This is a very difficult area, and carers and care homes have to be extremely careful how they manage patients or they could be in serious trouble for assault. I am sure there are many relatives who would be horrified if their loved one had been 'forced' to have a shower by a carer. Daily showering is alien to my parents, who were brought up with bathing once a week. They do allow the carers to wash them daily, but still complain that they don't see why they need to, and I tell them that they have to take extra care of their skin now as it becomes much more fragile as you get older, and they grudgingly accept this. The carers don't ask about washing, its "Let's go and get you washed now, shall we", or words to that effect, nor do they ask about taking prescribed medication "Here's you pills and water". Not sure what they would do if these were refused, but I certainly would not expect them to force pills down their throat! The agency we use is good, and they always contact me if they have any concerns (mind you, no idea what I would do!).