GnT is the best medicine for a Carer. Mind you we are drinking Prosecco this evening
Colin
Won’t be doing this again!
- Thread starter Skylark/2
- Start date
Colin
I'm a bit late with this reply, but having recently returned from a two night 'break' away with my parents at the seaside, I can totally empathise. My mum didn't like anything and was generally objectionable. I'm sad, but think I will stick to day trips out with them from now. I feel particularly sorry for my dad.
Hi @Skylark/2 , I totally understand - we have had so many wonderful holidays in the past, been all over the world but that’s all finished now. This year we have been on 2 cruises and my husband (Alzheimer’s) has ruined them both. Couldn’t cope with the restaurants so we had all our meals in the room, refused to go to most of the entertainments, sundowning and tantrums every day. I couldn’t wait to go home - but once we did, he’s telling everyone how great they were and wants to go again. No way am I booking anything else, ever. When I told him, he couldn’t understand why I am being so unreasonable! I did tell him why but he couldn’t/didn’t want to understand.
IF we go anywhere again, it will be an Airbnb in this country. If I get (verbally) abused it might as well be in my own home where at least I can go into another room or leave the house. I carry my door keys with me all the time so I can come back in!
Yes you definitely can . My husband gulps wine/beer down like water. My drink of choice is either cider or red wine! Cheers, fellow carers!
mine is enjoying outing less and less. only short walk and getting out of the house for short periods. otherwise he is too stressed trying to figure out what he sees, where we are, where did we park the car, everything seems to be a cause to be anxious about. we the carers have to adjust, all the time it seems
bleak. my past too was great. lived in different countries where he worked. going nowhere now, as it is not enjoyable anymore . too much to handle, everything is done by jyst one person which I do not mind, if it is appreciated and beneficial to both. if not, must really accept the reality.
yes, the dog with a bone...know that one so well...is the car insured is the favourite
Good morning @leny connery and @Kath610
Thank you for replying and understanding. We too use to go on lovely holidays. South Africa with its scenery, food, wine , history and safaris was a favourite. We had to cancel our last visit due to O.H gout, then Covid struck, and Alzheimer’s since so ‘ bye Sth Africa. 20 months ago I sorted out a holiday to Miami to see our son and meet our new granddaughter and celebrate my birthday. A disaster, one week into our stay I was trying to find a flight back to the U.K, with no luck! The ’ holiday’ culminated in O.H speaking to head flight attendant when we landed at Heathrow to demand we disembark first as ‘ my wife ( me ) is frightened of flying ( I’m not!) and is seeing green men ‘. I was standing behind O.H looking at flight attendant shaking my head and quietly asking if we could be first off. Fortunately he understood and agreed so we went before first class passengers, everyone! My O.H ranted at me in a loud voice all the way through Heathrow, swearing like a trooper, refused to let me drive home and drove erratically all the way up the M6 to home! As you can guess I am still ‘ scarred’ by the experience!
O.H asks when can we go away every so often ( becomes abusive if I’m nonecommital ) so in May I organised a 2 night break to Paris flying from a local airport. We know Paris v well and apart from not recognising me one morning and him getting annoyed with the ladies at the boarding gate when the flight was delayed on our return, it went o.k! A Good Samaritan recognised my O.H’s agitation and sat talking football with him !
But our horizons have definitely shrunk, in future I think it will be day trips, short self catering breaks in the U.K etc., If I am brutally honest, ( even though I am 77 ) , I resent not being able to travel to far flung place’s anymore.
Apologies, I prattled on longer than intended.
By the way, O.H is STILL going on about the car, when is it going to be fixed, when will it be back, who’s driving it, is it drivable. Over and over!
Pass the Prosecco!!!
Thank you for replying and understanding. We too use to go on lovely holidays. South Africa with its scenery, food, wine , history and safaris was a favourite. We had to cancel our last visit due to O.H gout, then Covid struck, and Alzheimer’s since so ‘ bye Sth Africa. 20 months ago I sorted out a holiday to Miami to see our son and meet our new granddaughter and celebrate my birthday. A disaster, one week into our stay I was trying to find a flight back to the U.K, with no luck! The ’ holiday’ culminated in O.H speaking to head flight attendant when we landed at Heathrow to demand we disembark first as ‘ my wife ( me ) is frightened of flying ( I’m not!) and is seeing green men ‘. I was standing behind O.H looking at flight attendant shaking my head and quietly asking if we could be first off. Fortunately he understood and agreed so we went before first class passengers, everyone! My O.H ranted at me in a loud voice all the way through Heathrow, swearing like a trooper, refused to let me drive home and drove erratically all the way up the M6 to home! As you can guess I am still ‘ scarred’ by the experience!
O.H asks when can we go away every so often ( becomes abusive if I’m nonecommital ) so in May I organised a 2 night break to Paris flying from a local airport. We know Paris v well and apart from not recognising me one morning and him getting annoyed with the ladies at the boarding gate when the flight was delayed on our return, it went o.k! A Good Samaritan recognised my O.H’s agitation and sat talking football with him !
But our horizons have definitely shrunk, in future I think it will be day trips, short self catering breaks in the U.K etc., If I am brutally honest, ( even though I am 77 ) , I resent not being able to travel to far flung place’s anymore.
Apologies, I prattled on longer than intended.
By the way, O.H is STILL going on about the car, when is it going to be fixed, when will it be back, who’s driving it, is it drivable. Over and over!
Pass the Prosecco!!!
