Casbow's Diary.

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
When he was 10 he asked if I would buy him Grecian 2000. The stuff that covers all the grey.!!! He was to young to realise what it was for. He has been in amateur dramatics for years and had various hair stuff done. In answer to your question I don't know. But I wouldn't dare suggest it. That would be a nail in his coffin if he thought i didn't like his hair. I do. But have never been able to convince him.x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,387
Kent
It`s sad he takes his dislike of the colour of his hair out on you Casbow. Especially now when you have so much on your plate.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
291
Casbow

Do you get on reasonably well with the DIL. She would have to be an angel to give a lot of support but would she be willing to offer a little maybe, and encourage your son.

I do feel for you and your son. It sounds as though he has struggled to deal with life issues and could really do with some counselling. Its not normal for a married man of that age to still be so sensitive about his hair.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
I mentioned the hair colour because it has had a bad effect on his life. But not sure it is causing the depression. He went for counselling once or twice and said it was a waste of time. Daughter in law is amazing and I don't know how she copes when he is really bad. He calls it the black dog and doesn't seem to be able to just shake it off. It can go on for weeks. When he is ill with it he is a different person. He walked the Pennine Way at the beginning of May and everyone was very proud and he got lots of praise but his mood went down and down. I don't think he has done any work since the walk finished. Just have to wait til he gets over this depression again. Possibly not helped by maybe mid life crisis. He is 47 this year.xxx
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,515
Chester
My brother is 47 - his depression hit a few(maybe 5) years ago - he thinks when he lost his job, but I think when he got an ankle injury and couldn't race, combined with the conflict with his partner of being expected to spend some time with his very young children, which was interfering with his racing and training. He was the sort that if he wasn't well enough to cycle to work, he phoned in sick, rather than drive, so self absorbed he took 4 days off sick with a cold on then on Friday morning flew to Norway to do a ski marathon.

He tried some tablets and said they didn't work, he tried counselling and said that didn't work. He has been on some other tablets since late autumn, and via the contact I keep (his partner's sister) I am told these have made a massive difference. I suspect his partner insisted he went back to GP, I know it takes time, but he just kept saying things weren't working without giving them time, and I suspect he had an ultimatum of go to GPs or get out from his partner.
 

mancmum

Registered User
Feb 6, 2012
399
Red hair misery

I was bullied and physically attacked because of this as a child..although later I realised that it had advantages ..however there is still the sunburn stuff and resistance to anaesthetics. Let him know about red hair day in Holland.

http://www.redheaddays.nl/en/about/

One day I am going to go to this.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
291
I mentioned the hair colour because it has had a bad effect on his life. But not sure it is causing the depression. He went for counselling once or twice and said it was a waste of time. Daughter in law is amazing and I don't know how she copes when he is really bad. He calls it the black dog and doesn't seem to be able to just shake it off. It can go on for weeks. When he is ill with it he is a different person. He walked the Pennine Way at the beginning of May and everyone was very proud and he got lots of praise but his mood went down and down. I don't think he has done any work since the walk finished. Just have to wait til he gets over this depression again. Possibly not helped by maybe mid life crisis. He is 47 this year.xxx
Glad you have a great DIL at least. What a relief that at least you know shes looking out for him
I must say it sounds like the red hair sensitivity is more a symptom than a cause. He is ill, not the same way as his dad, but ill nevertheless. He may be unable to help his behaviour.

That red hair day sounds brilliant. I think its disgusting that red hair isn't given the same 'protected characteristic' status that ethnicity is, especially since its race specific.
 
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Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
545
Scotland
I'm another redhead and back in the days when I went to primary school I was called names and taunted by teachers and in the playground for being a redhead. One teacher in particular had three pet hates - redheads, left handed people and anyone who bit their nails. Well I qualified for the first two and probably became so nervous that I started to bite my nails too! Although I am now 76 I can still remember how it felt then. After I grew up I used to see her occasionally around the town and she was all sweetness and light until one day I told her how frightening and intimidating she had been to me when I was five or six :mad:

I am sorry Casbow that your son is so badly affected by being redhead - once I grew up I didn't mind apart from being easily sunburnt.

Going back to "sending or not sending cards" - our son and daughter are both far from home having moved to find jobs so we rarely see them. If either of them visit it is not for a specific occasion like birthdays so they send birthday card/Christmas card but only daughter sends Fathers Day/Mothers Day cards as son considers FD/MD over commercialised nonsense.

Now that OH is in care home I intend to buy a FD card to give him "from son". That way I feel I can pretend in order for me to save face - you know what I mean, the staff will assume that it is from him and OH (sadly) will not remember so it will not hurt him.

