia, so sorry about that, but I have emailed the company approximately on3-4 weeks ago and disappointingly did not receive a reply. Our eldest son is Captain of his Golf Club this year and has said the company approached them and it's before the committee as I write, so watch this space. Unfortunately there isn't one in my area. There are so many contributions on this page that I identify with, we all seem to be at the same level re our OH in this dreadful disease, and yes I also hate it. I am going to try Men's Shed for him and although he is definitely not a DIYer he does like talking which is becoming more difficult for him but company may help. He doesn't' have He has Vascular Dementia and nightmares effect him too, usually in the early hours of the morning, and are very stressful as they are rarely happy and like someone shared when this happens he doesn't want to live. Well he doesn't want to live most of the time. He has always been the cup half empty person always looking at the bottom line whereas I'm a cup half full unless I am stressed about something and I can't sleep and tremble, palpitations etc. Hubby's dementia has progressed and his confusion is more apparent and more frequent. He holds his hands together shaking, mumbling "somethings wrong" but can't determine what is wrong. It's distressing to witness and my heart bleeds to see this lovely man who held down a responsible position, being subject to a terrible disease of which there is no cure. He doesn't deserve that.
There are times like yesterday when he had a good day so we went out for lunch but he gets very tired. I have said before that he sleeps for England and at one time I would be very upset by this but now I just think when he's asleep he is not dwelling on his illness and being confused etc. His nightmares are not every day now as seem to have settled down to a couple of times a week. Like others he has a few problems with his waterworks and has on occasion not quite managed to get to the loo. He wears tena pads due to a prostate operation years ago, and hasn't been able to control his bladder very well since. Dribbles.
He's never rude or aggressive so I'm grateful for that.
Thank you for letting me share as I don't see many people so it's lovely to unburden myself.

@NaughtyNana , I can't help with the golf, but I live quite near you.

Prior to covid, Mum attended various activities in Chesham , Amersham ,Wendover ,Prestwood and Berkhamsted. I'm not sure how they are operating now, but would be pleased to give you details, if that's of any use?
Although I don't have personal experience, I did know of a gentleman who went to a Men in Sheds group in Aylesbury, which he really enjoyed - especially as it's not a dementia club and he was amongst "normal" people.

 

[SeaSwallow]

That sounds really tough.
It's tricky as its late but in the day time I sometimes say "lets continue this chat in the car/garden/other room" and I will 'spot' a bird/person walking by/ cloud.This does not always work.
could you text someone and get them to call you to break the chat? all things to try another time maybe? apologies if you try these already.
The mental health unit must have an idea of how to help with this stage.
x

Thank you @Epsi I have tried lots of distraction techniques and none seem to work. When trying some he has even accused me of patronising him.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hubby not great today, slept most of the day, just got up for meals. Told me this morning that I was a useless wife and that one of our friends wanted to put a spell on him. Then he seemed to come round a bit and said he was just confused. He also said that he knows he is getting worse, I think that this awareness is hard for him, and me as it is hard to see him so distressed.
I told him about the Queen dying and he seems to have forgotten. This from a man who always took an interest in what goes on in the world.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear, it’s only seven in the morning and I have been asked the same question about ten times. Trying to get out of this loop by distraction but not working so far.

 

[Grannie G]

I can only sympathise and identify with you @SeaSwallow

Would something on the television or a favourite DVD work?

 

[SeaSwallow]

I can only sympathise and identify with you @SeaSwallow

Would something on the television or a favourite DVD work?

Thank you @Grannie G YouTube did the trick eventually. My heart goes out to him sometimes because I can see in his eyes that he knows that he has asked these questions before. ?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Just a bit cross, Social Worker was to call me today regarding assessment for two breaks per week for me, so needless to say I wandered about all day with my phone glued to my side. But no call. Hopefully tomorrow but not holding my breath.

