Confused and angry

[Skylark/2]

Good evening,
Maybe you have read my recent posts. The last week or so has been very difficult. My OH was convinced our long standing financial advisor and myself were having an affair ( I am 77 with neither time or inclination!), embezzling money, preying on young women. He was so convinced he rang Lloyds bank ( advisor no longer works there) asking to speak to him. He also wrote a vile letter, which I managed to get and hide.
I phoned the CPN and she arranged an appointment with the memory clinic psychiatrist for this afternoon. This morning I sent an email reminding them not to mention my name when talking to my O.H as he is suspicious, angry and aggressive. Guess what the locum psychiatrist did………sat in front of my O.H and read out my emails and asked him questions, I was sitting next to him, not knowing what to say! O.H denied everything I had said in email, psychiatrist then asked me questions, O.H sat there signalling to me to say nothing!
As soon as we left the hospital my O.H ‘s temper exploded, we hadn’t even got in the car! Result, a big argument with O.H accusing me of deliberately painting a black picture of him. I phoned the CPN and told her the psychiatrist had dropped me in it! We now have another appt in 4 weeks time for a further med review. Why oh why didn’t the psychiatrist bother to read my emails re my O.H, so, so annoyed. O.H in complete denial as to how far along the Alzheimer journey he is, thinks his wife of 53 years stabbed him in the back, metaphorical speaking!

 

[Mumlikesflowers]

Is the 'confused and angry' you or your husband or both? It sounds so familiar to painstakingly plan something only to find that someone else didn't get the memo at all. For us, that clingy, paranoid phase shifted as Mum's mind was unable to perform such tricks any longer.

As someone outside of the situation, I'd so like someone in 'patient experience' to hear about this so that they can learn from it, but I find it's harder to do yourself, when you want to have a working relationship with these people. As with most spheres, some people working in this sphere as a specialism, whether dementia or care, can be remarkably unaware and have a misplaced confidence in their own abilities and position that doesn't leave much room for us humble but expert carers.

You had a proper bad day at the office there and I'd be well cheesed off too if I was in your shoes. However, whatever it is, we do have a choice in terms of when we need to let something go, at least temporarily. You did your best. I hope you can park the narrative for now on what happened today, breathe it out and switch off sufficiently.

 

[sapphire turner]

Oh blimey I wish they would read all the correspondence before they wade in! In my experience they rarely do, and we get the backlash.
I have also been subjected to questions when my husband has denied his behaviour- so did this really happen? they ask me 🙈🙀🙈🙀it always ends badly.
In the end I had to say to him that I know he doesn’t want other people to know what’s happening but you really need some help that I can’t give. It helps sometimes!
I don’t know what else we can do other than be honest and truthful but it feels really scary sometimes. Thinking of you and sending love ❤️ xxx

 

[Lawson58]

Good evening,
Maybe you have read my recent posts. The last week or so has been very difficult. My OH was convinced our long standing financial advisor and myself were having an affair ( I am 77 with neither time or inclination!), embezzling money, preying on young women. He was so convinced he rang Lloyds bank ( advisor no longer works there) asking to speak to him. He also wrote a vile letter, which I managed to get and hide.
I phoned the CPN and she arranged an appointment with the memory clinic psychiatrist for this afternoon. This morning I sent an email reminding them not to mention my name when talking to my O.H as he is suspicious, angry and aggressive. Guess what the locum psychiatrist did………sat in front of my O.H and read out my emails and asked him questions, I was sitting next to him, not knowing what to say! O.H denied everything I had said in email, psychiatrist then asked me questions, O.H sat there signalling to me to say nothing!
As soon as we left the hospital my O.H ‘s temper exploded, we hadn’t even got in the car! Result, a big argument with O.H accusing me of deliberately painting a black picture of him. I phoned the CPN and told her the psychiatrist had dropped me in it! We now have another appt in 4 weeks time for a further med review. Why oh why didn’t the psychiatrist bother to read my emails re my O.H, so, so annoyed. O.H in complete denial as to how far along the Alzheimer journey he is, thinks his wife of 53 years stabbed him in the back, metaphorical speaking!

I wonder where this psychiatrist got his training. Rank incompetence. Sounds like what a first day trainee shop assistant would do.

I think I would lodge a complaint if that’s possible. Things never change unless we make a fuss. And you deserve better than that.

 

[Melles Belles]

@Skylark/2
Sorry to hear the appointment turned into such a nightmare. I hope your OH has calmed down today.
could you complain to PALS linked to the Trust the Memory Clinic belongs to?
You do wonder how and when the psychiatrist was trained.