I'm not sure, Casbow, if you would find it helpful to do that. Of course, if your Daughter in law then sent card that would complicate things (our son is not married)

Lilac xx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
I'm another redhead and back in the days when I went to primary school I was called names and taunted by teachers and in the playground for being a redhead. One teacher in particular had three pet hates - redheads, left handed people and anyone who bit their nails. Well I qualified for the first two and probably became so nervous that I started to bite my nails too! Although I am now 76 I can still remember how it felt then. After I grew up I used to see her occasionally around the town and she was all sweetness and light until one day I told her how frightening and intimidating she had been to me when I was five or six :mad:

I am sorry Casbow that your son is so badly affected by being redhead - once I grew up I didn't mind apart from being easily sunburnt.

Going back to "sending or not sending cards" - our son and daughter are both far from home having moved to find jobs so we rarely see them. If either of them visit it is not for a specific occasion like birthdays so they send birthday card/Christmas card but only daughter sends Fathers Day/Mothers Day cards as son considers FD/MD over commercialised nonsense.

Now that OH is in care home I intend to buy a FD card to give him "from son". That way I feel I can pretend in order for me to save face - you know what I mean, the staff will assume that it is from him and OH (sadly) will not remember so it will not hurt him.

I'm not sure, Casbow, if you would find it helpful to do that. Of course, if your Daughter in law then sent card that would complicate things (our son is not married)

Lilac xx
To be honest if it had happened at any other time (the missing cards) I would not have said anything. But David had just been put into a nursing home and I felt so wretched because I had failed him. I couldn't believe that they hadn,t bothered. Of course it turned out that they had. But one of the cards turned up yesterday! Never mind. I will just have to accept the way things are. I am visiting again today. It is our 52nd wedding anniversary tomorrow but I am taking his card today as I cannot visit tomorrow. And no I will not expect
any other cards.xx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
I'm another redhead and back in the days when I went to primary school I was called names and taunted by teachers and in the playground for being a redhead. One teacher in particular had three pet hates - redheads, left handed people and anyone who bit their nails. Well I qualified for the first two and probably became so nervous that I started to bite my nails too! Although I am now 76 I can still remember how it felt then. After I grew up I used to see her occasionally around the town and she was all sweetness and light until one day I told her how frightening and intimidating she had been to me when I was five or six :mad:

I am sorry Casbow that your son is so badly affected by being redhead - once I grew up I didn't mind apart from being easily sunburnt.

Going back to "sending or not sending cards" - our son and daughter are both far from home having moved to find jobs so we rarely see them. If either of them visit it is not for a specific occasion like birthdays so they send birthday card/Christmas card but only daughter sends Fathers Day/Mothers Day cards as son considers FD/MD over commercialised nonsense.

Now that OH is in care home I intend to buy a FD card to give him "from son". That way I feel I can pretend in order for me to save face - you know what I mean, the staff will assume that it is from him and OH (sadly) will not remember so it will not hurt him.

I'm not sure, Casbow, if you would find it helpful to do that. Of course, if your Daughter in law then sent card that would complicate things (our son is not married)

Lilac xx
To be honest if it had happened at any other time (the missing cards) I would not have said anything. But David had just been put into a nursing home and I felt so wretched because I had failed him. I couldn't believe that they hadn,t bothered. Of course it turned out that they had. But one of the cards turned up yesterday! Never mind. I will just have to accept the way things are. I am visiting again today. It is our 52nd wedding anniversary tomorrow but I am taking his card today as I cannot get there tomorrow.xxx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
Happy anniversary for tomorrow Casbow. Yes I know, circumstances aren't ideal. But your long marriage is still something to be celebrated. I still do something nice to celebrate our anniversary, as does my mum on their anniversary, and my dad's been dead for 16 years now.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,387
Kent
Happy Anniversary Casbow.

We celebrated our 50th Goldnen Wedding Anniversary when Dhiren was in residential care. We had a lovely day even though it wasn`t what it might have been.

I`m sorry you keep thinking you have failed David. You really haven`t.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Thank you all for your good wishes. He had no idea what I was taking about. He is totally away with the fairies. Cannot talk making any sense. Does not understand what I am saying. So his anniversary card got mixed in with his birthday cards. He is looking better each time I visit. Clean shaven, tidy and washed, and now a haircut,!!!! first since last December. Bless him. I love him no matter what.xxx
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
Staffordshire
Wishing you a Happy Anniversary Casbow.

Do hope you have a lovely time with David today.

Trying to send you some flowers as I know you love your garden. Hope it works.

Best wishes Sajimjo
 

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Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Hi Margherita. You must not feel guilty that you don't love your husband. Love is something that we can all mistake for the real everlasting love that we all hope for. It is very easy to love someone but not always easy to stay loving each other. I have been very fortunate in that I met my husband when I was fifteen and a half and only just started work. We became a couple very quickly and at first spent most of our time laughing. We just seemed to have a good sense of humour together. He has always been my best friend as well as my lover. When i look at him now I still see that man that I fell in love with.Even though I don't think he knows who I am. Just that he is pleased to see me.!! xx
 

sajimjo

Registered User
Jun 18, 2013
130
Staffordshire
Oh Casbow you are a very lucky woman, your love for David has been very evident throughout your diary. If only we could all be like that, this world would be a better place.
I want to send you a big virtual hug. xx