Holidays abroad have also come to a stop for us as a couple. The last 3, even though to a location we are very familiar with, were a nightmare for me and not the greatest for OH either, although he told others that he`d had a wonderful time! However, I decided not to abandon my joy of travelling and have a 2 week holiday booked from this Tuesday. When I booked it I got in contact with the Social Services and told them of my intention and requested they put a care plan together for OH pretty smartish. In all fairness they did exactly that, and alongside the care and preparations I have also put in place I have every hope that OH will be as safe as he can possibly be. We will see what we will see but I flatly refuse to care non-stop for 168 hours for 52 weeks without me time when I need it.
@leny connery and @Skylark/2 , I get “This is my car you know “ - he gave up driving over a year ago (thank goodness because his driving had become so bad) we got rid of two of our three cars, kept the most useful one and put it into my name. When I remind him of that, he refuses to believe it.
Same with the house - “This is my house you know, you can get out!” I would love to but again I tell him it’s in joint names.
We are going on our final holiday tomorrow, to a hotel on Mykonos where we have been many times. It was booked ages ago, we know the owner and the staff, they know us and the situation and are very kind to my husband. A good friend is going with us so I am reasonably sure that my husband will behave, at least in company.
Wish me luck! And plenty of good Greek wine will be consumed! Yammas! xx
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Hello there, I know many carers face the same challenges as me but it’s helpful to see it in black and white!
Husband also threatens to kick me out of the house and I’d have to live in the gutter. Also threatens to sell the house, I’ve started replying ‘ go ahead, my name is on the deeds to so I’m entitled to half….not too sure about that but what the heck, it stopped him in his tracks.
I wish you lots of luck and enjoyment on your holiday. Will think of you watching the sun set with a glass of wine in your hand!
@Anthoula has replied that she has booked herself a holiday as she refuses to care 52 weeks a year non stop without some me time. I take my hat off to her and wish I had the guts to do that too……..maybe one day.
yes absolutely. best of luck, have a nice time at least. grab any chance to have a nice break. I would be just so happy if we could just have moments of thowse happy days
Well @Skylark/2 and @leny connery , we made it - having our good long-time friend with us was a godsend. There was anxiety and sulking on both flights -repeatedly asking where were the cases, how much longer.
At the hotel he was everyone’s friend, cheerful and co-operative until we were on our own when sundowning and blaming set in. As usual I organised everything so was criticised for getting it wrong and not keeping him informed.
He was fine with our friend who knows him well and tried to include him in everything we did. He sulked at her once so I told him he could call me what he liked but not to dare to be nasty to her. That seemed to do the trick.
Now we are back home and he tells everyone it was great (which is true), that he wishes we could have have stayed longer (no way, I couldn’t have stood the pressure ) and that we will be going back next year (we will not).
I learned the Greek word for dementia (anoia) and used it a couple of times. Each time there was sympathy and understanding.
woooweee..good on you. it sounds like a success to me, but I do not dismiss the efforts and the toll it takes on you. the blame and accusation sound familiar too. 'you did not tell/inform/involve me..'
I absolutely get it about anxiety whether we have the tickets, the passports, on a train would we miss the stop on and on and on. Also I am amazed how well OH can mask the anxiety and just saves it for me at the end of the day, but it is ok. I was in tears last night and this morning trying ( I know it is futile to try, but..)to convince him I am his wife and not his dead mother, and then when he saw me as his wife he accused me of planning to put him away into a home/loony bin when I told him this is what happened most of the time now. of course he would not , I suppose could not anyway, believe he sees me as his mum, that he insists to sleep somewhere else etc.The I took him to meet a couple of friends for lunch and he was as normal as could be . Now a couple of hours later , he still is in a good mood and is nodding off now in the sofa. it is a roller coaster ride, isn't it, except that it is not fun or exciting. but hey ho! here we go.
I absolutely get it about anxiety whether we have the tickets, the passports, on a train would we miss the stop on and on and on. Also I am amazed how well OH can mask the anxiety and just saves it for me at the end of the day, but it is ok. I was in tears last night and this morning trying ( I know it is futile to try, but..)to convince him I am his wife and not his dead mother, and then when he saw me as his wife he accused me of planning to put him away into a home/loony bin when I told him this is what happened most of the time now. of course he would not , I suppose could not anyway, believe he sees me as his mum, that he insists to sleep somewhere else etc.The I took him to meet a couple of friends for lunch and he was as normal as could be . Now a couple of hours later , he still is in a good mood and is nodding off now in the sofa. it is a roller coaster ride, isn't it, except that it is not fun or exciting. but hey ho! here we go.
I’m sorry you had to curtail what should have been a relaxing break. Is there any way you could organise respite for your husband so that you could have a break somewhere on your own. You need some space from the relentless repetitiveness of it all and no carer should pay the price of sacrificing their healthy years. I don’t think 77 is old particularly if you’re still fit and healthy. My mountain climbing hero Sir Chris Bonington climbed the Old Man of Hoy when he was 80 and I hope I’ll still be enjoying climbing when I get to that age.
Good morning, @Kath610 ,@leny connery and @Firecatcher too.
Inspite of all the tribulations, you managed to have a good holiday. Congratulations and well done. I hope the wine went down a treat!
Totally 100% agree and recognise what you are saying. My O.H is SO abusive when it’s just the two of us but is so affable to others, Jekyll and Hyde. I know it’s’ showtiming’ but I find it annoying sometimes.
As for following in the footsteps of Chris Bonnington……..a view from a hill in the Lake District will do me find.
I fantasise about another holiday in South Africa, I live in hope.
Inspite of all the tribulations, you managed to have a good holiday. Congratulations and well done. I hope the wine went down a treat!
Totally 100% agree and recognise what you are saying. My O.H is SO abusive when it’s just the two of us but is so affable to others, Jekyll and Hyde. I know it’s’ showtiming’ but I find it annoying sometimes.
As for following in the footsteps of Chris Bonnington……..a view from a hill in the Lake District will do me find.
I fantasise about another holiday in South Africa, I live in hope.
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