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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by totallyconfused, Nov 13, 2019.
It’s a month away ! Taste testing!!!
Ok so I gave in - @Andrew_McP please don't press that red button and cancel Christmas.
I may even put some twinkly lights on it as we get nearer Christmas
oh yes! x
Darn... Rocky Mountain Reindeer Oysters appear to be off the Christmas breakfast menu. It'll have to be Crunchy Nut Cornflakes with Bailey's again.
Actually that's not as nice as it sounds... two strong flavours end up fighting each other IMO. Better off having cream on the cornflakes as a treat (or top of the milk, as I insist on calling it) and having Bailey's in your coffee. And your precious little tree reminds me of the one stuck at the back of a cupboard down at my mothballed flat in Kent. Mum used to send me small, ready to use decorations because she knew I wouldn't bother otherwise. Bless her.
When I first looked at your picture though I wasn't looking at the tree, I was distracted by 'our' clock. Mum never got any benefit from the dementia clock, she was past making sense of the time when I bought it. But now every day's pretty much the same, I appreciate it reminding me what day it is.
Sadly Aldi near me have already sold out off sloe gin (this year with elderberries ) one of my winter/Xmas favourites. I'll try and different Aldi. I didn't like Aldi's fake Bailey's.
Currently sat in a brewers fayre with quite a bit of Xmas decs up. Too early for me.
Here in Argentina Christmas is a festivity, but dont know, its important, but i think in other countries people take much care of it than here.
I "hate" Christmas because the time and "effort" you have to put in. To me Christmas is just another day, I hate that theres a time to eat, and you have to be "waiting for the Christmas", why not just watch TV and eat whatever thing in the fridge like any other normal day.
I spend it with my mother, same as new year. Never never never never going to understand this festivities.
Anyway, hope the people who like those days pass a good day and night !
Good to see you are embracing the Christmas spirit @Palerider
Lidl Deluxe Range very good
Yes I keep on meaning to turn it off. Mum did find it useful, but as she started to decline from about May onwards, the clock stopped being of help in orientating her. I do find it useful myself though so may keep it going
In the end I would have done something, but feeling like I have it all seemed a bit unreachable
My Mum will not entirely grasp that it is Christmas but I'm making the most of it for her and why not! Without wanting to sound morbid it may be her last one and I do not want to have any regrets, my Mum is so very precious to me and I will do what I can for her. The vascular dementia has robbed her mobility so she can no longer stand let alone walk which means I cannot even get her in my car so we have to have the disabled taxi or bus when going out and in all honesty the taxi is more convenient so I have booked it to take Mum to a reasonably local garden centre to see all the decorations and Christmas scene's they have installed there plus on a different day we are going for an Afternoon Tea By Candlelight and then just before Christmas a family meal at a local pub. On top of this we will attend Christmas events that are being laid on by the Dorothy House coffee morning team which we visit every week. Its not always plain selling as Mum is also double incontinent but that will not stop me. My husband and myself will put up Mums tree and just a few decorations and spend Christmas Day with her and will make the most of it with family members dropping in before and after Christmas Day. I totally understand everyone has different problems and feelings and if you have to look after your partner/parent 24/7 then that is a great strain and I sympathise and I'm sure we all do what we think is best for all concerned but at the end of the day Christmas is basically one day out of seven so I really hope no one gets stressed over it.
I agree with you@manArgentina but at least you have warm weather at Christmas. I thought that you might like this photo from 14 years ago showing Christmas decorations at Mendoza.
I am enjoying this thread
Mum's funeral was last week so I am very much in headless chicken mode, though no longer running, more stumbling round in circles....
I learned a few years ago that Christmas doesn't happen unless you make it happen. Me and the BF decided to have a very quiet Christmas, just a basic nice meal and forget the rest. It was rubbish! Since then, I've made sure to do some of the daft stuff, so we always have crackers (the cheaper the better!) and a festive tablecloth, twinkly lights and a couple of very dodgy looking trees we took pity on and rescued from the charity shop. I added a Santa toilet seat cover last year - really cheap and as tacky as could be, but people loved it!
