Recommended thread Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by Grannie G, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    Thank you so much for all the replies X, I hopefully will figure it out a bit better sometime, hopefully soon. At least I have this place to come to and see I'm not alone and and get tips, even if I don't always figure out how to put them into practice straight away.
    Today has been a terrible day starting with mum ringing this morning as I was drying my hair after a shower asking me to go over and bring her to my house because she didn't want to be on her own and was fed up and didn't know what to do with herself and didn't want to do anything, she just wanted me.
    I had planned to go over this afternoon but she wanted me now so I quickly finished getting ready, skipped breakfast and got a taxi over . When I got there spent an hour with mum telling me how lonely she felt and how she just wanted to die because she hated being on her own. Said she knew she put it all on me so would she be better in a home so she had someone to talk to? she wished she had some friends because she was so lonely and didn't want to be in her house and couldn't and didn't want to live with us, interspersed with her getting a bit angry with me a few times that I couldn't offer her a solution. It was so sad to hear her being so low and lonely especially the wanting to die part. i felt utterly useless.
    Then we came over to my house on two buses, she was quite wobbly on her feet and it was quite a journey as she hasn't been on a bus since January and it really wore her out but she wanted to do it so we did.
    We had lunch and a couple of quiet hours watching tv and then around 4ish she stated asking what she would do? where did she live and seemed to have forgotten her house again. Kept asking questions about it and started talking about homes again and this time asked about living with us, but she said we wouldn't want her to and it wasn't fair to hubby either. I said I was worried about her with the stairs and leaving her alone here if we went out, to which she said she wasn't worried about stairs and then an hour later when going up to the loo, she had to stop 3 times on the way up cos she had wobbly legs. I always follow her up and also walk down in front of her now as the last couple of weeks she really struggles with them when shes here.
    She seemed ok for a bit but then after tea when she said it was time to go home she started having a go at me about taking too long getting ready to take her. We were supposed to be going to the inlaws tonight which mum knew about but I had warned hubby I probably wouldn't go if she was unsure when she got home and I might stay with mum till he came home. When we got to mums she was ok about us going but then got confused about us going to doctors for blood tests in morning and if we were coming back tonight to take her so I ended up staying at hers while hubby went. She didn't like that,said she didn't need it but I was pretty sure as soon as we'd have left she would have been ringing our house to check times etc and ask what doing tomorrow which wouldn't have been any good if I was at inlaws.
    For the first half hour or so she kept telling me off and saying I should have gone with hubby, asking why I hadn't so I told her because I wanted to be available to answer her questions about tomorrow, and then she started saying she didn't know what to do why she got confused and would they put her in a home cos she's mental and she wouldn't like it because they aren't nice and didn't want to go in one.
    She did ask a lot of times about tomorrow and had me write down what time we'd be picking her up but she had calmed down a while before hubby came and then said she was going to bed when we left and was just getting ready when I rang to tell her I'm home.
    I should be going myself as have to be up a bit earlier than normal tomorrow for docs but not sure if my mind will shut off. I just wish I could make things better for her
  2. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    @Grahamstown 'becomes a lonely life with another person in the house'
    indeed it does.
  3. Beesbee

    Beesbee New member

    Oct 19, 2019
    Thanks for this information

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