How to deal with persistent talk about passed parents

[ged626red]

My OH .
every single day goes through this process especially with her mother who died in 1996. We live within a 1.5 mile radius of where her parents lived and I have gone round to this address 7 times in the last 3 weeks knocking on her address years ago and fortunately there is no answer. I keep saying she has gone out, rather that the obvious. We unfortunately have to bypass her parents address or near to it since we go to the supermarket near where they live. I suppose the obvious answer is go to another one but she will still find a way to say she wants to see her mother. It is so sad for her

 

[Kevinl]

You have to live in their world when they can no longer live in ours. I know I've said that before but acceptance is the key. K

 

[Louise7]

Hello @ged626red yes, it is very sad when this happens. I think you're doing the right thing by thinking about going a different route, or to a different supermarket, for a while. My mum went through a phase of asking where her deceased brother was, and saying things which would have made sense to mum, such as he's fine, he's with his friend xxxx, he's having a lovely time at his club etc helped as mum seemed happy with these explanations. It won't necessary work for everyone, but did your OH's mum do anything or go anywhere in particular that you could try saying which your OH would accept?

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi @ged626red

I can understand your sadness about your OH wanting to see her mother. It must be so difficult when you live so close to where her parents lived.

My mum worries incessantly about her mother. She often wants to go to see her at her childhood home. She no longer understands that this is 200 miles away from where she lives. She also can’t remember that her mother died a long time ago, in 1957.

If my mum asks me where her mother is now I usually say something about her going away for a few days. Sometimes I say she may have gone to Australia for a while to see her grand daughter. There is a grand daughter there so that makes sense to my mum. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes I can deflect my mum’s thoughts for a while. A short time later my mum will start asking about her mother again. It’s a very persistent drive which has been with her for a few years now. It’s very sad and sometimes I feel very frustrated that I can’t “fix” the problem.

I hope you can find some explanations which will help your OH.

Take care.

 

[ged626red]

thank you Calon for you kind words and advice.