Present buying has become a bit miserable. BF always says (generously) 'you can have whatever you want', but that's no good! What I really want is a small (well, small-ish... or medium-large) pile of beautifully wrapped lovely surprises, but meh! - that's never gonna happen! Instead, I buy sh... erm... rubbish bits and bobs for my kids. For those who like a bit of online consuming, I can thoroughly recommend the Chinese 'pound shops' on eBay. They sell all sorts of stocking filler type things that you just have to have... For very little money you can buy a load of cr... erm...lovely things (including lots of sparkly Christmas stuff) - something for everyone. I found that the opening of lots of fun little gifts really brightened things up. I kept throwing more at people throughout the day
(If you need details of how to find these shops, PM me. But you need to get a move on time-wise...)
So this year will be much the same and I find I am actually looking forward to it. The last few years I've had that 'can't really relax/get drunk, etc' thing in case the phone rings and I have to become Responsible Daughter again. This year, instead of 'Bah! Humbug' I'm going to go for 'Yeah! Tipsy Sparkling Humbug'!
I know exactly what you mean, Christmas puts so much pressure on us. It was never a great time in our family - I actually think this year mum may have a quite nice Christmas at the care home as they are sure to make a fuss. From my own point of view I'm very apprehensive as living many miles away I usually stay in her house then and visit her in the home, I don't relish the idea of being in her house on my own at Christmas even if I see her in the day and just stay at her place at night, it will feel very strange. Christmas is always a challenge at the best of times. Interesting to see/hear what others are doing to tackle this big deal of a day.
This is why I used to be anti-Christmas. So many expectations; so many things we 'have to do'; so many people to please... mainly my corporate overlords who decreed that Thou Shalt Be Knackered All December, then cast aside like unwanted brussel sprouts.
But dementia puts everything into life into perspective. None of it matters. And once you accept that none of it matters you can do whatever you like without worrying. There is no recipe for the perfect Christmas, but there are infinite ways to have a bad one.
After six pretty sleep deprived months in which I've had to accept that my mother's taken a big step down the dementia decay ladder, I'm choosing to put out the lights, put up some decorations, plan a great meal for me that Mum may, or may not eat much of, and to stick my tongue out to the dark and the misery that's lurks in it.
I will no doubt get a frostbitten tongue.
Here's a blurry bit of last Christmas to remind me why I'm bothering...
this has turned out to be a great thread, thanks for all the replies.
One reason I was so turned off Christmas was because last year, we left it until the last minute and did all the decorations on the same day-dec 21st.I realised on the day that the lights didnt work and ran in to town to get new ones. We were rushing around all day and not paying attention to our mother who was bothered, not herself that day.Was it the changing of her environment-all the new lights etc? Anyway, long day, and it ended with my mother falling and breaking her wrist. So began 5 weeks of misery with her wanting to take it off the entire time. In that 5 weeks, she also had shingles and a seizure and my sister who minds her with me got chicken pox from her shingles.Awful time.
Anyway, that is want is really turning me off Christmas this year but having thought about it and read the replies, we are going to do christmas but pace ourselves throughout december-little bits at a time.
Honestly I didnt think she(or us)would make it through this year.She went downhill fast and we are considering a home next year. This will likely be the last christmas and so we gonna go for it.I thnik we would regret it if we dont.
thanks again everyone
Life goes on and on and on. Christmas or not, paint the usual smile on. Wipe the wee, sort the poo - it’s Christmas after all xx
Good for you Andrew .....& there’s something quite magical with a bit of sparkle about the place - btw that’s a lovely photo
well I’m so glad to read this Champers!!! I’ve read your previous posts and what a hard time you’ve had - you deserve the best Christmas ....have a wonderful time !
Loving the sparkle !