1. totallyconfused

    totallyconfused Registered User

    Apr 18, 2016
    399
    Its hard seeing Christmas everywhere, all the lights etc around town. My sister and I are at home with our mother. Its been such a tough year. We arent looking forward to Christmas. We are thinking of not bothering with a tree and just have a few decorations around the place. People think we are like the grinch though when they visit. They have their own homes and can do whatever they want. Its hard to have energy or want to put up the tree or to to even look at it.

    It will be a quiet christmas, some nice food, a few drinks, and a good riddance to this **** year.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,329
    Nottinghamshire
    I've had a few Christmases like that! To be honest I'm not looking forward to this Christmas either - family politics!
     
  3. Nigel_2172

    Nigel_2172 Registered User

    Aug 8, 2017
    27
    Shropshire
    Don't worry about it - there's a good number of us on here who are thinking exactly the same way.
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    959
    Male
    North West
    Me too. I was hoping I might get one last Christmas in with mum at home. I can't bare to look in the shops or see anything that smacks of Christmas. Its going to be hard couple of months until its over
     
  5. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    224
    Male
    South Northwest
    I've found that Christmas, like most things in life, is what you make it. I did very little for the first couple of Christmases I was here with Mum; partly because it was too much like hard work, and life was tough enough already; partly because they suggest folk with dementia need stability and not too much change.

    But good grief, this time of year is miserable enough without adding to it! So I started putting stuff up a couple of years ago... and instantly regretted it, because Mum was determined to turn our decorations into landfill. The tree got moved and messed with, tinsel got shredded (it was everywhere!) and I'd got most of it packed away again by Christmas Day. Ho, ho, ho!

    Last year I kept it simpler and less fragile. I brought stuff out slowly and if Mum messed with it, I moved to where she couldn't get easily, or put it away altogether. But she left the tree -- mostly -- alone and I put lights everywhere. I am cursed by a bad habit of going to B&M in betweem Xmas and New Year when what's left of their lights are usually about £1.

    The result was a Christmas which -- even when Mum refused to eat Christmas dinner -- felt like Christmas even if I looked like Halloween. And I'll do it all again this year... one sting of (plain white, non-twinkly) lights is out in the garden already, warding off some of the seasonal gloom a few nights a week, and I'll ramp things up as December approaches. No flashing or colours until two weeks before the big day though. A man's got to have standards! :)

    Mum never had much money, but she always used to make wonderful Christmas memories with her carefully collected and preserved tree decs and knack for making things look better than they ought to. I don't share that knack, but the glint of Christmas she saw in our eyes back then is still in my heart somewhere. I owe it to her to keep trying, because if I manage to cheer myself up a little, I'll be a better carer even if she couldn't care less about Christmas any more.

    Of course anything could happen between now and then. Plans need to be more flexible and potentially unfulfilled as a political manifesto. But in the party political broadcast for the 'Do they know it's effing Christmas?' Party I will be promising Quality Street green triangles and Santa visits for all... He can bloody well babysit while we all go out to drink advocaat on a park bench and stare at the stars. Or catch rain in our mouths, which is statistically more likely.

    The spark of Christmas is alive in all of us. You just have to give yourself permission to let it catch light. Just don't burn the house down with too many Christmas lights. Even if you only decorate a Christmas cupboard that you can open up and briefly bask in melancholic memories, do it.
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    I’m sorry folks but I’m really excited about decorating the house! I love Christmas- unlike Mum who is the Grinch where Christmas is concerned!

    the sparkle & twinkle of lights especially on the darkest longest days! I grew up in Mousehole - famous for its lights at Christmas. Something about a coloured lightbulb takes me back to being a kid again!

    so I will sparkle & twinkle away & I to @Andrew_McP am a sucker for a bargain on the fairy lights!!

    Don’t have a surfeit of joy or excitement in my life & im not missing out on my Christmas twinkle!!!!!
     
  7. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    786
    Female
    cornwall
    I’m not doing it!I have told both parents I won’t be seeing them that day(no car)
    Dad will have carers and mum has invited herself to mine..Without asking.My boys will pop down and my daughter will pop up to mine (free food).Im not buying much so she will be out of luck.
    For all my time on earth.55 years I just want to be at home..
    It must be an only child syndrome.
     
  8. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,366
    Female
    South of the Border
    I made a decision about Christmas

    For the last four years it has been a complete misery with himself like he is - I know he can't help it, but there we are. I used to love Christmas, as it included my birthday a few days before - love the dark nights, etc etc

    I phoned his son, and asked could OH got there for Christmas - answer? YES - you need a break.

    I phoned my son and asked could I go to them in Scotland for Christmas - answer YES, we now have a house that is big enough, and it will be your grandson's first Christmas!

    Organisation was very hard work - but I have managed it, and am really looking forward to it immensely !!


    PS - I might not come back from Scotland !!!!
     
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    786
    Female
    cornwall
    I used too love it too.But it has become hard work trying to organise 2parents...It will be so nice to spend it with your son..Hopefully no cooking
     
  10. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,682
    What a brilliant plan. Well done on getting it all organised. Enjoy your time in Scotland.

