• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Casbow's Diary.

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Hi Sajimjo. Thank you for your comments. I do feel that if children grow up in a stable family, with happy parents it does help them to form good relationships when they grow up. Both my husbands parents and mine had very long and happy marriages. That is not to say that there were never problems but people in a good marriage can usually get through most problems.x
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,473
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi Margherita. You must not feel guilty that you don't love your husband. Love is something that we can all mistake for the real everlasting love that we all hope for. It is very easy to love someone but not always easy to stay loving each other. I have been very fortunate in that I met my husband when I was fifteen and a half and only just started work. We became a couple very quickly and at first spent most of our time laughing. We just seemed to have a good sense of humour together. He has always been my best friend as well as my lover. When i look at him now I still see that man that I fell in love with.Even though I don't think he knows who I am. Just that he is pleased to see me.!! xx
A beautiful (and moving) story of two beautiful souls..
Life has been generoous , but also cruel with you
Children born of loveless marriages find it more difficult to learn what love is, since they did not have models and examples in their early childhood.
My husband lived with his parents and sister only until he was six. Then he had to move to his uncle's house because his parents did not have " time and a spare room for him"
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
How people can treat their children so badly i will never understand. How do they live with themselves. No wonder some people have such troubled lives.xx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Wishing you a Happy Anniversary Casbow.

Do hope you have a lovely time with David today.

Trying to send you some flowers as I know you love your garden. Hope it works.

Best wishes Sajimjo
Thank you so much for the flowers. What a lovely thought.xx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
I went to see David yesterday and he was very distant and not bothered who i was or even if I was there. He then messed himself and I had to get the carers to sort that out. It took three of them as he will not be calm about it. I waited outside his room and found myself crying. so sad to see him like this. Now today a phone call to tell me David has had another seizure and the ambulance was called. I went to the hospital and as I went in from one door, he was coming the other way, wheeled on the trolley by paramedics. When I said hello to David he started to cry and hugged me close saying how pleased he was I was there and he was so obviously scared. A person with dementia must get really frightened when all of a sudden there are people all around him, lots of talking, people trying to help him but he has no idea why. Then arriving at a very busy A&E with all sorts going on he was very distressed. the paramedics were lovely and we then had to wait for one and half hours to get to triage. It was so busy and queing in the corridors. The staff were really kind and did their best. But it was a long wait. Anyway I ended up taking him back to the home in my car. The wait for an ambulance was 3-4 hours. I am hopeful that he will be ok for the night. His medication was missed this a.m. and he didn't have anything to eat or drink until I got him back to the care home at 4.00p.m. So I will go to see him again tomorrow. My lovely man.xxx
 

HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,947
Ireland
So sorry to hear of today's awfulness Casbow.
Does David need to go to A&E every time he has a seizure?
You must be very concerned and I do hope that this night is without further trauma for you both. x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,399
Kent
Poor David , Casbow and poor you. I can imagine how you must be feeling.

I`ve never experienced seeing a seizure but the very thought of them makes my blood run cold. They sound so frightening.

I hope there`ll be no after effects and tomorrow`s visit will be incident free.
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
Staffordshire
So sorry to hear about David's seizure, must be very frightening for you both. My OH had epileptic seizures daily until medication given, which made him more confused and affected his mobility, I think.
Hope you don't loose too much sleep over it and tomorrow is a better day.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
So sorry to hear this Casbow.
Just wondering, do you think the sort of "distance" you saw in him when you visited was caused by the approach of the seizure? When dau was very young, she used to get febrile convulsions if she had even the tiniest temperature, often when there was no sign at all that she was ill. And she would often go into this kind of distant, unresponsive, hard to get through to state before she'd have a convulsion.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
So sorry to hear this Casbow.
Just wondering, do you think the sort of "distance" you saw in him when you visited was caused by the approach of the seizure? When dau was very young, she used to get febrile convulsions if she had even the tiniest temperature, often when there was no sign at all that she was ill. And she would often go into this kind of distant, unresponsive, hard to get through to state before she'd have a convulsion.
I don't know Lady A. I hope he doesn't have another one but will be aware of that next time. If my visit is at the right time of course. This time it has been 4 months since the last one. But the other thing is that they have a bit of trouble with his medication, especially in the morning. Which includes epilepsy tablets. Some times he just spits them out.!! x
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,531
Dundee
Oh Casbow I'm so sorry to read this. How heartbreaking for you. It must have been very frightening for both of you. I hope today is a better day.
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Casbow,so sorry to read your husband has had a seizure with the resultant visit to A&E. I always dreaded it when my husband had to be taken into hospital it's such a confusing experience for a PWD. Glad he's back safe in the home and hope there are no more problems. xxxx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Thank you all for your comments. David is fine now and settled back in his own room. I visited the next day and Saturday and Sunday. He seems very away with the fairies and happy in his own world. So as long as he isn't distressed that is ok. Our eldest son is coming from London on Thursday and I am looking forward to that. He wants to see his Dad and we will have lunch out. So a nice long chat will be lovely. Look forward to that. Will be seeing David tomorrow as well.xxx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
Hope you have a good visit with your son, Casbow, and can enjoy some stress free time together.
I'm glad your husband is content. Obviously, things are not as you would like them to be, ideally, but relatively speaking, content is good. Hugs to you.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Hope you have a good visit with your son, Casbow, and can enjoy some stress free time together.
I'm glad your husband is content. Obviously, things are not as you would like them to be, ideally, but relatively speaking, content is good. Hugs to you.
I was going to write tomorrow to say about out sons visit but now he isn't visiting until Sunday when he will have his wife and children with him. So back to the usual chaos and I will not be ale to talk to him with any kind of peace. so disappointed. I never get to see him on his own. That is the problem when they live a distance away. Oh well. maybe another time.xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,399
Kent
That`s a disappointment Casbow. I expect your son doesn`t realise how important it is for you to have some time on your own with him.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
That`s a disappointment Casbow. I expect your son doesn`t realise how important it is for you to have some time on your own with him.
Our son came on his own on Sunday. So although it was very hot we had a really nice catch up chat and visited David. Son really happy with the home and also that his Dad appears to be settled and calm. Which I think David is most of the time. He still struggles with the personal care but otherwise they say he is calm. At the moment I am yrtinh to sort out finances after the assessment. Still not sure what happens. For example they take his savings and half of any joint savings. Where does that go.? I am left with half his private pension but that isn't enough to pay my contribution to his fees. I am applying for pension credit but know know yet if I will get it or how much. So I am going to the bank this pm after visiting David, to cancel some Direct debits. And I have to get latest figures for ISA,s and saving accounts as the last statements we had where March. It is all so complicated for my pea brain.xxx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
Our son came on his own on Sunday. So although it was very hot we had a really nice catch up chat and visited David. Son really happy with the home and also that his Dad appears to be settled and calm. Which I think David is most of the time. He still struggles with the personal care but otherwise they say he is calm. At the moment I am yrtinh to sort out finances after the assessment. Still not sure what happens. For example they take his savings and half of any joint savings. Where does that go.? I am left with half his private pension but that isn't enough to pay my contribution to his fees. I am applying for pension credit but know know yet if I will get it or how much. So I am going to the bank this pm after visiting David, to cancel some Direct debits. And I have to get latest figures for ISA,s and saving accounts as the last statements we had where March. It is all so complicated for my pea brain.xxx
In last week's Woman's Weekly magazine (the one dated 20th June), there was an excellent article about Benefits. They mentioned a charity that helps people sort out what benefits they may be entitled to. It's called Turn2Us. www.turn2us.org.uk It also mentioned Age UK's advice line 0800 169 2081