 

[jennifer1967]

Just a bit cross, Social Worker was to call me today regarding assessment for two breaks per week for me, so needless to say I wandered about all day with my phone glued to my side. But no call. Hopefully tomorrow but not holding my breath.

they are a pain when they dont call back. its actually stressful waiting as well. hope they call tomorrow

 

[SeaSwallow]

they are a pain when they dont call back. its actually stressful waiting as well. hope they call tomorrow

I am not holding my breath, still waiting for the carers voucher which was promised way back in May.

 

[SeaSwallow]

I suppose like a lot of carers I do not go into a deep sleep. I heard hubby get up and go into the living room about an hour ago. This is never a good sigh. I went and asked him if he was OK and he said no because I was always horrible to him and did not care for him.
We had had a lovely afternoon wandering about the garden, and even sitting down with our coats on just relaxing and chatting. Same in the evening, favourite meal and more chat.
And then this, it’s so hard to deal with these mood changes.
Update, just checked hubby to see he was not getting cold, he is watching a documentary about the boxer Ali and is as happy as can be. Just told me I am wonderful, the best wife ever as I took him a blanket to keep him warm. Oh the joys of dementia.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hubby did well, watched the coverage of the Queen’s funeral for about two hours, then asked me if it was OK to go to bed. That sort of made me sad that he felt he had to ask me. Was a bit confused when he woke up but OK now, just tired.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hubby is having a conversation in his sleep about problems he is having with his car. Apparently it’s not serious and will only cost £200 to fix. Well thank goodness for that!!!!

 

[jennifer1967]

Hubby is having a conversation in his sleep about problems he is having with his car. Apparently it’s not serious and will only cost £200 to fix. Well thank goodness for that!!!!

mine says more in his sleep than awake. he can answer the tv when hes asleep

 

[SeaSwallow]

mine says more in his sleep than awake. he can answer the tv when hes asleep

Mine has talks on football, cricket, political issues all sorts.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Just a rant, hubby driving me round the bend every night when it comes to showering. He just will not go for an early shower, then when he does go he is so tired that it starts his legs trembling and he gets upset. I reminded him about an hour ago and he got cross, told me he would have more freedom in a care home and he would go when he likes. Compassionate communication went out the window just then.

 

[jennifer1967]

Just a rant, hubby driving me round the bend every night when it comes to showering. He just will not go for an early shower, then when he does go he is so tired that it starts his legs trembling and he gets upset. I reminded him about an hour ago and he got cross, told me he would have more freedom in a care home and he would go when he likes. Compassionate communication went out the window just then.

oh dear. ive got my husband in a routine that i shower him about 6pm before dinner gets cooking. he is so used to it now that i dont normally get a moan unless hes tired. hes only got to sit on the chair and i do the rest. he says he likes being clean and doesnt want to smell so i emphasize the clean towels, clothes and how nice the shower gel smells. cant always do compassionate communication. not many are saints. trying to steer my mobility scooter, him and me on the bus drives me mad as he doesnt do what i need him to do, walks in front of me and reversing the scooter in the wheelchair space. sometimes one word directions have to do.

 

[SeaSwallow]

oh dear. ive got my husband in a routine that i shower him about 6pm before dinner gets cooking. he is so used to it now that i dont normally get a moan unless hes tired. hes only got to sit on the chair and i do the rest. he says he likes being clean and doesnt want to smell so i emphasize the clean towels, clothes and how nice the shower gel smells. cant always do compassionate communication. not many are saints. trying to steer my mobility scooter, him and me on the bus drives me mad as he doesnt do what i need him to do, walks in front of me and reversing the scooter in the wheelchair space. sometimes one word directions have to do.

I should not really complain, lots of people are a lot worse off than me. In the end he went a 9.30 without any more prompting.
Trying to look after your husband, the scooter and yourself sounds like a nightmare, I really admire the way that you cope.

 

[jennifer1967]

I should not really complain, lots of people are a lot worse off than me. In the end he went a 9.30 without any more prompting.
Trying to look after your husband, the scooter and yourself sounds like a nightmare, I really admire the way that you cope.

thank you. he just steps where i need to go or will stand behind me so i cant move. i call him a door, i cant go round him and i cant go through him!!