    Last year was Mum's first in the Care home 200miles away. My husband and I drove up and my daughter came up on the train on Christmas eve and we had lunch out in a restaurant. Mum spent Christmas Day in the CH but they did a lot so she had 2 Christmases. This year my daughter's partner and her new baby are coming up as well but Mum is now refusing to go out so we have booked the family room in the CH. They will provide a buffet . Not quite the same but Mum will get to meet her new Great Grandson . It's the best we can do.
     
  11. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    Two years ago I had a sick husband and a one year old cat and a kitten. We were spending Christmas at my daughter's so the Christmas tree and all the decorations stayed in their boxes safe from my little furry live wires.

    Didn't miss it a bit.

    Last year, we were having everybody over on Christmas Eve, cats were a year older and I know how much my granddaughter loves Christmas so I went all out. The house looked very festive and we enjoyed it.

    This year, we will be at my daughter's again. Now we have three cats and OH won't really care one way or another if there is a tree and decorations. It amuses me greatly that I have been happily decorating my courtyard with lots of fairy lights for the summer evenings and OH has never even noticed them. There are probably several hundred and look beautiful. Some are coloured, some twinkle and others are shaped like snowflakes, stars, spirals and it's been fun.
     
  12. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    181
    Female
    i love this.......
    seasons greetings to you @Andrew_McP



    so I will sparkle & twinkle away & I to @Andrew_McP am a sucker for a bargain on the fairy lights!!

    Don’t have a surfeit of joy or excitement in my life & im not missing out on my Christmas twinkle!!!!![/QUOTE]

    me too @DesperateofDevon I love the lights twinkling and have them all year round in the garden. But christmas is a great time to have them inside too!. :)




    Organisation was very hard work - but I have managed it, and am really looking forward to it immensely !!


    PS - I might not come back from Scotland !!!!
    [/QUOTE]

    well done @maryjoan .......and I can totally relate to that feeling
     
  13. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    715
    Male
    Kent
    This will be my first Christmas without my wife at home.:( She went into permanent nursing care in September and is quite settled and thankfully unaware of her surroundings.

    As the nursing home mainly caters for those clients in the later stages of dementia, with limited or no mobility, I think the day will be very much a case of "business as usual"? So I will go in to see her along with our 2 sons in the morning.

    They have both invited me for Christmas dinner, which is lovely but I have chosen to join friends for dinner at our local pub. My sons are both fine with this and as it is within 15 minute walking distance (maybe a bit longer going home?:D), I won't have to worry about taxis. It will also give me the opportunity to slope off when I've had enough - you can only put on a brave face for so long!:(

    I very much doubt that I will bother with decorations etc this year - too many memories at the moment.
     
  14. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,329
    Nottinghamshire
    This will be my first Christmas I’ve planned without a parent in mind. Dad died the week before last Christmas so, although I’d planned it, we didn’t celebrate. Dad was in a nursing home by this time so siblings had planned to pop in and see him on Christmas Eve as that was when I used to have the big family party. It didn’t happen.

    This year I plan to put the lights up soon - but the tree won’t go up until the week before Christmas. I think I’ll celebrate with my kids and our friends this year.
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    959
    Male
    North West
    I'm in the similar frame of mind, but have nowhere to go on Christmas day so I will go and sit with mum in the CH for Christmas dinner. There won't be any decs or lights this year, which is sad but there's not much point and besides I can't think of that right now.
     
  16. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,653
    Well I didn't think dad would make last Christmas (cancer) and here he is still with us. I have all but moved in with him anyway since March and Christmas will be the same as the last 5 or 6 years with us spending it with dad. Strange dinners with me and my husband having some kind of roast, my son will be with us for dinner and he will bring his own chicken tikka masala (lucky kid) and dad will have scrambled egg and smoked salmon because he has to have runny food (cancer again) then I will tell the lucky kid to scram and have some fun while the rest of us watch quiz programs on TV I will probably consume too much wine and dad will spend the day asking if it was Christmas yesterday or is it tomorrow.

    Yep good riddance to another year gone. I can't get interested in Christmas any more it's just another milestone now.
     
  17. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    526
    Female
    High Peak
    Just a little idea for those who struggle to keep trees in one piece or just don't have room: you can buy a big Christmas Tree poster to affix to a wall or door. Very cheap, quick and easy and makes a surprisingly big impact :)

    Available on eBay and elsewhere... (and doesn't drop needles :D)
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    Enjoy!! xx
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,900
    me too @DesperateofDevon I love the lights twinkling and have them all year round in the garden. But christmas is a great time to have them inside too!. :)




    Organisation was very hard work - but I have managed it, and am really looking forward to it immensely !!


    PS - I might not come back from Scotland !!!!
    [/QUOTE]

    well done @maryjoan .......and I can totally relate to that feeling[/QUOTE]

    I’m going to buy myself something glittery in the make up line- wholly inappropriate for a middle age woman but I need some extra sparkle !!!
     
  20. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    181
    Female
    nothing is 'inappropriate' SEASON TO BE JOLLY!
     

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